| BONNY PORTMORE Oh Bonny Portmore, you shine where you stand, And the more I think on you the more I think long If I had you now as I had once before All the Lords in Old England would not purchase Portmore. Oh Bonny Portmore I am sorry to see Such a woeful destruction of your ornament tree For it stood on your shore for many's the long day Till the long boats of Antrim came to float it away. All the birds in the forest they bitterly weep Saying, "Where will we shelter or where will we sleep?" For the oak and the ash they are all cutten down And the walls of Bonny Portmore are all down to the ground. Oh Bonny Portmore, you shine where you stand, And the more I think on you the more I think long If I had you now as I had once before All the Lords in Old England would not purchase Portmore. Canada's Really Big (The Arrogant Worms) Lyrics (spoken) thank you very much now we're very, uh, we're very patriotic canadians and we'd like to take this moment to, uh, to do our national anthem, that we wrote When I look around me, I can't believe what I see It seems as if this country has lost its will to live The economy is lousy; we barely have an army But we can still stand proudly because Canada's really big We're the second largest country on this planet earth And if Russia keeps on shrinking, then soon we'll be first! (As long as we keep Quebec) The USA has tanks, and Switzerland has banks They can keep them thanks, they just don't amount Cause when you get down to it, you find out what the truth is, It isn't what you do with it; it's the size that counts Most people will tell you that France is pretty large But you can put fourteen France's into this land of ours! (It'd take a lot of work; it'd take a whole lot of work We're larger than Malaysia, almost as big as Asia We're bigger than Australia and it's a continent So big we seldom bother to go see one another But we often go to other countries for vacations Our mountains are very pointy, our prairies are not The rest is kinda bumpy, but man do we have a lot! (We've got a lot of land; we've got a whole lot of land) So stand up and be proud and sing it very loud We stand out from the crowd; cause Canada's really big The Anachronism Tango By: Coemgen of Michelwald Music: "The Masochism Tango" By Tom Leher I ache for the touch of your sword, dear, And to call you milady/milord, dear, Let's dress like Celts And wear bunny pelts As we dance the Anachronism Tango. May our light be a flame, not a flash, love May the Pox never make us act rash, love Try not to laugh When I calligraph As we dance the Anachronism Tango. At your command In armor here I stand, My sword is in my hand--Ouch! Next time, I'll hold the hilt. The fight is fierce (To quote from Ambrose Bierce). So long--I gotta pierce That guy there, in the kilt. I think that my cloak's out of period (I got the design from Lem's _Cyberiad_), But none can assail My dominant mail As we dance the Anachronism Tango. I met a Knight When I ate at your table; Or, a stag rampant sable Were the arms that he bore. And we had quite a fight Whether it was a wagon, Or (as he claimed) a dragon, That he drove to the War. We'll cook leg of lamb, not knishes, And try to stretch out the loaves and fishes; And then we'll draw lots For who'll clean the pots As we dance the Anachronism Tango. I'll sew a seam, And make my armor gleam, And anything you deem Authentic, I shall try; I'll brew some beer, And then some sheep I'll shear, Because it is, my dear, A terrific day to dye. (Sorry.) So sew me a gown made of satin; Speak English, pretending that it's Latin, Or use "thee" and "thou," And "Zounds"--with an "ou"-- As we dance the Anachronism Tango. Henry By: Bertram of Bearington Tune: "The First Noel" The first good wife that King Henry won Was his brother's queen, Cath'rine of Aragon, 'Til thoughts of incest caused him strife And he dumped her to marry a second wife... CHORUS: Six wives he had, six wives had he, With never a thought for al-i-mon-y! The second wife that King Henry did win Was a well-endowed lady named Anne Boleyn, He loved her true, she had his good word, 'Til he cut her off to marry a third... CHORUS: The third good wife of King Henry was fair, Gentle Jane Seymour who gave him an heir. She expired soon after, King Henry was sore, So to soothe his sad soreness he sought number four... CHORUS: Lady Anne of Cleves to Henry's court went, Though their bond was dis-sol-ved by common consent. Lady Anne was no dummy, she came out alive, Though the same can't be said for good wife number five... CHORUS: Lady Cath'rine Howard was a "generous" queen, She had "very close" friendships, if you know what I mean, But those kinds of friendships and Henry don't mix, So it's, "Good-bye, Sweet Cath'rine" - hello number six... CHORUS: Lady Cath'rine Parr was not par for the course. She avoided annulment, beheading, divorce... Not because she was smart or especially fine, It was just that King Henry dropped dead just in time... CHORUS: Six wives he had, six wives had he, With never a thought for al-i-mon-y! Six wives he had, six wives had he, A Renaissance gentleman - real royalty! Itsy Bitsy Warrior Tune: Itsy Bitsy Spider The itsy bitsy warrior walked on the tourney field Out came the Duke and demanded that she yeild Out came her sword and she cut the Duke in twain And the itsy bitsy warrior walked off the field again. Leprosy Tune: Yesterday (The Beatles) Leprosy, All my skin is falling off of me And it's simple, very plain to see I've got a case of leprosy Leprosy, Friends and family shy away from me And I can't afford colony Oh I am stuck with leprosy Why I have to rot, I know not, I cannot say Gangrene is better but I am stuck with leprosy Leprosy, All my clothes are dirty rags, you see That's why all the people stare at me Oh why do I have leprosy? Why I have to rot, I know not, I cannot say Gangrene is better but I am stuck with leprosy Leprosy, I'm not half the man I used to be That's 'cause half of me is dead you see Oh I am plagued with leprosy Lewis Bridal Song (Marie's Wedding) Step we gaily, on we go,heel for heel and toe for toe, Arm in arm and roe on roe, all for Marie's Wedding! Over hillways up and down, myrtle green and bracken brown Past the shielin', thru the town, all for sake of Marie Red her cheeks as rowans are, brighter far than any star, Fairest o' them a', by far, is m'darlin' Marie! Plenty herring, plenty meal, plenty peat to fill her creel , Plenty bonnie bairns as weel, that's the toast for Marie! SCA By: Gavvin Quinn Tune: Rodeo (Garth Brooks) His eyes are cold and restless, his bruises almost healed, And she'd give half of Texas, just to change the way he feels. She knows his love's in Austin, She knows he's goin' away. Well, it ain't no woman flesh and blood, it's that damned old SCA! CHORUS: It's blows and blood, it's the dust and mud, It's the roar of a tourney crowd. It's the white in his belt, the blows he's dealt, Fightin' for the crown. It's sword and shield, it's plates of steel, And an enemy to slay. It's spurs and a chain, it's the joy and pain, And they call the thing SCA! She does her best to hold him, when his love comes to call. But his need for it controls him, her back's against the wall. And it's "So long girl I'll see you, " when it's time for him to play. You know the woman wants her stick-jock, like he want's his SCA! CHORUS: It'll drive a fighter crazy, It'll drive a man insane. And he'll sell off everything he owns, just to pay to play the game. And a broken home and some broken bones is all he has today. For all the years that he's spent chasing this dream they call SCA! CHORUS: It's the blows and the blood, It's the Dukes and the mud, And they call the thing SCA! The Wind that Shakes the Barley I sat within the valley green, I sat me with my true love. My sad heart strove the two between, The old love and the new love: The old for her, the new that made me Think on Ireland dearly While soft the wind blew down the glen And shook the golden barley. 'Twas hard the woeful words to frame, To break the ties that bound us, But harder still to bear the shame, Of foreign chains around us. And so I said, The mountain glen, I'll seek at morning early And join the bold united men, While soft winds shake the barley. While sad I kissed away her tears, My fond arms round her flinging, When a foeman's shot burst on our ears From out the wildwood ringing. A bullet pierced my true love's side In life's young spring so early, And on my breast, in blood she died, While soft winds shook the barley. I bore her to some mountain stream And many's the summer blossom I placed with branches soft and green About her gore-stained bosom I wept and kissed her clay-cold corpse Then rushed o'er vale and valley My vengeance on the foe to wreak While soft wind shook the barley But blood for blood without remorse I've taken at Oulart Hollow, And laid my true love's clay cold corpse Where I full soon may follow, As round her grave I wander drear, Noon, night and morning early, With breaking heart when'er I hear The wind that shakes the barley. Come All Ye Fair And Tender Ladies Come all ye fair and tender ladies Take warning how you court young men They're like a bright star on a cloudy morning They will first appear and then they're gone. They'll tell to you some loving story To make you think that they love you true Straightway they'll go and court some other Oh that's the love that they have for you. I wish I were some little sparrow And I had wings and I could fly I would fly away to my false true lover And while he'll talk I would sit and cry. But I am not some little sparrow I have no wings nor can I fly So I'll sit down here in grief and sorrow And try to pass my troubles by. I wish I had known before I courted That love had been so hard to gain I'd of locked my heart in a box of golden And fastened it down with a silver chain. Young men never cast your eye on beauty For beauty is a thing that will decay For the prettiest flowers that grow in the garden How soon they'll wither, will wither and fade away. Win Crown Words: Godytha of Whiteraven and Asahla Telerion When you're alone, and life is making you lonely, you can always go: Win Crown. When you feel grotty, all the groupies and toadies seem to help, I know: Win Crown. Just listen to the fawning of the sycophants and phonies, Linger on the eric with your buddies and your cronies, Drinking a beer: Chorus The belts are much whiter there, And you can triple your phone bill, and cripple your car, When you win Crown, Things will be great when you win Crown, You're head of state when you win Crown, Everyone's waiting for you. Don't hang around with other dogmeat around you, there are knights to stalk: Win Crown. Maybe you know some little passes or blows to where they never block: Win Crown. Just listen to the rhythm of the crashing of the armour, You'll be smashing with them or off flirting with some charmer, Who wants to be queen: Chorus Think of the joys of tactics planned with the boys at tourneys and at wars: Win Crown. Gifts you will get from people you've never met at courts held by the score: Win Crown. And you may find some lady kind and organized to fight for, She can do the paperwork and sew your costumes right for, You to enjoy: Chorus An Tir (to the tune of Y.M.C.A.) Young man, there's no need to feel down. I said, young man, if you're fighting for crown. I said, young man, 'cause there's ladies around, Who will happ'ly be your consort. Young man, there are benefits, too. I said, young man, when you find that you're through. You can be known, and they'll all look to you If you have a stick-jock's talent. It's fun to fight for crown here in An Tir. It's fun to fight for crown here in An Tir. They have everything for you lords to enjoy, Even ladies can fight the boys ... It's fun to fight for crown here in An Tir. It's fun to fight for crown here in An Tir. You can get yourself crowned, you can have a good meal, You can dress however you feel.... Young man, are you listening to me? I said, young man, what do you want to be? I said, young man, you can make real your dreams. But you got to know this one thing! No man does it all by himself. I said, young man, put your pride on the shelf, The peerage will show you your true self. They will help improve demeanor. It's fun to fight for crown here in An Tir. It's fun to fight for crown here in An Tir. They have everything for you lords to enjoy, Even ladies can fight the boys ... It's fun to fight for crown here in An Tir. It's fun to fight for crown here in An Tir. You can get yourself crowned, you can have a good meal, You can dress however you feel.... Young man, I was once in your shoes. I said, I was down and out with the blues. I felt no man cared if I were alive. And mundania was so tight.... That's when someone came up to me, And said, young man, take a walk up the street. There's a place there and they call it An Tir. They can start you back on your way. It's fun to fight for crown here in An Tir. It's fun to fight for crown here in An Tir. They have everything for you lords to enjoy, Even ladies can fight the boys ... Originally by Cake Album: Fashion Nugget (1996) [Going] The Distance The Distance by Serena Fabritzio Expectantly crouched in the tourney field, Waiting and hoping the other will yield. The marshals signal, the staffs go down. Clubbing and thumping, they fight for the crown. They deftly maneuver and block every hit, Chirurgeans check through their first aid kit. Ducking and cutting, they try and land shots. Their muscles are aching and burning a lot. As they speed through the rounds, the crowd quiets down. The ladies are swooning, the winner is crowned The field is empty except for one man, Still diving and striving as best as he can. The moon has come up and the sun has gone down, And long ago somebody left with the crown. But he's ducking and swinging and hugging the shield. And wishing that someone had decided to yield. He's going the distance. He's going for speed. She's all alone In her time of need. Because he's blocking and ducking and planning his shots, He's fighting and cursing, whenever he gets caught. He's going the distance. No trophy, no flowers, no candles, no wine, He's haunted by something he cannot define. Bowel-shaking earthquakes of doubt and remorse, Assail him, impale him with monster-like force. In his mind, he's still fighting, still making the grade. She's hoping in time that her memories will fade. Because he's blocking and ducking and planning his shots, He's fighting and cursing, whenever he gets caught. The moon has come up and the sun has gone down, And long ago somebody left with the crown. But he's ducking and swinging and hugging the shield. And wishing that someone had decided to yield. Cause he's going the distance. He's going for speed. She's all alone In her time of need. Because he's blocking and ducking and planning his shots, He's fighting and cursing, whenever he gets caught. He's blocking and ducking and planning his shots, He's fighting and cursing, whenever he gets caught. He's going the distance. He's going for speed. He's going the distance. |