The copy: I hate it, and here's a sample:  "Rediscover the life you used to live."  Oh good grief!  I don't *want* to live the life I used to live.  (I can't hardly stand the one I'm living now ;-)  But I think we all have to agree that this statement is so broadly absurd  that it's not even worth the ink they used to print it.  In other words, you could plug it into a vacation ad for the Bahamas and it would work just as well. 

But there's more:  "[This patch] helps give you back the comfort and confidence menopause took away."  Oh really?  First, it's assumed that women in menopause lack confidence.  This is bad....very bad.  Insulting even.  Over the years I've heard endless accounts from women who claim that menopause has given them an edge they've never had before.  (Okay, some call it insanity, but it's the seed of confidence ;-)  At any rate, it's another ridiculous statement.  To claim that a drug can help restore human  confidence is the sort of primitive logic I'd expect from cocaine pushers. 

By far the most damaging advice from these advertisers is to "Go back to being the woman you used to be...."  Is that really what any of us want?  Oh goody! --- the insecurities and confusion of adolescence, the drudge and mess of the childbearing years, complete with Manhattan-sized maxi pads, tampons falling from our purses, pregnancy scares,  homicidal PMS, our bodies trapped in 28-day biological rat mazes.  The broad message is that we must all look back, and not forward---the opposite from technology ads geared to men, which appeal to their male lust for "the future!"  "state-of-the-art!"  "cutting edge!" 

The assumption is that things (all things?)  were better when we were menstruating women, and that we must thrust our physical bodies into reverse to experience fulfillment once again.  What nonsense!  I have a mental image of the ad team:  five 30-something, slick New York yuppie males and two token women who think they'll be 22 years old and a size 5 forever, brainstorming over their sushi lunches.  Comforting that we have such "experts" educating us about the physiology and psychology of menopause, isn't it?  (By the way, the money this corporation spent on this promotion would probably feed thousands of homeless children for a month.)

Caution!  Before using this product, be aware of the possible ramifications of going back to the woman you "used to be."  Because aside from the very acute possibility of  getting cancer and dying,  plastering on too many of these time machine patches can cause you to wake up one day wearing pigtails (with confidence!) and overwhelmed with an urge to play Barbies.

Gayle ([email protected])