Nothing Without You
Ch.18
Kevin looked at the hospital room door, tears stung his eyes. His hand reached for the door knob. His hand tightly gripped the cold metal, feeling his hand turning. He pushed open the door slowly. His eyes were shut tight, dreading to go into the hospital room. He took a step inside, finally opening his eyes. His eyes roamed the room, finally his gaze fell upon the young man. He caught his breath, at the sight of him. He stepped closer, feeling his body shake as he got closer. Tears fell as he traced over the young man's bandaged arms. "I'm so sorry," Kevin whispered lightly. His hand pulled away, reaching over, running his hand over the young man's hair. He bit his lip, seeing the man's bright blond hair, turned into stained brown, with dried blood. He smoothed his hair back. He stepped back, sitting down, next to the bed. He shut his eyes, taking a deep breath, trying to control his tears. His one hand kept smoothing back the other man's hair, while the other hand held one of the man's fingers tightly in his. "Kevin?" He heard a small whisper come from the hospital bed. Kevin's head shot up, his eyes widened at the sight of the young man awake. "N..Nick," Kevin stuttered. Silence filled the room, as both of the men's gaze feel upon the bandaged arms. Tears stung in Nick's eyes. "Kevin, I'm s..so sorry," Nick whispered. "I just couldn't handle it anymore, I..I let everyone down...I'm sorry" Nick's head hung low, tears falling from his eyes. Kevin shut his eyes, letting the tears fall. Nick's head flung back on the pillow, his eyes shut tight. "You know somethin?" Nick whispered. Kevin opened his eyes, looking at the young man. Nick kept his eyes shut, feeling Kevin's eyes on him. "I wish I just...died out there. I deserved to die...no one wants me here anyway," Nick said, with no emotion in his voice.
One tear fell down Kevin's cheek, as he heard the young man's voice. Kevin gripped Nick's fingers tightly, shaking his head frantically. "No..no don't say that," Kevin's voice whispered in the room. Nick opened his eyes, his eyes full of question, "Why not Kevin? It's true." Kevin shook his head frantically once again. "No..god no Nick, it's not true..how could you think that? We all love you," Kevin said, tears falling from his bright green eyes. Nick turned his head away from Kevin, biting his trembling lip. "I...I," Nick stuttered. "A..after what I said, how can u still love me?" Nick's tiny voice asked. Kevin sighed, stood, and walked over to the other side of Nicks bed. Kevin grabbed Nicks face in his hand, looking Nick in the eyes. "We love you Nick. You made a mistake, that's all. Just...next time, if your upset, try and talk it out with us..instead..o..of leaving, ok?" Kevin's voice asked. Nick shook his head, "Like we could talk Kevin! No one said a damn thing the whole time. And if we even said anything, we would get in a fight," Nick said, his voice growing louder. Kevin sat back, and sighed. "Ok, I'm sorry for that, I guess just the whole thing with Brian shocked us. I'm sorry." Kevin said wiping the tears from his eyes. Kevin's hand laid across Nick's bandage arms on accident. Nick gasped, as the pain from pressure grew. Kevin jumped back, pulling his hand away. "I..I'm so..s..sorry..I..I didn't.." Kevin shuttered. Nick looked at Kevin. "I..it's ok, I'm fine" Nick said, trying to hide the pain from his cut wrists. Kevin shook his head, tears welled up in his eyes. "No..your not," He stated in a whisper. Nick's eyes looked questionably, "What?" Kevin looked at Nick, seeing this man in front of him...the man he called his brother, the man that had been hiding pain for so long, yet told no one. "Your n..not fine Nicky..look at what you did to yourself" Kevin shaking voice answered. Nick hung his head low in shame. "I..I'm sorry," His hoarse voice said. Kevin grabbed Nick's face in his hands once again, looking deep into Nick's eyes. "Promise me," Kevin demanded. Nick looked questionably at Kevin. "Promise me, no matter what, you will never, never ever cut yourself, or try and harm yourself ever again. Please Nick, promise me. You can't ever do that again. Please, just promise me you will never do anything like that again," Kevin pleaded with the young man. Nick's blue eyes, filled with tears once again. His eyes shifted down, letting the tears fall. Kevin lifted Nicks chin once again, "Please Nick, if it's the last thing I ever ask of you, please just promise me that you'll never hurt yourself ever again," Kevin pleaded again, tears sliding down his cheeks. Nick looked at Kevin, "B..but I don't deserve to live." Nick looked down with shame. Kevin shook his head, "Stop, of course you deserved to live. We need you Nick. I can't loose you, and neither can anyone else. Please, we need you so much, please just promise me, please." Kevin laid his head on Nick's stomach and cried. Nick looked at the older man, breaking down in front of him. "I...I promise" Nick whispered lightly. Kevin gripped him tighter, "Thank you...thank you" He mumbled over and over. The two men clung on to each other weeping in their arms.
chapter 19