To: Sr. Ingrid Rayne
c/o Convent of the Blessed Sacrament
Sonoma, CA
maandag, 29 november
My dearest daughter,
I am enclosing the letter I received this evening via your brother's attorney. Doubtless you received one as well. Derek told me that I could share it with you, that it would be easier to bear if I did. It is not an easy letter to read - so much desolation. I am so very thankful that the two of you reconciled over the past couple of years.
Because of the pain it will bring you, I would rather not send you this letter at all. However, you do have the right to know, just as he told me I had the right to know. He had fears about your Father. You will understand when you read it. My heart rejects all of these theories, save the obsession to use the sepulchres to do good, but Derek could be a brilliant, insightful man. If he was right, then it is vital that you know his thoughts. Perhaps, by your "gift", you will be able to judge how strong your brother's beliefs were, and how much of what he wrote was his own fear and depression speaking.
I know that you deeply resented your father because of what his obsession did to our family. That was only part of the reason I brought you back to Amsterdam. I loved the Winston Rayne I married with all my heart. I was very young; he was older and already set upon his course. Like so many war brides, I had difficulty adapting to America. Even though I was "of the Legacy", it was hard being isolated on that island.
As your father became more enmeshed in the Legacy's investigations of the evils of the Nazi regime and then in the Sepulchres, I felt that he increasingly came to regard me as just another House member, another researcher - even after you both came along. I hoped that would pass in time. However, I knew the night that Derek was born that should either of you show "talent", that we would have to leave. I never told Derek, and now I am thankful that I did not. I believe the island itself worked against us on the night of his birth. It was determined that he would be born in that house. That island, and all of its mystical vortices, would make Derek its own, no matter what. I knew the time was close. We had tried for three days to get to the mainland, but we kept delaying because of the weather. The winds and waves were too high. Then at the moment of the first labour pain, the storm broke in earnest. I've never seen anything like it - not even on the night you, your brother, and I fled for good. What would Derek have made of that when he joined it with his theory of being demon spawned? Such a combination might have shattered him.
The plans for a service do not go well. It is not the Church that is a stumbling block. It is the Ruling Council. Even if his death was what everyone makes it out to be - a suicide - Archbishop Seguin, who does not believe a word of it, assures me that the Church would be amenable to a service on Angel Island or even Mission Dolores. They would allow one because of Dr. Corrigan's statement of emotional instability, which is the very thing the Legacy is using against Derek. Hypocrites all!
The Ruling Council suggests a discrete service in England, perhaps at the church in Rayne, or in Amsterdam. They do not want publicity connected with San Francisco. All I can say is that my son wanted a service either at Mission Dolores or on the island, and he shall have it. Even if I have to beard the Legacy's lions in their very den. I'll shake them of the idea that England or Europe is "safer", even if I have to threaten to call upon both their Majesties, Elizabeth and Beatrix, for assistance. There are members of the Council who know that I can and will do so.
So, mijn muisje, it is very strange to think of our family as now being only two. No matter how far apart we were, literally and figuratively, I always thought of it as being the three of us, just as when you were both small. One day soon it will be only you. I am so very proud of you and happy for you that you have found your place in life. You and your brother will always be my babies. I love you both far more than words can express. I pray that he knew.
I shall be in touch about the service. Derek would have wanted either the Archbishop or Philip Callaghan to officiate. Perhaps, it can be both.
With all my love, Mama
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