My life is eating at my soul.
I made a mistake, and my guilt is killing me.
My lie is intolerable.
The truth came out and now I'm broken.
The guilt is still there.
It makes me wonder if I could have prevented this pain.
Not knowing if I'm rejected, unwanted, and newly unloved.
Not knowing if I'm forgiven, wanted, and loved.
The wait is unbearable.
Did I hurt my love with the truth or the lie?
Aren't they the same?
Isn't the outcome no different than if I had kept my secret?
No.
Then the guilt would have destroyed us both.
It's better this way, they say.
Maybe for him, but not for me.
Love is cruel. Why didn't I listen to my instincts
Instead of my burning heart?
Because I would have wondered what love is like.
The most painful truth of all is:
I still don't know what love is like.
Now I am again like an ice cold blue marble.
Barbie Marsh