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| JOURNEY Forest huge, thick and green, rise to my left though I see black heavy clouds from the right. I'm just halfway my journey from past into now and hope I can make some more miles before night. I look across the narrow road; as far as I can see, feeling tired as I suffer in my lonely silent pain; scared to be alone as I for the time being will be, I hear the leaves move more; the sound of coming rain. Not easy, confusing, to find my way back home to you, no matter the many times I remember I tried before like it's on purpose every path I roam suddenly ends while all I long for is your image standing by the door. You know that I love you, though maybe I didn't show, guess I took so much for granted; blamed you for all pain. I should have been stronger and never would have run; I'm realizing that again while facing lightning and rain. The time has come to fight against my being too weak; there is nothing just for granted in people's life I take some more steps for I'm gonna win, as I seek my only way back to you; to please let me be your wife. Your smile finally found me at our same old paintless door and I immediately felt peace again. You reached out your hands, they were warm, grasped mine and I felt secure once again. Your arms I missed so badly; they enfolded me completely and I felt love once again. Your mouth near; your kiss burned its way into my heart and I felt alive once again. We both were standing there; we never ever would let go the feeling we belonged together forever; No doubt no more for we will always know... Lya |
| WE CAN DO IT Not a really long time ago something bad was going on in my life it was not easy, really hard to show; I knew I could win but I had to strive.. I looked in the mirror one usual day and got scared by what I did see. I tried to run but there was no way; my twin sis was looking back at me.. She was really in pain I clearly recall, but for someone to help she never did ask and though she was trying so hard not to fall she suddenly broke down; I had a task. Found out she was an addict now she confessed it was to ease her pain I was afraid, I didn't know how to rescue the other me, not to lose but gain.. I begged her to please take my hand to live with me while we would try her suffering and despair to understand; although inside I knew her reasons why.. Her past was chasing her really bad she could not cope with her present life every day struggling to not get mad while she was a mother as well as a wife.. It was far from easy for my alter ego to heal she would have given her live to never face the sorrow of memories, too scary to feel; neglected, ignored, lost in her young days.. I started to work and it's hard to explain; one day was bad, worse or just another day Would she have strength to fight one again or pick up another drink to escape in her way.. Sometimes she almost gave up; it was hard not being high, alone with thoughts so cold; when would she reach the more easier part to again live her life with her loved ones to hold.. She had doubts so often, but she was strong and changed her ways form so weak into good, she realized at last where she really did belong and chose to come home to stay if she could.. It was a long way, but now she's doing fine; she still tries to make up for her mistake She knows for sure that at the end of the line the decisions she took were not easy to make.. I'm proud of her and I think she's really great and I hope that one day she'll worry no more about all sad, stupid mistakes she and I made; forever forget about what was in our past by just very simply close that door.. Lya |
| TAKE GOOD CARE Make your life worth living for make it into something good take good care of your children all mothers, all fathers show them that you love them. Make our lives worth living for change it into something good It's all here, in our own hands we can create a better place so I hope it will be understood. Take your time and do it right take it as a natural thing The future's in the ones we love and we better start to give. Look at the children see how they smile stop what you're doing listen for a while for living is giving not only taking as we once did This world can be better by caregiving from us for every kid... Lya |
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| ALL FOR YOU Loving you isn't the right thing to do How can I ever change things that I feel If I could maybe I'd give you my world but how can I when you won't take it from me? You can go your own way just go your own way you can call it another lonely day Tell me why everything turned around Packing up is all you want to do. If I could I would give you my world Open up as everything is just waiting for you... Lya |
| DIRECTION Our lives are filled with such indecision going and coming our different ways; don't run away, don't fear the collision let just the sparks take over, fill our days. For you are my step into the right direction yet you're more than a big step forward to me I want to let you know I'm glad you came along don't take it for granted; our love isn't so strong. It may not be love and it may not be perfect it might not even make our dreams come true; but blessed are wishes for I can't embrace them, let me put my arms willingly warm around you. Though we argue once in a while, have heartache I'm coming back, than you're turning away I know it's hard to be open but do it for our sake; don't allow the cold scary world to get in our way. Lya |
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| WISH FOR WISDOM I've know many diferent kinds of people during my days down here on earth I did meet people, sensitive and caring as well as those so cold and cruel I met peope sincere and honest while others acted jealous and full of hate I've been so confused seeing smiles which were filled with lies At the same time I've seen tears, wet with truths Time I shared with those who needed me as I was all by myself when I was in need I've seen and learned from people their thousand promises they never kept them But now I've found myself by learning how to deal with their answers to understand the huge amount of all these diferent personalities But most of all to avoid everyone of those people who cause sadness in my life I know I have a free choice.. Lya |
| THE GIFT OF YOU I did shed a tear today; silently I felt it fall nobody here with me to stay no one around for me to call But suddenly you caught my tear as I didn't expect you to do; your sharing was easing my fear I even had to smile a second too. Cause you were there for me, my feeling being lost was gone and after that moment I could see how I needed what you've done By sharing just that tear of mine, after you caught it in your hand; things seems less grey, more fine you're the one that can understand. So when I shed a tear today and silently I felt it fall; the second you caught it held it on and felt it; then suddenly it was not that big after all... Lya |
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| DECISION To let go is not meaning I don't care anymore it's maybe the hardest thing right now to do I try to not be selfish as I close my heart's door it's a choice I had to make out of love for you. When honestly I tell you that you're free to go most of all means I'm feeling powerless I realize I can't give more than my love I show; I'll miss your presence way too much I guess. By leaving you I don't try to change or blame you for the only one I can remodel is just me for a very long time my world will be empty too your caring and love in my heart will always be. I know to let go isn't easy; it will hurt very much I seek each day as it comes and goes without you Maybe after all you're coming willingly back to us Then I'm sure it was for now the best I could do. Lya |
| I KNOW FOR SURE Alone in the pouring rain I stand watching the distant lights The thunder is okay, comforts me although I feel alone tonight. I feel the raindrops taunting me they, in a way, tell me to go I whisper "please don't leave me" as thunder softly rolls. The night air seems to tell me something gently in my ear It says the simple message of "remember why you're here" And yes, of course I never forgot you, the reason I was waiting for The only one that never scared me and understood my dreams for more. I'm not ungrateful for what I got and I really don't mind the rain but where am I supposed to go if my waiting will be in vain? I know I shouldn't bother you as many times I tried to hold on to whatever life would bring to me no matter what people had done I'm shivering from the cold rain while thunder still does roll but one thing I now know so well I might stumble once more maybe but surely never again I'll fall... Lya |
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| LIKE BIRDS Here I am, I'm back again after all these years.. All delusions we have had they caused all our fears.. Some names that are unspoken of mind-victims we have burned.. at times I gave so much of me I just took a little in return.. Other fires are fading now.. memories just melt away We're on a higher plain by now no more games for us to play.. You stand so close beside me throughout the winds of change. I run to your reliable tranquility and in your arms I bathe.. We will now be for moments like birds as we know that the higher they fly the further they're able to see Do you believe in who I am as in my image you see the real me.. Birds always find their way even on a lonely winter's day you may not always hear me sing but on the first day of spring I will return to you again.. Distant lands call me now and I must fly away please don't ask me where or how..as I maybe back some day... Lya |
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| music: Tears in Heaven |
| painting by Lya, 2002 |
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| Zonder jou wat verloren... Zonder jou zo verward... Zonder jou wat wanhopig... Zonder jou, zonder hart... Zonder jou wat ontroostbaar... Zonder jou zo alleen... Zonder jou wat gebroken... Zonder jou om ons heen... Lya June 24, 2002 |