| How to Relate to the Common Folk |
| Being a titan of industry has its occassional disadvantages. Sure, I get to crush people's dreams with my mad designs, and I have been fellated by several prominent United States Senators, but I do have to rely a bit on commoners. For example, I could go into great detail about how to crush a strike at a steel mill, or tell you about the bizarre sexual fetishes of President Taft, but I couldn't tell you much about an automobile, except that it is powered by several tiny horses or dogs which are periodically whipped by a midget. I must rely on tradeworkers to perform certain tasks that are too time-consuming or dangerous, and so I must be able to communicate with them. Otherwise, the cashmire gets shrunk, the good liquor gets consumed, and I am forced to cause yet another industrial "accident". Anyway, many of their colloquialisms have been known to confound the most learned of us, so I have compiled this dictionary of folk vernacular to assist other rich bastards to speak with proletariats like they were fellow members of the cheese-tasters' guild. |
| When commoners say... "Let's go to the mall!" "Fuck my baby's momma." "I just added a spoiler to my Camero." "I was pretty drunk last weekend." "Got any change?" "Fuck all y'all." "I can't wait to see that new Will Smith movie." "Word is bond." |
| They mean... "Would you like to go steeple-chasing?" "My wife has purchased yet another fur coat without consulting me." "Please direct me to the trailor park." "I fired the maidservant again for my amusement." "My latest oil-rig purchase has failed." "Help yourself to some of this caviar." "I have suffered grevious head trauma. Please shoot me." "I have swallowed a thumbtack." |