"Within"

I am at peace, alone, within peace itself. The outer vision: man, women, and child, circumambulating that pearl of pearls, above, below, under those arches of glory, gravitating around the center of the universe. That black ruby calls me from afar, this is where you belong, this is your home. This is what you've been longing for all your life.

Life, that other life that seems so distant that I cannot even think of what it is, or was. What it was is no longer, for my heart loves it no more. Watching the blackest of African women, with their babies strapped to their backs, encircle the Kaaba burns that pure lamp within me, brings light and beauty to my eyes. Everywhere, children, mothers, happiness. Even the beggars are happy. They are near their Lord, and it enlivens them, makes them smile, cools that fire within, quiets the winds of desire, stills the turbulent ocean.

The inner vision: I see angels gravitating around Allah's throne. I am reminded, no I am there, on the Day of Judgement. Voices call out all around me, to my left, right, I close my eyes and hear a confused melody, a chorus of prayers. Hundreds call out, thousands repeat, I cannot see from where, but out of the masses of people neither they nor I are in the crowd. We are lost, lost in the dunya, reaching for Akhira.

A shrouded body is brought forward, and I cry, thinking about the one last journey that I shall never write about, I feel it close, so close to my heart. My spirit may soon leave me. These beautiful little birds dance across the morning sky and sing, yet I have never seen one clearly. They do not like to stop. I wonder if they are angels, or whether they contain the spirits of the righteous, whose only love is to attend to the house of God.

I step back for a moment, for years, to take in the image of those who are happy with nothing in the world. I feel all my years of sin being lifted off of my shoulders, I feel pure, like when we were young chasing fireflies near the mosque, breathing that cool evening air. I never want to leave this land, my home. Something holds me, deep inside, it quiets all the noise, any sound within. The voices have left, and it is only me and my Lord who are left to speak.