The
Poopie List
GHOST POOPIE:
You feel it come out, but there's no poopie in the toilet
CLEAN POOPIE:
The poopie comes out and you see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper! Also see UPPER-CLASS POOPIE.
WET POOPIE:
Even after wiping your butt 50 times, it still feels unwiped. You end up putting some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear, so you don't get a nasty poopie stain.
SECOND WAVE POOPIE:
Happens when you stand up after poopie-ing and start to pull your pants up. You suddenly realize that you have to poopie some more.
The "POP A VEIN IN YOUR FOREHEAD" POOPIE:
A poopie that causes you to strain so much, you practically have a stroke.
LINCOLN LOG POOPIE:
The poopie is so big, you're afraid to flush without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.
GASSY POOPIE:
So noisy, everyone within earshot starts giggling.
DRINKER POOPIE:
Occurs after a long night of drinking. Most noticeable trait is the skidmarks in the toilet bowl.
CORN POOPIE:
Self explanatory.
The "GEE, I WISH I COULD POOPIE" POOPIE:
You'd really like to poopie, but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.
SPINAL TAP POOPIE:
A poopie that hurts so much on the way out, you'd swear it was leaving you sideways!
WET CHEEKS POOPIE:
A poopie that comes out so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with toilet water. Also referred to as a Power Dump.
LIQUID POOPIE:
Characterized by a yellowish-brown liquid that shoots out your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowel. Also see MEXICAN POOPIE.
UPPER-CLASS POOPIE:
Leaves no odor and may also have the characteristics of a CLEAN POOPIE.
SURPRISE POOPIE:
You're not near the toilet and think you are just going to fart ... but oops! ... it's a poopie!!
THE DANGLING POOPIE:
A tough poopie that refuses to drop into the toilet, even though you are done poopie-ing it. You just hope that a shake or two will cut it loose.
The Crowd Pleaser:
This Poopie is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.
The Mood Enhancer:
This Poopie is such a relief that one can enter the restroom a complete grouch and come back out loving everyone.
The Ritual Poopie:
This poopie occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.
The Groaner:
This poop is so large that it cannot exit without vocal accompaniment.
The Floater:
Characterized by it's float ability, this poopie has been known to resurface after many flushings.
The Phantom Poopie:
Also known as the "Phantom of the Cluster Poopie". This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to putting it there.
Premeditated Poopie:
Laxative induced.
The "I'm Going to Chew My Food Better" Poopie:
When the bag of chips you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out.
The "I Just Know There's a Turd Still Dangling There" Poopie:
Where you sit patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off, because you know that if you wipe, you'll smear it all over your butt.
The Whiplash Poopie:
The kind where you push and strain until your eyes are
bloodshot, the poopie just starts to come out when OOPS.....it goes back in.
The "Porridge" Poopie:
The type of poopie that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps coming. You have two choices (A. flush and keep going, or (B. risk it piling up to your
butt while you sit there helpless.
The "I Think I'm Turning into a Bunny" Poopie:
When you drop lots of little round turds that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.
The "What the Hell Died in Here" Poopie:
Also sometimes referred to as the "Toxic Dump". Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odor. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gagging and gasping for air.
The "Fire In the Bowl" Poopie:
The kind of poopie that singes the hair around your butt from the big feed of Mexican food the night before.
The Submarine Poopie:
Poopie that sinks right to the bottom of the toilet.
The "Flag Pole" Poopie:
The poopie that stands straight up when you flush, and you have the erge to salute it.
Back to House of Melody