Columns by Mike Crowl, from the Dunedin Star Midweeker, Dunedin, New Zealand

Column Eight - 12th Oct, 1994

When All Else Fails…

Once in a blue moon, when the muse's spate of ideas runs short, I have to resort to a more pragmatic approach to idea-finding. One possibility is Finding article ideas without leaving your desk.  Howard Scott listed these 10 tips in the September 1993 Writers Magazine, and I wrote them down for a rainless day. First, he says, ask: What if? What if I did such and such? Hmm. There's a columnist in the Sunday Star Times who writes just such an article each week. However, he actually does the things he writes about, setting - or having others set - often absurd challenges which he then turns into a column. But since Scott talks of finding ideas without leaving the desk, I think we can put that suggestion aside. The second approach is to consider your latest rants. Here's this week's. Is it surprising that our society is becoming more violent when abortion is considered 'safe' as long as the mother is okay - even though the safety of the person within is violated? Too complex for a short column. Observe an object, says Mr Scott, or a process. Don't just observe; think about it. Well, I've sat here observing my computer terminal for several minutes while my wife and son debate the rules of draughts behind me. Gritting my teeth and turning my ears off hasn't helped. The whole point of this exercise is to assist me, not frustrate me. Next. Read news stories; pause over something that interests; what further questions or reactions? Hmmm. A cellist in a European orchestra due to play Peter and the Wolf quits her job because she feels wolves are being discriminated against in the story. This ranks alongside the Thomas the Tank Engine nonsense, or the ill-considered removal of the Pinocchio mural from a children's hospital wall. Adults' screwed-up notions being foisted on children who think political correctness has something to do with keeping your elbows off the table. (Sounds more like a rant.) Mr Scott next suggest I should find a new angle on an old article. I have enough trouble trying to find an angle on most of the ideas I do have without going through the process twice over. I once wrote myself an enthusiastic maxim. Every idea has two outlets. Sadly, my brain has found the effort of forever conceiving twins quite unsustainable. Next on the list. Reverse the popular notion - what if the opposite were the norm? This is rather like lateral-thinking Edward de Bono's creative notion of using the word 'po' when you make a statement that's norm's opposite. 'Po - planes fly upside down.' In Mr de Bono's books this approach always works - within minutes. My lips say 'Po,' however, and my brain says, 'Pooh.' Talking of Mr de Bono, have you noticed that all his recent books say the same thing? The only difference is that they get longer. Back to Mr Scott. Use your friend's experiences, he says. Though I have tried this, I think it's a good way to have no friends from whom to glean experiences, eventually. One of our friends, for instance, complained that the only time I mentioned her family was in relation to toilets. On to the next. Recycle old ideas, says Mr Scott. This is certainly very ecological, but I'm not sure if people want to hear my thoughts on slaters again, even if I approach them from a different angle. (Say upside down.) Mr Scott gets desperate by this time and recommends for number nine: Try to come up with an answer to a silly question. Hmm, what about: Why are some people so masochistic they try and write a column each week? Is that question silly enough? And finally, he says, think of something you're curious about and ask questions. Okay… What does it mean to poke mollock? Does anything rhyme with orange, or month? Why isn't there a word in the English language for the back of the knee? Is there a word in any language for the back of the knee? Well, well, these idea-inducing tips work after all.

Finding ideas for columns is something that's always going on behind the scenes.   However within a year, I wrote two columns about it... hmmm, indeed!

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