Tears of Pain
Chapter One
He sat there staring down at his hands. He hated himself at that moment. Why? Why couldn't he just feel happy? What happend along the way to make him feel so unhappy. What was he to do? Stay unhappy, to make every one else happy, or get out. Tears threatened to fall. He looked up to the sky and whispered ,"Please, please just take away the pain, please?" Tears fell endlessly.
J.C. got up, 'Another day,in the life of NSYNC' he sighed. Yet again he didn't want to get up. He didn't want to do another interview, another show. He was worn out. He felt like the happiness was sucked out of him. He felt so alone, he knew no one would understand. Understand the emptyness he felt. He felt numb. He didn't know how he did show after show every night. How he made it though. He didn't know what to do. Part of him wanted out, but what would happen. What would they think, Joey, Justin, Chris, and Lance. He knew they would hate him. But he felt so trapped in this world. He needed out. He needed it now,or he felt he would break down, soon.
"What do you look for in a girl J.C., are you dating anyone special,what's your fav. song, ect." J.C. heard them all. Question after question, answer after answer. He wanted just then to jump up and run out of the room. He didn't know where, he would just run, run out of the pain. He knew he couldn't. He had to stay. 'It's almost over,it's okay' J.C. told himself. He saw the glaces that the other guys gave him. They knew something was up. They just didn't know what. J.C. wasn't himself lately. " Alright, thank you guys for the interview," J.C. heard the man say. Before any one knew it, J.C. was out the door. He stepped out of the building, taking in the fresh air. He needed to lay down. Dizzyness was coming quick. He sat on a bench, putting his head in his hands. This was getting worse. It was making him sick. He never thought it would get this bad. He thought if he waited some time, everything would be okay. He would be happy again. But it didn't work.
J.C. felt a hand on his shoulder. He didn't have the engergy to look up. "What?" he said,anger in his voice. "J.C., are you okay?" It was Justin,his bestfriend. "Justin, I need to be alone, okay?" J.C. said trying to be as nice as he could. He felt the young man take a seat next to him.' He won't understand you J.C., nobody will,' J.C. said to himself. "J.C.?" Justin said confused,but most of all scared. He was scared for his bestfriend. "I thought I was your bestfriend," Justin said, with tears in his eyes. "You are," J.C. whispered. "Then why are you pulling away from me? I thought bestfriends tell eachother everything J.C. Is there something so wrong with me that you wouldn't trust me. Did I do something wrong?" Justin said in a pleading voice. J.C. didn't know what to say, tears were welling up in his eyes. "You wouldn't understand, Just," J.C. said as tears fell. He didn't dare look up at that face infront of him, he knew one look at him would make him break down totally. Justin sighed as tears streamed down his face, feeling like he just lost his bestfriend. "I did something, what, what J.C.? What did I do to make you think I wouldn't understand?" Now Justin knelt on the ground infront of J.C. and took his bestfriends hands in his. "Nothing, nothing J, you did nothing," J.C. said. "I did -I did something, I must have. I thought we told eachother everything. J.C. what's wrong with you,please tell me" Justin said as he brought J.C.'s head up to look him in the eyes. "Please Josh," Justin pleaded. J.C. looked into the blue eyes set infront of him. "I'm unhappy,I'm so unhappy" J.C. said in a whisper.
Justin looked in the eyes of this man infront of him, whose eyes were full of pain,and emptiness. J.C. closed his eyes trying to block the pain he felt inside. 'Why did you tell him J.C., he won't understand my pain. You're so stupid J.C.' J.C. said to him self. No words spoken. J.C. looked up after some time, yet to meet the blue eyes set infront of him. Justin grabbed J.C. as soon as his eyes met the older mans, into a tight hug. They both gripped tighter afaird to let go. "Why Josh? Why are you so unhappy," Justin whispered in J.C.'s ear. His voice shakey as he spoke," I don't know, please Just, please help me, I can't go on anymore,please help me." J.C. begged the younger man. "Oh Josh" Justin said. He didn't know what to do to help his bestfriend. He felt helpless as the older man clung to him, tears taking over him. "Josh?" Justin asked after moments of silents filled the room. "Yeah?" J.C. said looking at Justin. " Maybe if we talk to the guys they can.." Justin was interrupted by J.C. shaking his head furiously."No J, you can't tell them, look me in the eye and promise me you won't tell them, please Justin." J.C. pleaded with the younger man. Justin didn't understand why J.C. wouldn't tell them. "Josh," Justin soothed the man," It's okay to tell them, they'll understand, just like I did," Justin said. "No, no you don't understand, I knew you wouldn't understand, you pretend to understand, but you don't, nobody will." J.C. screamed out. He felt all the pain,and stress lesson as he screamed out into the world. "Josh," Justin started to say. " No, you know what, don't, don't try to help me," J.C. said. Justin stood up to touch J.C.'s shoulder. "No I don't need you, or any one," J.C. screamed again as he left the younger man looking helpless. Justin didn't dare run after him,knowing it would do no good. Justin dragged himself into the studio.