GREY FUNNEL LINE
(Cyril Tawney)

Don't mind the wind nor the rolling sea
The weary night never worries me
But the hardest time in a sailor's day
Is to watch the sun as it fades away

It's one more day on the grey funnel line

The finest ship that sails the sea
Is still a prison for the likes of me
But give me wings like Noah's dove
I'll fly up harbor to the one I love

There was a time my heart was free
Like a floating spar on the open sea
But now that spar is washed ashore
It comes to rest at my real love's door.

Every time I gaze behind the screws
Makes me long for St Peter's shoes
I'd walk on down that silver lane
And take my love in my arms again

Oh Lord, if dreams were only real
I'd have my hands on that wooden wheel
And with all my heart I would turn her 'round
And tell the boys that we're homeward bound

I'll pass the time like some machine
Until blue water turns to green
Then I'll dance down that walk on shore
And sail the Grey Funnel Line no more.
And sail the Grey Funnel Line no more.



THE LOCH TAY BOAT SONG

When I've done the work of day, and I row my boat away
Down the waters of Loch Tay as the evening light is fading,
Then I look upon Ben Lawers, where the after glories glow
And I dream on two bright eyes with a melting mouth below.
She's my beauteous nighean ruadh, she's my joy and sorrow too;
Though I own she is not true, ah, but I cannot live without her.
For my heart's a boat in tow, and I'd give the world to know
If she means to let me go, as I sing hori horo.

Nighean ruadh, your lovely hair has more beauty I declare
Than all the tresses fair from Killeen to Aberfeldy.
Be they lint-white, brown, or gold, be they blacker than the sloe,
They mean not as much to me as a melting flake of snow.
And her dance is like the gleam of the sunlight on the stream
And the songs the wee folk sing, they're the songs she sings at milking.
But my heart is full of woe, for last night she bade me go,
And the tears begin to flow, as I sing hori horo.




SEVEN OLD LADIES

Oh, dear, what can the matter be
Seven old ladies got locked in the lavat'ry
They were there from Sunday 'till Saturday
Nobody knew they were there

The first to come in was the minister's daughter
She went in to pass some superfluous water
She pulled on the chain and the rising tide
caught her
And nobody knew she was there

The next to come in was dear Mrs. Mason
The stalls were all full so she pissed in the basin
And that is the water that I washed my face in
And nobody knew she was there

The third old lady was Amelia Garpickle;
Her urge was sincere, her reaction was fickle.
She hurdled the door; she'd forgotten her nickel,
And nobody knew she was there

The forth to come was old Mrs. Humphrey
She shifted and jiggled to get herself comfy
Then to her dismay, she could not get her bum free
And nobody knew she was there

The fifth to come in, it was old Mrs. Draper
She sat herself down, and then found there was no paper
She had to clean up with a plasterer's scraper
And nobody knew she was there

The sixth old lady was Emily Clancy;
She went there 'cause something tickled her fancy,
But when she got there it was ants in her pantsy
And nobody knew she was there

The Seventh old lady was Abigail Quimm
Who crossed her legs on a personal whim,
But her thigh got caught twixt the bowl and the rim
And nobody knew she was there.

The janitor came in the early morning.
He opened the door without any warning,
The seven old ladies their seats were adorning,
And nobody knew they were there.



OLD DUN COW
(Harry Wincott 1893)

Some friends and I in a public house
Were playing dominoes one night
When into the room a fireman came,
His face all chalky white
"What's up?" says Brown, "Have you seen a ghost?"
"Have you seen your Aunt Moriah?"
"Oh my Aunt Moriah be buggered," says he,
"The bleeding pubs on fire"

"Oh," says Brown, "What a bit of luck
Everybody follow me
It's down to the cellar if the fire's not there
Then we'll have a grand old spree"
So we all went down with good old Brown
And the booze we could not miss
And we hadn't been there ten minutes or more
Till we were quite like this

Oh, there was Brown, up side down
Mopping up the whiskey on the floor
"Booze, booze" the firemen cried
As they come a knockin' at the door
"Well don't let em in till it's all mopped up
Somebody shouted, "MacIntyre"
And we all got blue blind paralytic drunk
When the Old Dun Cow caught fire

Then Smith ran over to the port wine tub
And gave it just a few hard knocks
He started taking off his pantaloons
Likewise his shoes and socks
"Oh no," says Brown, "That t'ain't allowed
You can't do that there
Don't be washing your trotters in the port wine tub
When we got some Guinesses beer"

Then there came a mighty crash
Half the bloody room caved in
And we were drownded by the fireman's hose
Though we were almost happy
So we got some tacks
and some wet old sacks
And we packed ourselves inside
And we sat there getting bleery eyed drunk
When the Old Dun Cow caught fire



ON A MISTY MOISTY MORNING

On a misty moisty morning, when cloudy was the weather,
I met a withered old man a-clothed all in leather,
He was clothed all in leather with a cap beneath his chin, singin':

"How d' you do and how d' you do and how d' you do again"

This rustic was a treasure as on his way he hide
And with a leather bottle fast buckled by his side
He wore no shirt upon his back with wool unto his skin, singin':

I went a little further and there I met a maid
A-goin' a-milking, milkin's o'er she said
Then I began to compliment and she began to sing, sayin':

This maid, her name was Dolly, clothed in a gown of grey
I being somewhat jolly, persuaded her to stay
And straight I fell a-courting her in hopes her love to win, singin':

I having time and leisure, I spent a vacant hour
A-telling of my treasure while sitting in the bower
And the in kind embraces I strolled her double chin, singin':

I said that I would married be and she would be my bride
And along we should not tarry in twenty things beside
I'll plough and sow and reap and mow and you shall sit and spin, singin':

Her parents then consented, all parties were agreed
Her portion thirty shillings, we married were with speed
Then Will, the piper, he did play, while others dance and sing, sayin':

Then lusty rovin' robin with many damsels gay
To drive and roam to dawning to celebrate the day
And when they met together, their caps they off did fling, sayin':



THE RATTLIN' BOG

Chorus:
Ho ro, the rattlin' bog
The bog down in the valley-o
Ho ro, the rattlin' bog
The bog down in the valley-o

Now in this bog there was a tree
A rare tree, a rattlin' tree
Tree in the bog and the bog down in the valley-o

Chorus

Now on this tree there was a limb
A rare limb, a rattlin' limb
Limb on the tree, tree in the bog, and the bog down in the
valley-o...

branch
Twig
Nest
Egg
Bird
Wing
Feather
Bug
Eye
Gleam



TWA RECRUITIN' SERGEANTS

1. Twa recruiting sergeants came fra the Black Watch
Tae markets and fairs, some recruits for tae catch
But a' that they 'listed was forty and twa:
Enlist my bonnie laddie an' come awa

Chorus:
And it's over the mountain and over the main
Through Gibralter, to France and Spain
Pit a feather tae your bonnet, and a kilt aboon your knee
Enlist my bonnie laddie and come awa with me.

2. Oh laddie ye dinna ken the danger that yer in
If yer horses was to fleg, and yer owsen was to rin
This greedy ole farmer, he wouldna pay yer fee
Sae list my bonnie laddie and come awa wi' me

3. With your tattie porin's and yer meal and kale,
Yer soor sowan' soorin's and yer ill-brewed ale,
Yer buttermilk, yer whey, and yer breid fired raw
Sae list my bonnie laddie and come awa

4. And its into the barn and out o' the byre
This ole farmer, he thinks ye never tire
It's slavery a' yer life, a life o' low degree
Sae list my bonnie laddie and come awa with me

5. O laddie if ye've got a sweetheart an' a bairn,
Ye'll easily get rid o' that ill-spun yarn
Twa rattles o' the drum aye and that'll pay it a'
Sae list my bonnie laddie and come awa.




Jesus� Brother Bob

If you haven't heard of me I wouldn't be surprised
I bet you know my relatives their names will never die
My mother is a saint and my brother is a God
But all I am is Jesus' Brother Bob

CHORUS
Jesus' Brother Bob, Jesus' Brother Bob
A nobody relative of the son of God
If only I'd been born just a little sooner
I'd be more than the brother of God junior

I have to pay the ferry to cross the Galilee
But not my brother, no not him, he walks across for free
I finally get to work 'bout a quarter after nine
Already he's turning water into wine

CHORUS

One day when I was home I heard a mightly roar
There were a thousand people right outside the door
"Help us Jesus, Help us" came the cheering from the mob
Then they got a look at me, "Oh nuts, it's only Bob."

CHORUS

He died upon the cross, I thought that I was free
Finally people would get to know me for me
This was my big chance to finally get ahead
The next thing you know he's rising from the dead

CHORUS
Arrrr...  Show me more, ye landlubber!
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