| The Life of an Autism girl Now I would like to tell an amazing story about a girl with the disease Aspergers Syndrome. Aspergers Syndrome is a link to Autism which can be many things... It can be highly functional kids, or kids who is living in their own world. Aspergers Syndrome (will be mentioned as AS further on) is a disease which, in most cases, are children being high functional in their every day life. But beneath the surface there's trouble, for example being social, reading people's faces and feelings are some of many problems being referred to. On top of that almost 1 out of 3 with AS, also have a severe case of depression. Now I would like to tell about a girl, who has gone through all of that only to end up being a stronger person, than she could ever imagine. The story starts June the 14th 1985, in the Eastside of Copenhagen. A twin delivery was just ended. It was two girls, and they were named Maria and Mette. My sister and me... 12 years later the girls had just started 5th grade. Placed in seperate classes. Maria had already the previous years made a lot of good friends in her class, while I was more of a solitary soul. I felt best, if I wouldn't be bothered, and I could sit in the school library reading books... But the guys in that class had other plans. They were always in a teasing mood. Every time they were bored, even during class, they would throw things at me, tease me, and even go as far as making me cry. In the following years, the teasing got worse, and I started staying away from school. Sometimes I attended classes till lunchbreak, and then would run home 'cause I was scared. Sometimes I only attended one lesson and would dissapear or I wouldn't even come. Then in a gymclass a substitute teacher was in a quarral with me, and I was expelled. The principal insisted of getting me admitted in a closed psychiatric hospital. My parents wouldn't let that happen, so they tried to find some potential schools for their daughter. And I tried them, but I wasn't happy in any of them. I started working with a really sweet psychiatrist who diagnosed me with AS. From that point on everything turned around, not only for me, but also for my parents and my 3 sisters. For me this seemed like nothing 'cause this was the world I was used to live in, but still, somehow, my world turned around. I started getting more problems, and in the end, I wasn't even in at school. Then my psychiatrist offered me to go in school on the psychiatric ward. Now this was only an offer of going to school, not being admitted. So I took the offer. And that was one of the best schools I've ever been in. They knew that kind of problems I had... That was a really big help. As time went by, they had a free room, and it was offered too me... It came as a shock to me. Was I really so bad mentally that I had to be admitted, hospitalized?? I realized that I was, 'cause if i wasn't, why would they offer me that?? So I lived there, and got some really good friends. I started at that time, feeling really bad. And my depression was developing, I started thinking, Why am I here?? If I had to feel this bad, why did God put me here, here on this earth? Why me? And from that point on I couldn't find any meaning with life. And one day it got too far. I couldn't cope with reality, my life. I started cutting my wrists. And from that day on, I was being suicidal. Now, I'm not very proud of it, but I want to tell the facts, the truth as it is. I went on being admitted, 'cause I wasn't only being a threat to myself, but also for my associates. I wasn't happy nor proud of being there, but I knew if I ever wanted a decent life, I needed to work on my problems, my sorroundings and my life. I needed the help that I was getting there. I started being more joyful around others, having a mask of happiness on. But when i got into my room, was listening to music, and was alone with my thoughts, I was so confused. A part of me said "don't jeopardize your happiness. Don't listen to anyone telling you different" while another part off me- a louder part- said that I wasn't meant to be here. And I knew it... And when I was letting the last part controlling my life, I was really close to be going through with my suicide attempts.. But that wasn't the hard part. The hard part was telling what I had done, and why. I never had a reason, The only thing I knew was that for once, I could feel the pain somewhere else than in my heart and soul. When I was admitted I was told ththey did. The school was Baunegaarden. Which is sharing the price of the best schools I've been on. After a couple of weeks I had a high staus quo in my class... Probably 'cause I was the oldest, but I did deal in making sure that they felt equal. I loved to help. But as in every other school I began to skip classes. And one day my teacher came an talked to me at my house, and I began in class once more. For summer vacation we went to �r�, and that was where I saw something in one of my classmates, that I never saw before. He ended up being my boyfriend. And that was, and still is, one of the best highlights of my life. When we got back, they told me that two other girls on my age was graduating that summer, and that they would try and find another school for me, because of the big age difference. So after a few weeks I was 'shipped' to a youth center in T�ll�se. And I got my own room there. I was there almost 4 months, but I spended more than 2 months of them at home... The youth center wouldn't admit that I didn't fit in there. no matter how many times I told them. My parents, and loved ones kept saying, Give it a try. For my sake... And I would do anything for them, I tries, so many times to fit in there. But when I got mad and upset, and my mom drove to work and left my dad and me up there, 'cause he had to talk to the superintended, hell broke loose. I pulled a bookcase, of it's place on my wall, and at that time, they knew and understood that I wasn't fitting in there. This happened almost one year after I got out of the psychiatric hospital. And I got admitted once more, but this time only on a daily basis, I was living at home, This time I was there between 2 or 3 months, and afterwards I started in a class with kids who had all sorts of problems. It was Klosterv�nget School. And that was a good school. I was there for a couple of months, had really sweet teachers, and took english in their 9th grade class. And I took my graduation there. I had a really good exam, better then everyone, including me, expected... Now I'm learning spanish, I am taking extra classes in English. But I can still be suicidal. it's less than a month ago that I took an overdose of my anti-depressive medication. And I was close to die. And that episode made me so sad. And it scared me. And I swore to myself at that point, that I would never do it again. And now I feel that I doo have a place on this earth. I do make a difference in my friends, and loved ones, lives. And indeed in my own. I can still get sad as anyone else. Less than an hour I was sad, I'm sad that it's been almost 2� year since I had a boyfriend, but I know that, suicide isn't the solution. But what is? I just have to wait and see... In my closing, I would like to say, that I once was that person who was suicidal. I can be it again, but hopefully not. The person that I once was, and the person that I am now is the same person. I truly believe that all I've accomplished is based on what I have experienced, and with the help from my loved ones, and the strength from within myself. And on that ground some might ask me whether I'm afraid of dreaming, dreaming of a normal life for example... But that's not the case, I dream everyday. Dream of what I might accomplish in the future Written by Mette Abrahamsson |