The Dark

As I ascend down the stairway� what do I see? Darkness, death, and the aroma of sawdust burning my lungs. I try to squeeze through the narrow passage, clutching the railing for fear that all the madness and pain will suck me in. I feel all the hatred, perhaps from my childhood, all the bottled up anger that I had for my father and all the frustration I had from my mother. All caged in, I feel it in one moment, one intense feeling of rage.
I�m almost blown back on my ass by the experience, but I press on, reaching the next step. With every step I feel even colder, it feels like I�m dead but yet alive at the same time. I feel the walls tugging at me, like demons trying to pull me into hell. I resist them, I fight them with every step I make, but they get stronger. Their skinny little fingers ripping at my clothing. I try and ignore their moans and cries for help and I try and move on, slapping their tiny hands away and screaming at them to go away.
The stairs creek from beneath my feet, I feel as though that there tormented souls are trying reach for help, as though the demons from the walls are trapping them there for eternity. One of the lost souls reaches out and clings to my leg, trying to get away. I bat it away and then it is pulled back into the stairs and is gone.
Huge black bats fly into my face and try to get a hold of my scalp. Their eyes, red like fire, and their wings are leathery and hit me in the face as they fly by.
I stumble, and fall flat on my face after tumbling down the first flight of stairs. My forehead bleeds, the devilish imps poking at my cuts and bruises and biting at my limbs. Black snakes coil around my legs and try to cut off my circulation, and bite my stomach. The gatekeepers of the under world at the end of the second flight of stairs, beckoning my demise.
I thrash at the walls and beat down all the voices and visions, but they push me back down. Again I fall and I crawl into the corner of the tiny space. Curling into a ball and mumbling to myself, �This isn�t happening this isn�t happening!� A huge blast of heat rushes up to me from the door at the bottom of the stair well. I see a figure standing before me, and I nearly couldn�t control my fear. The bright flame of the figure blinded me and burned at my eyes. Then a large hand comes out and grabs me and pulls me up off the ground, my feet no longer touched. It choked me and I could feel my neck bubbling from the heat of the enormous hand. It stared at me and I felt as if it was gazing into my soul and scorching it as I peered back at the demonic presence. Then before I knew it the figure threw me into the wall almost bashing me through the concrete. It then dropped me, perhaps out of mercy or pity, maybe out of disgust or my weak body. My head then drooped down out of exhaustion, and my neck bled. His hand took me by the chin and held up my head so that he could look me in the eye again. I saw his minions looking at me from behind him, mocking my life and me. Saying it was all a joke and that I would soon die an unhappy soul and then I would be a part of the stairway. Lost and forgotten by people I care about.
The figure I know wanted to either kill me or burn away whatever was left of my soul. Then something very surprising happened� �You are pitiful� look at you Ray, you�re letting me destroy you, you�re letting your loved ones and you friends get to you. You wish to die is that it? I assure you that you will not want to die because I can make the rest of your undead life even more hell then your living one. The day of forgiving and forgetting is here, that is the only way you can find happiness in your life,� the figure said to me.
�But I�I can�t forgive� I can�t forget�� I tried to say through the blood pouring from my mouth.
The figure then backhanded me with his fist in raged by my defiance.
�NO! Boy you must heed my words and do as I tell you or I will always be there and I will always make you miserable. When you die Ray you will be punished if you do not forgive people.� The creature replied.
I then spat out a couple of teeth and said, �You�You know my name?�How?�
�Of coarse I know your name RAY. How you ask? Because I am you, I am your rage, your darkness, your conflict, and I can destroy you. This entire miserable crypt was made by your mind. I am a reflection of you defiance in not believing what all your friends have told you and yet you still do not understand.�
I then try sitting up, but the thing is angered, so he takes me by the back of my head and bashes my head into one of the steps. And again, then he says, �SEE THAT?! Those people trapped in those steps Ray! Those are your friends! The friends you have failed and the friends that you have hurt mentally! They are trapped and the only way you can free them and defeat me is to forgive and forget about the past, and for you to move on from all the rejections and sorrow in your life.�
It throughs my head back into the concrete wall and then my body lays there limp and bleeding. There were scratches on my limbs and bruises on my face, but I found the strength to say, �I believe you now�and�and�I will forgive whoever I can, but I will always feel sorrow again. I can�t j�just forget what has happened�The people I love are leaving me and I can�t stop them and I can�t control it nor will I make them feel guilty��
Suddenly the warmth stops, the imps, demons, ghosts, gargoyles, and the screams of the people in the stairs have subsided. Most of all, the Devilish Figure is gone, and I am once again cold and exhausted. My eyes droop and I fall unconscious.
I came to realize after my experience that I am an insignificant person, in my own little insignificant world, and I finally see that I am not the only one who gets hurt by lost love, or maybe by just a friend�

Voices in my Head

Mysterious dark faces in my mind
Luminous clouds in my nerves
Dead people in my eyes
Why can't it stop?
Reality is to hard
I hate everyone
Why can't we be friends?
Pushing me
Pushing me
Pushing me
Death on my mind
Angels on my shoulders
They don't work
It's still there
I can't shake this feeling
It's suicide�

Not knowing

I don't know what to do
I can't think any longer
My brain is shot
My mind can't sort things out
Is this the way it should be?
Why can't you get me out?
I thought I should say
That I will always love you
I mean it this way...

Cranial Decay

All alone
In the Darkness and Decay or my own mind
I sit and wait
Dank and Dark
I can no longer think
I can only wait
Wait for nothing
For my life to come back to me
But it's gone
So they watch me curl up and die
No one helps me
Blood runs from my eyes as tears
And so they watch me
Like vultures on the prowl
I lose site of them in the darkness
Of the torn up ruins that is... my mind...

Innocent Decay

Dark Resolution

"~" This is something my nefew (Ryan Cutler)and I wrote together "~"

Clutched in your fist
I see
The shape of my heart
Being ripped apart

Pools of Blood

I revel in your pain and suffering,
I make you hurt,
I show you my mind,
Human anxiety,
Paranoia,
Time to see what I really am,
I know how much you wanted this,
It's time for me to start living,
Now it's time to die,
And I struggle,
Let me drown in pools of blood.

Words of Warning

Love...
It starts so innocently
But it grows
If not meant in the right way at first
It gets worse
If babied for a long time it matures to a blooming flower
But be for warned
If pushed to soon
It can spawn to a thriving monster
A horrendous black vine
Choking off every ounce of being left in you
And when your soul is engulfed in that purgatorial weed
You�ll see
That sometimes...
That�s love...

Sonnet #1

Life is so tragic sometimes, so out of control
Born, hurling through a child like reality
Strife filled mortality, such as black clouds
Torn from the wome into a chaotic place

Thrown into a system that does not understand you
Bound to a place that does not need you
Sewn to the very fabric of existence
Hounds of society pick and unravel

Trying to live, only wanting to give up,
All you have for something you are without
Crying in the end when you realize a,
Call from the one who destroyed you

When does such a person realize the way?
Love is the only sanctuary from tragedy