| An Alpha-Bet Primer, Suitable for Teaching Boston Children and All Those Who Fear the LORD. |
| A is for Apathy, for thou shalt not be concerned with what befalls thee. B is for the Beastofile, whom the LORD shall cast into eternal fire. C is for Carnal, with whose knowledge ye shall burn in pits eternal. D is for Distilling, whose beverages the LORD's sheep find most filling. E is for Evangelical, ensuring the heathens have had their fill. F is for Fellatio, an experience this author surely does not know. G is for the GZA, a Wu-member who is kin to the RZA. H is for diabolical Hell, of which Governor Bradford surely wilt tell. I is for Idiocy, for thine matron hath heard its decree. J is for the city of James-town, who, in quilting, we shall service a royal beat-down. K is for the dread Karelia, whose immigrants to the colonies practise paedofilia. L is for the divine Lemon, for ye may be sure there is no scurvy in heaven. M is for the science Metaphysical, which, compared to prayer, is rather dull. N is for the Nubian, which some rumour to plow fields as penance for sin. O is for local Orgy, would thou care to partake of it with me? P is for high seas Piracy, Which is what thee may commit if you do not study your A B C's. Q is for the peaceful Quakers, Who rhyme with no other sect but the Shakers. R is for Revelations, My favorite part of the Bible, as it features Satan. S is for Sickness, Certain to necessitate leeching with a quickness. T is for Testament, A word which the metal band did not invent. U is for Usury, May all these Zionists be stricken with pleuresy! V is for Vengeance, Which we exert against the Amish who are unrepentant. W is for Wool on sheep, Which provides handholds for the romantically bleak. X is for the Xylophone, Rife in the Lord's own blessed tones. Y is for Scotland Yard, Staffed primarily by Tory retards. and Z is for the Zenophobe, For although its misspelled plays an important role. |