Goths are not a cult and not a gang. They belong to a subculture, much in the way that hippies or orthodix Jews belong to subculture. While goth culture has its roots in the punk movement of the late 70's, its defection from mainstream life has practical limits; most goths have jobs or go to school. There are homeowner goths, goths with children, and even goths with PhDs. Goths may not be very good at life, but being together is what makes it possible to go on anyway. Some people drop into goth culture during dark times in their lives and drop out later on. It's an important resource.
Bottom line: If your kid has turned goth, try to ride it out. It won't make him/her build pipe bombs.
If your kid stays goth, s/he can still have a career and a family.
Goth stereoetypes aren't usually true....
The nightclub is the principle meeting ground for goths, and as such, is where cultural transmission largely takes place. Since this separates teen-agers from elders, the former are left to reinvent the culture for themselves. This can lead to instances of teens calling themselves goths when they have in fact succeeded only in recreating the appearance. Be wary of blaming gothic culture for what has happened to your weird kid.
I'm worried about my son/daughter going to goth clubs.
Goth clubs are dark, peaceful, and graceful places. There's no heavy drinking, there's no shouting or scrambling around. Clubs that let frat boys in don't have these recommendations.
Goths don't pursue social interactions with normals - they can go anywhere else to do that. The result is that outsiders might find the clubs boring or snobby. Some club regulars are actually normal girls seeking relief from the meat-market atmosphere of normal clubs!
That said, in some cities, there aren't enough goths to support a uniquely goth club night, in which case, other elements of the underground scene share space. These environments are very idiosyncratic and this site can't say anything about them. However, not much effort is required for a parent to put on black shirt and slacks and see for him/herself.
Will being goth make my child a satanist?
No. Interest in satanism is noticeable but rare in the goth community. If your child is already interested in satanism, is he/she likely to turn goth? Yes. Goths are indifferent to religious preferences in a way that normals only claim to be. Therefore, people with socially unacceptable religions often feel more comfortable with goths than mainstream people.
Why is my son wearing a skirt?
There are three possibilities:
1. He might be wearing a type of skirt that is routinely worn by male goths, like some male Scots wear kilts. It's not related to sexual orientation.
2. He's straight/bi and simply looks better in women's clothing. Some goth girls go nuts for this. It's not a bad mating strategy if he's small and fine-boned.
3. He's a gay transvestite, just like you thought.
What is the relationship of BDSM to the goth scene?
There are fetish goths who participate in the BDSM world. BDSMers will show up to goth clubs, especially if they're advertised as "goth/industrial." Participants in the BDSM community are unusually respectful for the obvious reason: things can otherwise go badly quickly. New people "learn the ropes" at house parties designed for that purpose. They are taught "safe words" to end a session and how to avoid actual injury. Because of this overhead, BDSMers tend to avoid the uninitiated at club.
Fetish fashion has influenced goth fashion. Goths who are completely ignorant of the BDSM scene will often wear leather collars and other fetish paraphernalia.
Are drugs a big part of the goth scene?
Not more than any other clubbing scene, and arguably less than most. In the 80's, drugs were pretty prominent. Now you have to go looking for it.
What's really interesting is the fact that goths are not big drinkers, which might not be expected of a depression-celebrating counter-culture. It turns out that acting like a baboon is not considered very spooky.