| The idea for this essay came to me after arriving in a class, looking at some kid wearing a "Lumpy Dog Lager" shirt, which is the only carcinogenic beer available in this city. Without further disruption, I will present to you a dissertation on the psychology of man. "You look like someone I know," possibly the worst phrase in the english language. Especially when you are trying to make an impression on an attractive member of the sex of your choice. Telling someone that they look like they look like your friend/relative/local narc is never a comment to take lightly. For one thing, its ambiguous. Who's to say that the "Ramon" that I look like isn't some hideous sandwich shop employee with facial scars, or for that matter, a genetic clone of (insert attractive male here!) For another thing, its an essentially meaningless statement. Are you really that judgemental that who a person resembles would cause you to treat them as the prototype? If you resembled, say, a roll of toilet paper, would you expect people to squeeze you and occassionaly apply you to their ass? I think not. Which brings me to my next vindictive judgement on semblances. The lad two rows up, not the one in the malignant beer tee, but another one sporting a baby blue shirt, unveiled his yellow cell phone. A flourescent flowery phone, the color of a bouquet of dandelions! Yay! What better way to initiate a socratic discussion of your sexuality? Why not just show up to class in a unicorn hat and winged shoes? Based on the example from the last paragraph, we can see that it would be a horrific thing to be compared to this lad, or, for that matter, to Pol Pot or Pinochet. So don't use this weak line when trying to bed genders. |
| How to Be Bribed to Leave Your Friend's House |