Chappie 36- Slow Recoveries

 

James sat, bolt upright in bed, while Lily quietly spooned him soup.  It was a month after the incident, and James wasn’t healing well.  He also wasn’t taking the fact that his dad was a Death Eater and was now DEAD very well.  He didn’t blame Lily, of course, she had done it to protect himself and in self-defense.  She was just making the world a bit of a better place.  How could Thomas have been a Death Eater the WHOLE TIME? How could he have not noticed? His poor mother, she must have known, she’d seen him change…and Dark Marks are rather hard to miss.  His poor mother, Thomas probably pressured her immensely to shut up and keep up the façade of James’ perfect parents.  Agh…how depressing. James didn’t even want to think about it.

            James was in no condition to even feed himself, and Lily stayed by his bedside 24/7, constantly feeding him, or comforting him after nightmares.  She was really his savior sometimes; it was all because of Lily that he was still alive.  He owed everything to his angel, and he couldn’t even thank her properly, due to the constant bandages inside his mouth trying to stop all the bleeding for the glass gashes.  Yes, James was a mess.  On a brighter note, House-Elf Lily finally had found a new home at the Blacks’.  They tried to pay her, but she refused, saying she only wanted their and James’ company, and that that was worth more than all the money they could give her.

James woke up early one morning in August to the sounds of arguing.  He recognized the voices immediately, it was Lily and Sirius.  They seemed to be arguing about…him. 

“Well, what do you propose we do?” Lily’s angry whisper floated to his ears.

“Lil, you know as well as I that we can’t move him! School starts in two weeks! It’s been a month, he hasn’t healed! Do you have any ideas?” Sirius whispered back fiercely.

“Well, we have to take him! He’s a prefect, and I haven’t even told him that yet! He’s lost track of time! He needs to be around his friends, he’ll never heal otherwise…he’ll spend every minute as if it were his last, moping around…he needs his friends, Sirius!”

“He CAN’T MOVE, LILY! We can’t take him to Hogwarts on a stretcher!”

“Let’s write Dumbledore…that’s the only way we’re going to settle this stupid argument.”

“We could ASK him, Lily.”

“He can’t talk, Sirius!”

“He could point to an option!”

There was a loud sigh; Lily was giving in. She was just sick of arguing with Sirius, but all the same, James appreciated that they were going to consult him.  He lay back in bed, and pretended to be asleep.

James heard people walking into his room.

“James, honey…are you awake?” Lily asked gently.

James tried to sit up, despite the pain of the bruises.  “Mmm?” was all he could manage to say, but it was enough for Lily.

Lily and Sirius explained the situation, and James just nodded.  “Well, James, do you want to stay here, or go back to school?” Lily asked gently.

James thought about it for over a minute, and then pointed to Lily.  “Okay, great, hon…you’ll go back soon. I’m sure there’s some way we can get you healed.”

Sirius looked like he had just come down with the best idea in the world.  “We can write to Dumbledore, and get him to bring us the new nurse, Madam Pomfrey!”

Lily looked skeptical. “Siri, she’s new…are you sure she can heal something like this big?”

“I’m sure she can, Lil,” Sirius said comfortingly, before sprinting down the hall for a quill, piece of parchment, and Demetrius.

As soon as Sirius had left, Lily turned to James.  “You’re a prefect with me, honey…isn’t that great?”

James looked at her and put his hand over hers.  Lily’s smile started to falter.  “Oh, damn it, James! Why did all this have to happen to you…to us? You don’t deserve this!”

James just looked at her with a shocked expression.  Lily had been a little ray of sunshine while he was healing, always optimistic, and always happy, like a flower pushing up through the ground at the start of spring.  But now, that façade was faltering, and she was crumbling into a heap before his eyes.  Aren’t I the one who’s supposed to be feeling all the pain? The same thing happened when Mum died…she was always crying, and I was trying to be optimistic and happy.  What’s wrong with me? Do I feel no remorse for my own parents? What kind of pathetic child am I? I’m ungrateful…unworthy of the amazing mother I had…that’s why she was taken from me in the first place.

All of his worst fears flooded back to him…the worries that he wasn’t good enough, wasn’t smart enough, and wasn’t worthy of the amazing family he used to have.  That’s why the glass shattered; leaving him with shards of memories that would never be restored.  He would miss them…he would miss his family and their happy façade…after all, a happy delusion is better than an unhappy reality, which is all he had now.  Lily was sobbing into his shoulder, Sirius was off writing a letter, and he would never be the same. He wanted to kiss her, wanted to hug her, but he couldn’t.  He couldn’t move, he couldn’t feel…he couldn’t…be.  What was the point? Would this stupid and idiotic pain ever end? Did it always have to be present just to remind him of Thomas and the loss that he’d had? How long would this go on?!

James sighed, and tilted Lily’s face up to him.  He traced a finger along her cheek gently, the way she had done, that night of their very first kiss.  He wondered if she was thinking about that moment right now, too.  That moment where everything between them had been perfect, she hadn’t even been his girlfriend yet, but they knew they would be together forever. 

Lily answered his question by reciting Remus’ words from that night that nobody had forgotten: “Oh, now there’s definitely no doubt in my mind, James Potter, you’re meant to be with her.”

James smiled, and felt a tear drip down his cheek.  If he gave up right now, he would never be with his Lily again.  His angel, his savior, his best friend (besides Sirius, of course), and one of the few people in this world that he loved with all his heart...  He couldn’t imagine life without her, mainly because life without her wouldn’t be worth living.  He decided something, right then and there. I’m a prefect. I’ve got a great life ahead of me…with Lily. Just because my mum is gone doesn’t mean I’ve stopped loving her, I never will. But she knows, and told me so in that letter, that I love her, and that I need to move on with my life.  As soon as I can walk again, I plan on taking walks all the time with Lil…just taking in the scenery, savoring every moment of my life.  If I don’t live to be eighty, that’s too bad, but I’ve been blessed- I’ve found my true love at an early age, and that’s one of the greatest feats that can be achieved in this world.

Lily smiled up at him, obviously still thinking about that night- that wonderful night at Hogwarts.  All their friends together, they were together…everything.  Sirius walked into the room, carrying the note, quill, and Demetrius.  James pointed to the parchment, and took the quill from Sirius. Sirius understood, he was used to the “pointing” language by now…it’s how Sirius and James had been really communicating for the past month. Sirius came back in with a spare piece of parchment and some ink.

James dipped the quill into the ink bottle, and wrote-

I want to be better.

At this, Lily and Sirius smiled. He finally WANTED to get out of this bed and be healed!  James continued writing-

I love you both, and I don’t want to miss any pranks in our fifth year…I want to carry them out.  We’ll leave as legends, Siri!

Sirius smiled, and seemed to be choking down a sob….he didn’t want to cry, after all, he was “manly” and such…but James’ words were really touching him.

And Lily, thank you…for everything. For saving me, for loving me, for spoon-feeding me!

Lily couldn’t help the tear cascading down her cheek at the moment, but watched her boyfriend write a bit more.

Can you guys help me pack tonight?

They nodded, smiled, and jumped on James, giving him one of the biggest hugs he’d ever gotten.  It hurt. Really bad. But James didn’t mind, for once…he was going to get better.

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B/A/N- Sorry So Short…  But you know, next chapter, it’s time for Dumbledore’s response and the trip back to Hoggywarts!