B/A/N- Lots of
emotional/ relationship stuff going on in this chapter. I hope you like it… don’t forget to
review. On a side thought…happy
anniversary to me! Tomorrow is the ONE YEAR anniversary of my writing this
story (as all of my ff.net readers can tell)! I’m so excited! Woohoo!!
Chapter 53- Dimming
of the Day
RECAP-
Emia stopped mid-sentence and stood speechless, staring at the pair
inside Lily’s room. James turned to Emia,
and looked from Emia to Lily, and shook his head.
“Lily, there are only two potions with that odor and color in the
world. Both contain a Grindelwald squid,
and one is illegal…the one I think you are making. Start explaining.”
Lily and Emia looked in panic at each other. They were caught, like mice. What could they say?
*~*
Lily stuttered as she tried to string together a sentence to explain
her addictive habit of the past month to the level-headed James. How
does he know so bloody much about potion-making anyway? Lily asked herself
irritably. Anyway…maybe I should tell him the truth…maybe if he thinks he is
somehow to blame, he won’t get me and Emia expelled.
“W-well…J-James…um… Emia and I were in a bit of sore spot last month,
as you may know. Sirius had just been
unforgivably rude to her in that letter, and you and I were at odds again after
being friendly over the summer…a friendship that I was somewhat beginning to
depend upon becoming more,” Lily rushed out quickly.
James scowled when she talked about Sirius’ letter, obviously he did
not believe that quite yet. However, his
eyes widened as she got to the end of her pronouncement. She wanted to be something more with me? Why didn’t she ever say so? I would have started a relationship again
with her in a split second!
Lily softly continued, “So we were both miserable, and Emia had endless
restless nightmares and…there was just so much depression and screaming,
James. I was desperately searching for
something to cure her pain, and I stumbled across this potion. The trouble is…I discovered that I had most
of the symptoms as well. It wasn’t
really about me when I found this potion, but the symptoms…nightmares, loss of
appetite, unhappiness. I had all
that. And I thought that maybe…maybe if
we took it together, the pain would stop.”
James stood speechless, rooted to the floor. Thoughts raced through his mind as the terse
silence between Lily, Emia and James continued.
What should I do? I feel somehow responsible for the fact that
Lily ended up miserable…even though she did break it off with me in the first
place. But I still feel guilty…I can’t
turn them in. It’s my job, but I can’t
bring myself to do that to them. Lily is
everything to me…and Emia is everything to her.
I can’t do it.
James sighed. “Lily, I don’t
want to turn you in. I know that you and
Emia are doing something illegal here, but I feel responsible you were forced
to drink the potion in the first place. Lily, I really care about you…and I
hope you…and Emia, as well…can rise above this.
Both of you are wonderful, but it is a half life to depend upon
something to feel happy.”
With the comment lingering in the air, James turned on his heel, and
walked into his own bedroom to think.
This
old house is falling down around my ears
I'm drowning in a river of my tears
When all my will is gone you hold me sway
I need you at the dimming of the day
*~*
Two hours later, Lily sat alone in her room looking out the window, the
potion mess cleaned up with a well placed Scourgify
spell. Is this potion really worth the
cost? I feel like I’m pulling away from
all my friends except Emia, retreating into a hollow shell where nothing means
anything to me. Nothing has significance
but being happy from day to day…
Exasperated, she knocked several official file folders to the ground. Hah! Head Girl! Who am I kidding? James has been doing most of the work! I just
sit there and record what he says; I don’t care what happens…some great leader
I am!
A tawny owl flew to the window where Lily was sitting, and began
pecking at the glass. “Hold on, hold
on,” Lily murmured, fumbling with the window lock to let the owl in. Relieving the bird of its burden, the owl
retreated quickly out of the room. Lily
had only known of one other owl in her life that had left that quickly- the owl
that delivered the news of Emia and Avia’s departure from Hogwarts. Cautiously breaking the very official-looking
seal, she gently unrolled the thick parchment.
Dear Miss Evans,
It
has come to our attention that you have been brewing a form of the
Mood-Altering Potion (or “Heartbreak” Potion).
This is not only illegal for use of the endangered and almost extinct
Grindelwald squid, but also for the change of your state of mind, which is not
the intent of modern magic. Potions
should be used for their healing properties and practical uses, but use of
anything that would interfere with relationships between people is not what magic
should be used for. Normally, this sort
of behavior would result in expulsion, but you are the Head Girl, and Professor
Albus Dumbledore has assured the Ministry of your capabilities as a young witch
and normally highly responsible nature.
Please take this letter as a warning, one more improper use of magic and
you will no longer be allowed to attend
Sincerely,
Mafalda Hopkirk
Improper Use of Magic Office
Ministry of Magic
*~*
“You got a warning from the Ministry?!” Emia asked Lily incredulously
as Lily summarized the story in whispers during Potions class that Tuesday.
“Yes, keep your voice down,” Lily warned. “Someone must have told.”
“But who?” Emia asked-her bright blue eyes as wide as possible. “You don’t think…James?”
“No,” Lily said resolutely.
“When James gives his word, it’s his word. He wouldn’t tell.”
“Who else knew?”
“Snape,” Lily said with a shudder.
“And I guess the guy who runs the Apothecary.”
“Well, I doubt the guy at the Apothecary knows your name,” Emia said as
if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
“Oh. Well, Snape, I suppose,”
Lily said thoughtfully. “But that makes no sense.”
Emia, who had been rather satisfied with the ‘Snape’ explanation,
turned to Lily in surprise. “What
doesn’t make sense about it? He knew, he’s miserable, he hates James…”
“But that’s just it, Emie. Snape
was thrilled that James and I had hit a rough spot, and even if he were just
jealous that James and I were starting to be friends again, why didn’t he rat
you out too?” Lily asked curiously.
Emia just shook her head. “I
don’t know, Lil.”
Lily jumped as she felt a tap on her back. She turned, and found herself facing Severus
Snape.
“May I have a word after class, Lily?” he asked softly.
Lily could hear Emia’s snort of disgust at his request but found
herself nodding anyway. “Of course, S-Severus.”
*~*
An ebony strand floated in front of skin that seemed…not so much
unclean, but unattended. Severus did not
seem to notice, in fact, his rather dirty state, but seemed very intent upon
what he had to say. Brow furrowed in
concentration, he led Lily down a remote corridor to a large, dusty window,
complete with scarlet window seat.
“Please, sit down,” Snape muttered as he paced nervously in front of
Lily.
She complied, curious as to what could have awakened such fright in a
normally detached boy.
Seeming to settle on his approach, he stopped pacing and faced
her. “Lily, I…I’m sorry.”
Trying not to jump to conclusions but instead maintain an inexpressive
countenance, Lily replied, “Sorry for what, Severus?”
“I was the one who told the Ministry about your potion,” he blurted out
in one long breath.
Lily didn’t look remotely surprised by the information, because, process
of elimination, Severus was the only one who could have ratted
her out. “But why,
Severus?”
His face turned unusually red.
“Um…I…oh, this is really hard to say, Lily.”
Vaguely wondering what he could be talking about, Lily persisted, “Go
on, Severus…you can tell me.”
Looking up to meet Lily’s bright emerald eyes with his smoky gray,
Severus said softly, “I-I like you, Lily.”
The news barely registering in the recesses of Lily’s head, she nodded
and asked, “What does that have to do with anything?”
“I noticed you were hanging around that…Potter again, and I got
jealous,” Severus paused to see if Lily was still listening. Satisfied that she was, he continued, “I
wanted to get your attention, I suppose.
I don’t even really know why I did it.
I just wanted you to notice me and not that Potter for once. I wanted you to experience the same
heart-wrenching feeling I’ve had for you that you’re not willing to let
yourself feel for Potter.”
Lily just blinked, trying to process the information. Arising gracefully from the dusty window
seat, she said, “I think you’ve said your piece, Severus, and thank you for
telling me the truth about your actions and emotions. I’ll see you around.”
Her footsteps were echoing down the hallway before Severus could
compose a goodbye.
*~*
Lily Evans could be found during dinner that evening not in the Great
Hall, but in her bedroom, staring at the canopy of her bed. What’s going on? Severus is crazy about me, apparently, and
because he likes me, he rats me out to the Ministry…yeah, loads of sense
there. James…isn’t even speaking to
me. Emia is becoming distant from Avie,
because Avie always disapproved of the potion…and Sirius has actually stopped
pulling pranks all the time. Even he
knows something is wrong…
Lily was jogged out of her thoughts by a light knock on her door.
“Lily?” a voice called softly.
“Are you in there?”
Lily made a murmuring sound of assent and the door opened slowly. It was James.
You pull me like the moon pulls on the tide
You know just where I keep my better side
“Can I talk to you, Lily?” he asked, his hazel eyes looking unusually
bright.
Filled with a necessity to comfort him, her immediate response was to
nod, and beckon James toward her.
Once he had sat down, and exhaled slowly, he began. “I still really like you, Lily, and when I
was leaving Potions today, I saw you walking off with a person I never thought
I’d lose your attention to- Snape. And I
felt…jealous, something I haven’t truly felt in a long time. I’m starting to
appreciate what I had back when we were dating, and I’m beginning to wonder if
our separation should still be going on. Lily, we’re great for one another, you know
it, I know it. Our differences are many,
but we overcome them. And that’s what
makes us great…but should we really have been broken up for as long as we
have? I feel responsible for the fact
that we aren’t back together yet, Lil.
It’s been so long since I’ve felt comfortable…really comfortable around
you. Been able to act around you however
my heart wanted to, without my brain telling me I don’t have the authority to
act that way anymore. Um…if you really
don’t want to be with me, I’d understand.
If you’d…*slight chuckle* rather be with Snape, I’d understand. But I don’t want this endless…waiting to go
on any longer.”
What
days have come to keep us far apart
A broken promise or a broken heart
Now all the bonnie birds have wheeled away
I need you at the dimming of the day
At the end of his speech, Lily’s eyes were also unusually bright, and
attempted to clear her throat.
Desperately hoping her voice wouldn’t crack, she said, “I still really
like you too, James. Nothing about my
feelings toward you has changed. I trust
you immensely, and I miss not being able to act the way I wanted to around you
as well. It is really my fault we’re not
together, seeing as I’m the one that said we should break up in the first
place, and then pretended to be happy using stupid potions…all just to prove a
point. And look where it’s gotten
me. Miserable, reprimanded by the
Ministry, with a guy pursuing me that I don’t even really like as a friend, and
a guy within my grasp that I care for immensely that my pride refuses to let me
reach. James, I’m sorry. I’ve been an idiot. The potion wasn’t working for me anyway…”
Lily trailed off.
James’ brow furrowed and he lightly touched her arm. “Lily, what was the end of that sentence?”
“Oh…it’s nothing,” she said softly, trailing off again.
His curiosity incensed, he persisted, “Please, Lil, what is it?”
Wordlessly, she reached in the pocket of her robes and removed a
tattered piece of very old parchment with traces of dried purple liquid
splattered randomly across it. It looked
as if it had been opened many times, and James opened it one last time.
However,
this 48-hour relief from heartbreak does not come without cost for some. There have been very few documented cases in
which the taker of this potion sinks further into a depression and often has
stomach problems as well. This is caused
from the body rejecting the potion as a substitute for their lover. These people that reject the potion are those
that are destined to be with the person they are trying to overcome. It is a sign that no matter how far you run
from your problems, there is no other person in the world for you.
His stomach clenching, and his breath seemingly very far from his body,
he closed the parchment, and tossed it to the side.
“I suppose it’s nothing new, though, is it?” James asked, trying to
play it off. “We knew we would be
together and have a baby named Harry…and die.”
Lily looked at her lap solemnly.
“Were you trying to escape that end by continuing our separation?”
James looked up at her. “I think
I might have been, yes.”
She nodded. “Thank you for your
honesty. I was probably doing the same
thing. But it doesn’t matter anymore,
does it?”
James shook his head with a soft smile gracing his features. “No, it doesn’t, Lils.”
Lily looked at him with contempt and distaste for the nickname, and
laughed. “So, we’re back together, are
we?”
James smiled back with his broad, goofy grin. “Yes, yes, we are.”
He closed the distance between them, and embraced her in a warm,
comforting hug.
Come
the night you're only what I want
Come the night you could be my confidant
*~*
Emia had not had Heartbreak Potion in almost two weeks and she could
not stop crying. Since she had not
actually had to deal with her feelings toward Sirius, they were now hitting her
full force, something she was not prepared to deal with. Glimpses of her would be seen as she ran
sobbing into her bedroom or out of
Finally, he decided to confront her about it.
“Emia!” he called after the 7th Year Gryffindors were let
out of Transfiguration that Friday. “Emia,
wait!”
The petite blonde sighed and stopped, but did not turn around. “What do you want?” she asked meekly.
“I want to know what’s wrong,” Sirius demanded, his long ebony hair
dancing in the drafty winds of the castle.
“Nothing’s wrong,” Emia said sweetly, waving him away.
“Don’t lie to me, Emie…it’s obvious.
Come on, here’s an empty classroom, let’s go in here and you can tell me
what’s going on,” Sirius said, gently taking her hand and guiding her into the
empty room. Softly closing the door, he
sat down opposite Emia, “Now tell me what’s going on,” he said softly.
I
see you on the street in company
Why don't you come and ease your mind with me
“I’m just…unhappy, Siri,” she said quietly.
“What are you unhappy about?”
“You. We were so happy before, and then I left for school, and I was so
happy to be coming home and to be able to see you again, and I write over
summer only to find that you have a girlfriend and you don’t need me anymore…and
now that we’re back at school, and you always look so together, and I’m so
screwed up, it just proves to me what a mess I am!”
Sirius’ eyes widened, “What do you mean, I didn’t need you anymore?
Emia, I’ve always needed you. I didn’t
need you as a girlfriend at the time, but you were my most trusted confidant,
and I cared about you…loved you…more than I can say. I told you things that I didn’t even tell
James. But I suppose I didn’t write that
often, still, where would you get the impression that I didn’t need you?”
“Oh, Sirius,” Emia said in exasperation, propping her head up with her
hands. As tears began to slide down her
cheeks, her voice cracked and she said, “D- Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m
talking about, Sirius.”
“But, Emie. You have to believe me; I
really don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She sighed and removed her wand from her robes. “Accio letter from Sirius!” she declared, and
a minute later, a letter came whizzing through the open window of the
classroom. Sirius took it in his hands
and examined it. It was dirty and
stained. The ink had begun to run
together due to the tears that had graced it those months ago, and the
parchment was beginning to yellow because of its placement in the sun. It was however, still legible, and Sirius
read out loud,
“Emia-
I do not love you. What makes you think I ever had? I have a girlfriend now, and she and I are very happy together. Honestly, I’m not even sure that I want to be friends with you right now. You’re not worth my time.-Sirius”“What in the name of Merlin?!” Sirius yelled incredulously. “Emia, I didn’t write this!”
Emia was too busy sobbing into her hands to really acknowledge the statement. Sirius repeated himself and Emia looked up and scoffed. She didn’t believe him.“Sirius, it’s in your writing, it was even delivered by your owl!”“Yes, that’s probably true. But I didn’t write it. Somebody wrote this to you in a deliberate attempt to break off any future connections between us!”Emia rolled her eyes and gasped in mock indignation at the supposed crime. “Sirius, I really don’t believe you. I can’t believe you…all the evidence is stacked against you.”He looked down at Emia, with glistening tears gracing her cheeks, and said softly. “Emia, I’m sorry that this happened. I still did not write that letter, but I’m sorry it was written, and I’m very sorry I never tried to investigate the matter before now. I hope that you will forgive me and that everything can be fine between us once again.”Emia sniffed, wiping her eyes with her robe sleeve, and replied, “I hope everything can be fine between us once again too, Siri. It will take a bit of work on your part, but your apology is accepted, and definitely appreciated.”
Sirius smiled. “So stop crying?”
he asked softly.
“Hopefully I won’t be crying again for a long time,” she replied.
I'm
living for the night we steal away
I need you at the dimming of the day
*~*
Later that week, everything was beginning to settle down. Lily and James were dating again and the
whole atmosphere of the school seemed to have brightened for it. Emia and Sirius were speaking much more
animatedly than before, and there appeared to be between them a mutual
understanding not to mention the incident in the classroom, but to try to move
forward from it. Peter, Remus, and Avia
relaxed in front of the Common Room fire and reflected on the events of the
past fortnight.
Peter chuckled, “You two were right, everything did settle down.”
Remus smiled. “Yes, it did…I’m
very happy about it, too. It’s so nice
not to have to deal with the constant bickering around here anymore.”
Avia grinned. “That was pretty
funny to watch, though.”
Remus looked down at her in surprise, and then laughed. “Just a little, anyway.”
Peter smiled and arose from his chair.
“I’m off to bed, you two. Don’t
stay up too late!”
A jovial chorus of “Good night, Peter!” came from Remus and Avia, and
the couple settled down together on the couch in front of the fire to continue
their conversation.
“What do you think will happen now?” Avia asked softly, staring into
the dancing firelight.
“Nobody can really tell, I suppose,” Remus mused quietly, kissing her
blonde hair. “But I’m glad that whatever
happens, I have you.”
Avia smiled, and the two sat in comfortable silence, watching the fire
until only the embers were left.
I
need you at the dimming of the day
*~*