Author’s Note- Sigh.  I got a lot of not exactly flames for last chapter, “flames” that criticized the story in general.  I think they are flames, but maybe it would seem like constructive criticism to other people.  I enjoy constructive criticism, I really do.  But when I’m getting criticism for something like Chapter 30…well I can’t change the past.  I read the early chapters and visibly cringe.  I read the last chapter and really dislike myself as a writer because as many of you danced around the subject but implied, the last chapter was crap.  Total crap.  The only reason you all still read it is because you are so faithful to my story.  I really want to thank you all for reading my story (or “crap” as I so fondly think of it) and sticking with me even though I’m so burned out on this story it’s visible in my writing.  I can not WAIT until this is over…I don’t know how many of you have tried to write a long fic before, but I used to love this idea, and, well, I just despise the story now.

Anyway…thanks for letting me vent…and thanks for reading.

 

P.S. If you want to make me happy, read my fic I’ve been working on- “Reflections”!  Thanks! I also just joined MySpace, search for MaryAnn to find me!

 

Chapter 59- Voldemort and Cancer…Who Could Ask for a Better Day?

 

James approached Lily nervously, as she was sitting and crying on the fountain.  “Lily?” he called out, just to let her know that he was there.

She looked up through her tears, and was extremely disgruntled to see the one person that she had no desire, even remote, to speak with at the moment.  “What?” she managed to choke out.

“I just wanted to check on you,” James said cautiously. “When you ran out like that, I didn’t know what to think.”

“Well, you don’t think a whole lot, do you, James?” Lily asked sarcastically.  “You didn’t think when you cheated on me with Madison…you didn’t think to run after me when we broke up, and you sure as hell didn’t think to apologize for being such a bloody ass!”

James looked rather taken aback, mainly because most of it was true.  “I’m sorry, Lily.  It was a stupid mistake.  I never meant to be the cause of so much pain…I wasn’t thinking.  I just didn’t see you as much anymore as I saw the lawyers, and every time I did see you, you were in a bad mood because I didn’t manage my time very well.  I mean, I know that’s not a very good excuse, but it’s the truth of it, Lily.”

She looked up slightly, still obviously irritated, but at least listening.

James noticed this change, and jumped at the chance (well, not literally.).  “Lily, I love you…I didn’t love Madison, I don’t love anyone else.  I screwed up, I know that.  It’s my entire fault, and I’m sorry I did the things that I did.  More than anything, I’m sorry that you had to go through all that crap that I saw just now, and all because of my dumb mistakes.”

Lily looked at the ground thoughtfully.  “I overheard you saying you were back on the market at the beginning of class today…It made me feel really insignificant, James…it was a really asinine thing to say.  I mean, sure, break up with me because Madison is better.  Fine.  But don’t break up with me because you don’t want either of us…that’s just despicable.”

James had a pained expression as they made eye contact, “Oh, you heard that?  Bollocks…well, guys are different than girls, Lily.  We can’t just admit when we’re wrong, you know.  It’s not that simple.  Truth be told, I only love one girl.”

Lily looked up with challenge in her eyes.  “Oh, really?”

James smiled.  “Yep.  You.”

Lily smiled back.  “You’re not going to win me back that easy, James…I mean, you screwed up in a big way.  I have to learn to trust you all over again!”

James looked down.  “I’m so sorry, Lily.  But from now on, I will be perfect in absolutely every way.  I’ll be home on time…everything.  Hell, you can even go to the lawyer meetings and wrap up my father’s estate yourself, and then you won’t have to worry about Madison.  I’ll bring you flowers everyday…but please, just tell me you will try to trust me again.”

 

As the weeks progressed, James was just the ideal guy that he had promised to be.  He brought Lily flowers, was a considerate friend, and was constantly there for her.  Less than a month later, Lily sat contentedly in her bedroom of her and Emia’s apartment and thought to herself.

He has changed so much, her inner voice said. Maybe I’m actually ready to commit to him again.  He’s like a whole new man, a new and improved James, a James that I can depend on for the rest of my life.  We all make mistakes, but the point of life is to learn from those mistakes and integrate them towards a better future.  I think I’m finally ready to do that.

She saw the flames in her fireplace turned green as she daydreamed.  Then she noticed a face in the fireplace.

“Lily,” the cold voice hissed through the jade fire.

“Voldemort.  What do you want?” she asked coolly, heart beating rapidly in her chest.

“My incredible daft and slow staff has just informed me of a magical occurrence happening in the apartment that you shared with Mr. Potter.”

“I haven’t shared an apartment with him for over a month. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Besides, we’re adults, magic is legal.”

“I’m aware of that fact, but the occurrence I am speaking of happened roughly a month ago.  Right before you must have left, I am assuming.”

“What kind of occurrence?”  Lily asked curiously, quirking an eyebrow, and meeting Voldemort’s crimson eyes.

“An item self-destructing, if my information is correct. A magical incidence that you or James could not have created, a bit of mail that came with a bit of a boom, I suppose.”

Lily’s eyes flashed darkly and she did her best to retain her calm.  “I’m afraid I don’t know what you are talking about.  Besides, Howlers self-destruct.”

“This was no Howler.  This mail carried powerful properties- hope, love, and the desire to see the people it was trying to reach.  This letter was from Avia. You were in contact with her without my knowledge.”

Lily drew herself up in her chair. “I can honestly say that I have not seen her since I left the castle,” pausing slightly, she thought to herself, Remus has, though. “I would not betray your trust in such a way.  However, you betray my trust everyday by not revealing to me the other spy you have in my midst.”

 

As the face left the flames and the fireplace returned to its peaceful menagerie of crimson, orange and yellow, Lily felt her tensed muscles begin to relax. That was so close.  He knows to find me here. He knows that we have had contact with Avia! What doesn’t he know, anyway? I don’t know what to do. If I defy him, he will kill me on the spot. But if I continue to keep his trust, I have insider information to the Dark Side.  It’s a tricky situation, but ironically I believe I will live longer by spying.

Just then, she heard a knock on the door.  “Lily?”

“Come in!” Lily said excitedly as she recognized James’ voice. This was it.  She was finally going to tell him she was ready to commit.

All thoughts of her happy news fell astray as she saw his ashen face. “Lily, I just got a note from your parents.  They tried to reach you, but they didn’t have the address of the new apartment and apparently the owl got lost.  Your father is ill.”

All the terror of the past few minutes felt like nothing as her eyes bulged and clouded over with fear, her hands began to shake, and she tried to voice the frantic words that were darting through her head at a million miles a second.

 

The clock ticked, the nurses pounded by, their orthopedic shoes scuffing on the cheap linoleum.  The fluorescent bulbs shined brightly, almost cheerily, insulting the unhappy guests of the waiting room with their bright happy insistence.  Outdated magazines strewn on the side tables, and children’s toys scattered all over the floor completed the circus of gloom that was the waiting room in the London Muggle hospital her father had been taken to.  The doctors had just discovered it recently, but it was already in late stages.  The doctors sighed as they came out of the room her father was inside, only to tell the family that “he hasn’t got longer than two weeks” and “family would be restricted from visiting temporarily, he was incredibly weak”.  Each dull remark dragged Lily’s spirit down just a little more.  What would she do without her father, her protector, the person who always ensured that she was taken care of?  The sensible parent.  Petunia sat across from Lily and James and next to Lily’s mother.  Apparently Vernon was working late tonight, and the in-laws would pass on eventually.  James looked over at the nervous Lily, who was glancing at her palms every few moments and fidgeting.  He knew she was scared.  He could sense it, but he didn’t have to- anyone would be frightened to death in Lily’s position.  Knowing her father was in a critical stage with a deadly disease…knowing that she had two weeks to fit in everything she ever wanted to say. Lily had a time limit on her love, and that is one of the most difficult things in the world to deal with.  The mind can’t get around it.  Is it good that you have those two weeks to share all the “I love you’s” and reminisce about all the good memories…knowing that you have to keep a smiling face in the face of death?

Lily looked down at the floor nervously. “I know that this is a bad time, but James, can I talk to you outside a moment?”

James nodded quickly and looked at Lily’s mother.  “We’re just going to pop out for a quick walk…clear our heads.”

 

Once outside, Lily turned to James.  “James, tonight has showed, as has the past month, just how much you have changed.  You have always been a really considerate guy, but you have been at your absolute best lately, and I wanted to tell you that I appreciate it.”

James smiled, and looked expectantly.  When Lily didn’t say anything else, he prompted, “And?”

“And what? That was all I wanted to say.” Lily said with a smile, knowing exactly what he wanted her to say.

“Oh.  Well, thanks, then.  We better get you inside, you’ll catch a cold,” he said softly, putting his arm around her and turning to walk back inside.

Lily pulled away slightly and put her hand on his forearm. “James…I want to be with you again.”

James smiled widely, and tilted her face up to his, crushing her lips in a rejoicing and passionate kiss.

After they kissed, he put his arms around her, murmuring into her hair, “I missed you, Lil.  So much.”

“I missed you too,” she said with a sniffle.

He pulled away quickly. “Are you crying, honey?”

Lily sniffled again. “A little.  I’m just really happy.”

 

Two days later, Lily moved back into James’ apartment, and it seemed as if the whole Madison thing had never happened.  The wedding plans continued, they were unbelievably happy together, and the only downer to their day was their daily visit to Hayden.  Both Lily and James would be completely devastated to see him go, he was just as much a father to James as he was to Lily.

The doorbell rang as Lily worked on putting her clothes back into her dresser and unpacking.

“Coming!” she called quickly as she walked to the front door.  Inching up to look through the peephole, she saw Peter. That’s odd, haven’t seen him in awhile.

Opening the door, she smiled widely.  “Peter!” she exclaimed happily, reaching out to give him a hug.  “How are you doing?”

“Good,” he squeaked softly.  “How are you doing, Lily? I haven’t seen you in ages!”

“Things are better,” she said smiling, catching on that what he was really asking was, Is everything okay between you and James again?

“Oh, wonderful,” he replied, smiling. 

“Well what brings you by, Peter?” Lily asked curiously.

“Well, actually…what brings me by is a little more sad, really.  I heard about your father from Sirius and Remus…I just wanted to come by and say that…”

Lily’s head drooped slightly.  She was hoping that this wouldn’t come up.

Peter paused, noticing her change, and continued with trepidation. “…that I will be there if you or James need any help with anything at all, and I hope you know you can look to me for anything you might need.”

Lily smiled softly. Funny, I don’t remember James telling me anything about telling Remus or Sirius…oh well, he must have forgotten to tell me he spoke to them. “Thank you so much, Peter, really.  That’s very considerate of you.  Would you like a cup of tea? I was just about to put the kettle on.”

Peter smiled gratefully.  “Thank you, Lily. That would be very kind.  How is James doing anyway? I haven’t seen that chap in a couple of weeks at least…”

Lily laughed. “He’s fine.  He should be on his way home from class right now, we can all sit down and have dinner together.”