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Friday, July 6, 2001 My professor was talking about "The Big C" -- cancer -- and how some people can't even say the word. One girl in our class of about 40 laughed out loud thinking it was a joke. I have to write a paper on lies and deception. Interesting, eh? I'll have to post that one here. I wish I could start some sort of forum on this site, allowing people to discuss some random topic I'd come up with on a weekly basis. Maybe I can look into that. I'm feeling industrious. Thursday, July 19, 2001 Lately I've been doing a major overhaul to this site. Of course nobody would know that except me and all of the people that ask the typical what-are-you-up-to?s. There may not be much to show for it, but it certainly is keeping me occupied. I've noticed this trend and the seeming lack of anything fruitful on my mind through the eyes of my poor, neglected Web journal. It's not that I don't have anything to say. In fact, I usually pride myself on always having something to say. The problem is that most of those thoughts are so scattered and deeply rooted in my mind and soul that it's taken a lot of inner exploration to come to any conclusions, however miniscule they may be. Please pardon the lapse in sharing. Are you happy? Saturday, July 21, 2001 There's still one contradiction in my persona that tends to bother me now and then. I like people a lot -- and I can't stand them at the same time. Well, it's very likely that I like genuine, interesting people a lot and dislike superficial non-thinkers, but sometimes things aren't so black and white. Maybe I'm just tired of social interaction. Maybe it's 3:06 am and I'm running on six hours of sleep (instead of the ideal nine) and ranting. Who knows. I always seem to spend the whole school year brooding, then the summer soul-searching. Having made a steady group of friends hasn't really nurtured the search. I'm used to having a lot more time to myself to think and explore, however thankful I am for these friendships. Coming to college from high school was a much-needed escape for me, having lived in the guilded cage of my parents' house for 18 years. I hate to fall into or claim any stereotypes, but in the case of Asian households, there is no way I can deny the pressure parents put on their children to excel. I didn't feel the pressure to do this any longer, which is a folly I've had to pay for throughout my college career. A lot of my freshman year was spent in deep thought and without companionship. I didn't really pity myself. A close-knit circle of friends and many extracurricular activities kept my mind distracted in high school. In college, ninety percent of the time I was satisfied as a quiet observer, toting around a spiral-bound journal with a butterfly on the cover, writing about everything that peaked my interest in this new setting. There's nothing comparable to the feeling of having the capability of acquiring limitless knowledge. It's exhiliarating. It's a blessing. It's difficult. I never knew quite where to begin in my search, though my craving for knowledge was unyielding. I learned a lot about myself and the "big picture," the reality of the world around me. I'm at that point again now, spinning in circles, craving exploration, finding new truths, but not knowing which way to step. I'm sure I'll find my footing at some point, but I have a feeling that terror and hope will battle unrelentlessly within me til then. I wouldn't have it any other way. It's ironic how lack of sleep can give you the energy to speak about fifty different things at once. Time for bed, kiddos. Sunday, July 22, 2001 It's just not fair. Brilliance is so damned intimidating. I've spent the morning (morning is a relative term) perusing through (gawking at) several Weblogs, namely The BradLands, mark bakalor, kottke.org, etc., etc., only to reinforce the notion that ignorance is NOT bliss. Not only do I have to learn HTML, Greymatter and/or Blogger, but I also have to gain better control of the language and some concern about the things going on around me. Have I become so self-centered that I cannot comment on nuclear war, our new President and Mario Party 3 (which, like the other two, is friggin' awesome)? I'm waging war on my brain. Kudos to the aforementioned. Correction: 12/04/01 -- Upon review of my site, I realized that the "two" in the above "which, like the other two, is friggin' awesome" may be misconstrued as nuclear war and our new President. This is not the case (so not the case in fact, on either count, that I had to make this correction). I was referring to Mario Party and Mario Party 2. Monday, July 23, 2001 It's been raining the Nile here in "sunny" Florida. It seems to come at the most appropriate times too. Rain and I have an interesting history together. Whenever things look bleak, Rain comes to console me. more of what Sarah's saying >> |
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