Seduction

When first I came wandering
into this cold confinement
My friend talked about things
I couldn't hear then
but listen to now
when voices are louder
with distance brought closer

My Sister, she said
you've come for a year
maybe two
but you'll stay
longer

Life's moving on
patterns are shifting
Times are just changing
And my sister, she said
The longer you linger
in this seductive dying
the more silent, you'll see
You'll become.

Twenty years, she said,
in this cold confinement
and every winter I'm packing
to leave.

Twenty year, she said
putting by a little
for the days that are coming
Not living these days that are going
have gone

Twenty winters
deciding to leave
and stop dreaming
start living
Start hoping again
that times will be changing

Twenty winters
of wanting
to cross the Atlantic
again
to the place of
some kind of homecoming
again

But that's changing
This place is the home of my children
so the picture is shifting
again

Twenty winters of crying to leave
Then summer comes in
gloomy but brighter
life holding some promise again
and I linger
longer
in this seductive dying
this sad and sweet subsisting
and the more silent, it appears,
I become

Going home becomes harder, she says
cold winter is homely
the fire replaces the sun
and yet there's a longing
for the places that gave me a longing
for leaving

So what keeps me wandering still
she wonders
New roots, she says, new shoots
And home moving further away

my voice becomes weaker
the hope of returning grows fainter
till later when older
when things will be better
but the white clouds are distant and cold
black pride is a promise I keep

and the longer I linger
in this seductive dying
the more silent, my friend,
I feel,
I become.

But perhaps, she says
perhaps there is a foundation
that people like me have been building
perhaps I haven't just wilted
while others have shouted
Perhaps I haven't just wasted and waited
Perhaps my quiet determined surviving
Give shouting voices their strength
Perhaps she says, if I'm not too fanciful
Your shouting, my friend
is only my silence intoned

But sister, I remember,
she pleaded
try not to linger too long
in this seductive dying
this sad and sweet subsisting
or the more silent
you'll see
you'll become.