5:45 p.m.
Soon I won't be able to do my time notations. I'm going to have to pawn my watch and hope that I can get at least $200 for it, but they have one over a barrel and know it. One needs the cash and must take what one can get.
I'm minded of a fortune cookie I once read. Must have been at Ji Lee's Chinese Smorgasbord & Swedish Bakery over in Almonte. I always was partial to their Peking Duck. It said, "Human beings believe they are devils pretending to be angels when, in fact, the reverse is true." I've always tried to keep that one close to my heart, but sometimes it is very hard, especially when one knows oneself as well as I know myself, and when one has seen what I have seen.
But this afternoon, it held true. Xena didn't use my $50 to get high, rather she spent some of her own money on things she thought I needed or would like. I must think of a way to help her. She'd make a good teacher or a counselor.
I now have an adequate wardrobe & I know who I'm supposed to be. I'm registered under the name of Ray Dixon from Los Angeles. The room was paid for until the end of the year. She said that it was rather odd - neither of the clerks, neither day nor night, recalled checking me in. Ray Dixon just appeared on the books in Rm. 666 on the 13th with a notation that the room was paid through 31 Dec. Do not disturb. I don't know if this is the work of the "gift horse" or the "pale horse."
Xena went shopping at the Goodwill &, in a bit of freakishness, the Mission Dolores Thrift Shop, which is where the Raynes have always made donations. I have my own shoes back - a pair of loafers that had always pinched a bit. They hadn't seen much use, so when Dominick cleaned out my closet a few months ago, I told him to donate them. She said she thought they were "bitchin" shoes. (Haven't heard that one in a while - must be in vogue again.) The size was right, so she splurged $25 on the shoes alone.
As for the rest, I now have a pair of jeans that don't gall me ($10), be thankful for small blessings; 2 pr. of socks ($1/each); 2 T-shirts ($2/each); underwear, which had to be new ($8); 2 shirts ($5/each); a sweatshirt, not crazy about the logo - tasteless to wear advertising ($8); a baseball cap - the "A's" ($3), a fedora would have been better, but....; & a jacket ($25). She splurged on the jacket as well. She said it was a choice between corduroy or leather, which was $10 more, but I seemed like the leather type. So the clothing came to $95.
She got a free backpack at Goodwill if she spent more than $75 there. So I now have a pack, plus the makings of a rudimentary shaving kit, toothbrush & paste, a comb, etc. plus a blanket, a small cooking pan, a plastic cup, a fork, spoon, & a pocket knife. I feel wealthy. I have possessions once more. (I think she's got the 'Sight' & doesn't know it.) They had a Swiss Army Knife that she wanted, but she couldn't dicker them down, she said. She even remembered the bandages & ointment. But what completely surprised me is that she bought me a pair of sunglasses & a magnifying glass. She said she'd noticed that my eyes were giving me trouble & thought they might help.
All totaled the bill came to $123.56. She said she'd take a note & I could pay her later, but I gave her the full amount. Her heart's in the right place & it's a generous heart, but I fear this was her way of getting enough cash to feed her habit. She saw what I had when I gave her the $50. I hate to think that way, but I know what a catastrophic thing addiction can be. I hope she pays the rent with it so that one of them doesn't have to service the landlord again.
Now I'm left with $5.17. The watch will have to go - soon. Too bad. Mother
gave it to me. C'est la vie. So be it, and this too shall pass.
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