Hello everybody, it is December. I time to relax, spend time with family and recharge for the spring when we once again are reborn and rise from the ashes like the firery Phoenix.
It is a time to get together and celebrate one of my favorite holidays... FESTIVUS.
In the true spirit of Festivus, each Saturday during the Festivus season, we ride and I air my grievances on how you all dissappointed me this year. Here is my list for 2003.
Mike and Mike - Sure, you both had good seasons and have won the last two most improved rider awards, but why don't you listen to me? I am the greatest race tactician this side of Vincente Belda, yet race after race you ignore my vast wealth of race knowledge. I am dumbfounded. You made me chase you for miles after the Middlebury Gap only to catch on and have Mike M. jack up the pace on a small hill and leave me for dead. Next year, we can use radios and I swear we are using them. I am going to make sure that you guys have fresh batteries in them each week.
Jon B - You ignored the bell. That is like breaking one of the commandmants of the winter group ride. It is used so that we don't kill the guys who had one too many doughnuts over the christmas holidays (and gives me an excuse to ride slow). Get out of that big ring!
Bill - WHAT!??!!? Only 5 wins? If only you listened to me, took my advice and started lifting weights. Ya got no meat on yer bones. Now that I have my house in order, look out pal.
Ken - I want to shave that damn head of yours. Your hair is too nice. No wonder your always happy. I guess I would too if I had any hair left, but all the stress you guys give me has made me look like an AIDS patient.
Chris - You constantly blow us off. When are we ever going to see you again? I need company on the Saturday rides to listen to my gripes.
Rod and Jim - STOP KILLING ME ON SATURDAYS and then pulling the DNFs on Sundays! You two are almost there. You guys ride great on training days. I see potential in you. Listen to me and don't be pulled to the dark side and ignore me all the time like M&M.