B/A/N- I like my B/A/N’s and I really like the Simple Plan song “Welcome to My Life”, as well, so they have both been included.  Sorry if you have a problem with that.  I left it at a bit of a cliffie, I guess, but I didn’t want to include the rest in this chapter.  Thanks for reading and please review!

 

Chapter 58- Welcome to My Life

           

James stood, stunned, in the doorway, as a note on the table disintegrated in the air, but was even more stunned when he noticed in inordinate amounts of luggage in the hallway.

“Going on holiday with Emie, Lil?” he asked cautiously.

She turned from her position minding the kettle to look him full on in the face.  It was now that he took her full appearance in. Her normally bright green eyes had turned a dark forest, and were puffy from crying.  Her normally shiny hair did not look like it had been tended to in at least a day, and was up in a messy topknot.  Her clothes were carelessly chosen…all in all, she wasn’t looking her best.

“What’s wrong, honey?” James asked in a soft voice.

“What’s wrong?” she mimicked, trying very hard not to lose all control and just smack him upside the head.  “I KNOW, James.  I KNOW.  That’s what’s wrong.  What do you think you’re doing?  Off with some skinny whore while I do our wedding plans!  I know you’ve had a difficult time, what with your family, but I thought we were through that! And here we are about two years later…STILL with the lawyers! Do you want to know why?  Do you, James?!” she asked furiously, throwing her tissue box across the room.

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don’t belong
And no one understands you
James, whose first expression was one of guilt and shock at her knowledge of Madison, had turned to fear as he began to regard her as what she was at the moment- a woman who had just found out her love was having an affair…so, slightly mad.

“Um…yes?” James asked cautiously.

“IT WAS RHETORICAL!! The reason you’re spending all that time with the lawyers is because you’re cheating on me with one of them! Don’t think I don’t know…I’ve seen the way she looks at you, and I tried to disregard it,” at this, she faltered and fell to the ground, crying.  Between sobs, she managed out, “B-But…then…I saw…I-I s-saw…you…y-you…looking back.” 

Emia tossed a look at James that could have killed him on the spot, if looks could kill, of course, and went to pick up Lily.  Emia got Lily off the ground and picked up her luggage.  “It’s time to go, honey,” Emia cooed.

Emia stopped to face James as she walked out.  “I hope you realize how despicably you’ve acted.  You two have been together since fourth year and you just decide the absolute best thing that happened to you just wasn’t good enough.  I hope you realize that you’ve pretty much just lost all chances of being truly happy.”

James’ hazel eyes seemed to cloud and it became obvious that he was trying not to show emotion. 

The door slammed behind the girls, and James heard a creak behind him as Remus arose from the table.

“Prongs,” he said softly.  “I’ve never taken sides between you two before, but…Avia is my wife, and Emia is my sister.  Lily is basically my sister too.  You’re fighting a losing battle here, Prongs.  You’re wrong.”

 

Avia sat, nervously tapping her finger on the table.   She checked the dusty, dirty mirror across the way to see if she was recognizable.  Not in the slightest, she smiled with satisfaction.  While at the inn she had stayed, she had found a few hairs in the room; normally those would make her feel as if the place had not been cleaned properly, but this time, she was grateful.

She was looking back at a red-headed, freckled woman who was about twice her normal size.  It was quite the challenge trying to find clothes, indeed.  In the end, a friendly person across the way offered to let Avia borrow something.

She sipped her old butterbeer, and nervously wondered what time it must be.  I wonder if he got lost, she wondered idly.

Suddenly, she heard the little bell tinkle above the doorway. 

Remus walked in looking through the doorway, looking a lot better than she did.

She waved him over, and he followed, looking nervously at her.

“So…bit of hair dye…and…wow.  You don’t look like yourself,” he said nervously.

Avia looked down at her huge body and laughed.  “Oh, this is Polyjuice, honey.  Don’t be silly.”

Remus let out an audible sigh of relief, ordered a butterbeer, and sat down.

“So how have you been?” Avia asked, smiling.

 

Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
No you don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels alright
You don’t know what it’s like to be like me
Emia knocked insistently on Lily’s door for what felt like the millionth time.  “Lily, it’s Monday.  It’s eight in the morning, and your Auror lessons start in an hour.  You need to leave this room!”

A sarcastic remark that Emia couldn’t quite make out through the door was all she received in reply.

Emia sighed, and tried the knob.  Locked. She sunk down to the floor until her face was even with the doorknob.  Looking through the keyhole, she could make out an extremely dark room, with all the windows covered, and a mass of red hair and frail little body laying face-down on the bed.

Emia just shook her head.  It had been almost a week since Lily and Emia had left the shared apartment and moved out on their own.  Lily had done this same routine every single day.  She laid in bed until the whole morning was gone, came out for short amounts of time just to go to the bathroom and get a minimal amount of food to stay alive…then it was back into the room to get a few more hours of crying in before the day was over.  It was becoming truly pathetic. 

Emia had been feeding Professor Moody lies about how Lily had contracted the Muggle disease mononucleosis, and was highly contagious at this stage.  He bought it until about a day ago, when he had rung Lily at home to check on her health.  She had answered the phone with voice sounding totally normal, albeit less cheery than usual.  When Moody actually talked to Lily, he found out that she was “having troubles in my love life.  That’s all.”  Moody asked that she return to class on Monday, as they were already beginning courses on Occlumency and Legilimency.  Lily had grudgingly agreed, but now that it was actually Monday, she did not want to get out of bed.

“Lily, please!” Emia begged.  “Moody even specifically asked you to come! You don’t want to miss these classes, come on, Lily…this isn’t like you!”

Sighing, Lily got up from the bed and opened the door.

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like

Welcome to my life
“Wow…” Emia said softly.  “You look like hell.”

It wasn’t meant as an insult, it was simply true.  Lily’s eyes were constantly puffy from crying, she had under eye circles from not getting enough sleep, her skin looked pale and unattended, and her hair…well, her hair was far from its usual orderly state.

“I know,” Lily said softly.  “I’m going to go take a shower, okay?  Can you pick out some clothes for me while I’m gone?”

 

That morning, Lily had felt more like herself in ages.  She actually got out of bed and made an effort, and the small fact that she was making progress seemed to raise her spirits slightly.

But upon arriving at the Ministry, all of her previous happiness was squashed.  She saw James, sitting lazily on the rim of the fountain in front of the Ministry, talking animatedly to Sirius and Peter.  Peter and Sirius seemed to be listening attentively as James told a story, and did not notice Lily’s presence in the slightest.

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?
“So, we broke it off,” James said, seemingly finishing his story as Lily got close enough to overhear.

“But what about Madison?” Peter squeaked. “Did you really break things off with Lily to be single?”

“Well, yes,” James said with a pompous laugh.  “Prongs is back on the market, boys!”

Lily’s mouth gaped.  Did he REALLY just say that they had “broken it off” and not only that, but after all that trouble, he was just going to be single anyway?! He had to be kidding.

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you’re bleeding

 

“Okay,” Professor Moody began gruffly, “today I’m going to be pairing all of you up while we practice Occlumency and Legilimency.  I have paired you according to who in this room each of you knows the best, so in the case of mind penetration, that person will not have too much to find out.”

Lily’s heart sank.  That would probably mean she would be stuck with…

“Potter, Evans, over here,” Professor Moody commanded, pointing to a spot across the room.

Oh, joy, Lily thought sarcastically. How could Moody do this to me? He knows we just broke up! But then, I guess it’s better to have James probing my thoughts…he’ll get to see what a jerk I think he is firsthand. 

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I’m happy
But I’m not gonna be okay!
Lily was shaken out of her thoughts by James’ voice.  “So do you want to go first?” he was asking softly.

“You probably should. I’ve missed a few classes.”

“Okay,” James said with a look on his face that seemed extremely guilty.  “Get ready, then…one, two, three…”

“Legilimens!” James commanded, as did the other twenty pairs in the room.

Lily knew she was not ready for the spell and her knees buckled as she sensed her mind being infiltrated.  Memory upon memory of the past few weeks flashed through her head…Her sitting up in bed with her diary, watching James sleep, doodling “Mrs. Lily Potter” and looking at her ring…sensing James’ withdrawal from her during classes…long lawyer meetings watching James and Madison make eye contact as no attention at all was given to her…James coming home to see her luggage packed…her bedroom in the new apartment, where she spent most of the time crying…re-reading her old diary entries and crying some more...crying, crying, crying.

James had not been prepared to personally witness the amount of torture and misery he had put Lily through.  He opened his mouth to say something, anything to justify his actions or make her feel any better about the situation, but the words would not come.  Perhaps his actions were wrong?  He didn’t know.

 

B/A/N- Sorry again for the cliffie!  I’m going to update as soon as I can! I just wanted to get this chapter done because it has been half-finished for ages!