“Sarah”

“My name is Sarah

I am but three,

My eyes are swollen

I cannot see,

I must be stupid

I must be bad,

What else could have made

My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better

I wish I weren't ugly,

Then maybe my mommy

Would still want to hug me.

I can't speak at all

I can't do a wrong

Or else I'm locked up

All the day long.

When I awake I'm all alone

The house is dark

My folks aren't home

When my mommy does come

I'll try and be nice,

So maybe I'll get just

One whipping tonight.

Don't make a sound!

I just heard a car

My daddy is back

From Charlie's Bar.

I hear him curse

My name he calls

I press myself

Against the wall

I try and hide

From his evil eyes

I'm so afraid now

I'm starting to cry

He finds me weeping

He shouts ugly words,

He says its my fault

That he suffers at work.

He slaps me and hits me

And yells at me more,

I finally get free

And I run for the door.

He's already locked it

And I start to bawl,

He takes me and throws me

Against the hard wall.

I fall to the floor

With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy continues

With more bad words spoken.

"I'm sorry!" I scream

But its now much too late

His face has been twisted

Into unimaginable hate

The hurt and the pain

Again and again

Oh please God, have mercy!

Oh please let it end!

And he finally stops

And heads for the door,

While I lay there motionless

Sprawled on the floor

My name is Sarah

And I am but three,

Tonight my daddy

Murdered me.”

 

Chappie 35- Unimaginable Hate

            James woke with a start.  He couldn’t remember what the dream was entirely about, but he remembered random pictures of himself, his father, and…Voldemort.  But why? It wasn’t like Voldemort was around here, and it certainly wasn’t like his father would go hang out with Voldie anyway.  He may be bad, but he’s not that bad, James said to himself.  I’m so confused, I have to find Lily…

James got out of the bed he shared with Sirius at the Blacks’ house, and creeped down to their guest room, which was just down the hall.  The door creaked as he cautiously opened it, his gaze falling on a crying redhead, sitting by her fireplace.

“Lily…” he said quietly.  He was crying by this point now too.  “What’s wrong?” he choked out.

“I had a dream…about you…and your dad,” she said, looking like she wanted to say more, but just couldn’t get it out.

“And Voldemort?” James asked, his pitch unusually high.  So this WAS real.  Lily had nothing but premonitions in those dreams, and she knew it as well as him.  That was why she was crying so late at night, that was why she could not meet his eyes as she spoke.  Lily looked up at him with dread, and morosely nodded.  “James, you can’t see your father ever again…just so, whatever it is, doesn’t happen.”

James backed to the door.  “So that’s the answer? I never get to know my father, my one, and sole link to my dead mother?”

Lily shook her head, “That’s not what I mean, and you know it.  Why do you want to know him anyway, after what he’s done already?”

James’ eyes seemed to flash angrily; they never did that with Lily, though.  “It was one mistake!”

Lily stood up as well. “It was a pretty big one, James!” She was yelling now.  Lily sighed, and lowered her voice to a whisper.  “Are you still going tomorrow to finish the guardianship papers for the Ministry?”

James nodded, and said, “I’m sorry I raised my voice, Lily. You know I’m not quite myself right now.”

Lily managed a small smile, and nodded.  “Don’t worry, Jamesie, I’m not taking any of this to heart.”

James laughed, and ran over to Lily, starting to tickle her. “Don’t call me Jamesie!” James laughed while tickling Lily, who was giggling hysterically.

“Sorry,” she choked out through her torrential laughter.  “I know that’s Sirius’ name for you!”

“Damn straight!” came a voice from the doorway.  James and Lily turned, shocked, to see… that it was just Sirius.

“Oh, god, Sirius, you scared me!” Lily tutted.  

“Sorry, hon, but I thought I’d catch you before you two woke my whole house.”

James laughed, “Yeah, I should get to bed.  Good night, my little Lily-kins!” James gave her a swift kiss goodnight.

“Nighty night, Jamesie,” she said sweetly, before barricading the door so he couldn’t tickle her again.

James sighed on the other side of the door. She was going to get it tomorrow, he said to himself.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

James and Lily walked, hand in hand, back into Potter Manor for the last time.  Lily had insisted upon coming for moral support, though James insisted he could do this alone. 

“Hey, James, hon, go on ahead.  I have to tie my shoe; it’s been bugging me all day.”  Lily kneeled down onto the marble to tie it, and James looked curiously down at her. 

“You sure?”

Lily nodded, and said, “Yeah, hon, I know my way around by now.”

James just nodded and turned, walking back into the Grand Hall with a shudder of recognition to the chandelier.  He turned again, searching for his father, wondering if his father ever actually came home from his mistress. 

“Back so soon?” came an icy voice from the shadows.  James turned to see Thomas Potter, or what was left of him, and James was petrified.  Thomas looked like he hadn’t bathed in days; he was obviously drunk, with Firewhiskey on his breath. “Dad…” James said, as a warning, slowly trying to back away.  “We’ve got paperwork…you have to sign…”

The words didn’t register in Thomas’ brain till about five minutes later, when a drunken response slurred its way out of his mouth.  “Whhhattttt kinnnnnddddd?”

James’ eyes flashed with noticeable fear, and he said quietly, “Adoption.”

James’ eyes were nothing to Thomas’, which suddenly became laden with an almost demonic quality.  “Oh, you’re not leaving,” he said, suddenly perfectly enunciating every word.

Of course, James said, he knows a sobering spell…

Thomas grabbed James by the hand, and dragged him to the third floor or the immense attic, a little known floor in the Manor.  Its sole purpose was to keep secrets…so many secrets…this was where Thomas had often taken his mistress when Emilia was out, shopping… this was where Emilia had decided exactly how she would do her suicide when the time came…this place, so full of bad memories.  James had often come up here whenever he wasn’t behaving, or his father thought he wasn’t behaving, for the endless beatings.  But today was worse.  Oh, so much worse.

James reached the attic, his heart dropping down to swim in his stomach acid, feeling such dread…today would be the worst of his life, he could definitely tell.  Thomas opened the attic cautiously, as if checking to make sure they didn’t have any leftover servants still here to witness what he was about to inflict.  If they had listened for sounds, however, they might have noticed the delicate steps behind them.

Thomas walked in, jerking James in, and slammed the door.  “It’s about time you learned your place,” Thomas growled, hurling James against a wall.  Normally, Thomas would never have dreamed of anything but small beatings for his son, but it wasn’t really even his son anymore, now was it? James hit the wall with a sickening crack, falling over mirrors and things.  He tried to get up as fast as he could, to be on the guard against his father, but his father creeped up behind him and yanked him up by the shirt collar, this time throwing him into the opposite wall.  James’ glasses shattered, glass slicing his skin, glass…blood…everywhere. Great, now James couldn’t see.  His father had an unbelievable advantage.  Thomas threw James like this for at least half an hour, until all of James was bruised, bleeding, or broken.  He could not feel anything but the pain.  Suddenly, an angel appeared before him, taking him out the door, running with him down the staircases, helping him out. He didn’t know how, because he wasn’t being carried, and there was no way in hell he could walk.  He suddenly realized that he must be being levitated…a charm…Lily.  “Lily?” he tried to say, his mouth choking on the glass, on the blood.

            A small, very reassuring hand petted him slowly, as they continued to walk together. Lily, he thought thankfully. Oh, thank God she was here…thank God she had to tie her shoe…or maybe this pile of blood and bones would be her right now…I’d never be able to live with myself, if it were my fault she got hurt.

Lily just looked down at him in such agony.  Why hadn’t she helped earlier?! She wanted to stupefy James’ dad sooner, but EVERY time she had a shot, Thomas would grab James again, and she couldn’t miss.  If she hit James with that spell in his state…he’d probably die.  She had to wait…watching her love get bruised, bleeding, wanting nothing more than to run to him, help him.  Thank God I thought to bring his Cloak, she thought. He may trust his father, but I sure as hell don’t.

Lily picked up their pace as she heard clunking footsteps echoing after them.  Lily could feel her heartbeat speed up so fast…she was so scared.  Thomas was evil, now…what would he do to her if he found her? All Thomas wanted to do now was hurt his son…hurting her would hurt James so much more than physical pain to James, she knew that very well.  Lily continued running, trying to be as quiet and light as possible, if he found her, there would be hell to pay.  Lily turned a corridor, and came face to face with a calculating Thomas Potter. 

Of course he found me, Lily thought to herself. Who am I to think I can hide from him in his own house?

Suddenly, Lily got an idea.  It just might work, she thought to herself, slowly backing away, facing Thomas.  She couldn’t let him get to James in this state, but she didn’t want to be alone.  Oh, so alone.

Lily took in a deep breath, and said loudly, “Expello James!” James, Banished, went soaring through the air carefully, out the door…and on his way to the Blacks’ house.

Thomas looked at her with a deathly glare in his eyes.  “You’ll regret that,” he said quietly.

Lily’s emerald eyes got wider, and she turned.  Time to run.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Lily turned around corridors, running furiously, panting…she needed to get in shape.  Thomas’ angry hand continued reaching out at her from the shadows, but she had to get where she was going.  It simply wasn’t a choice.  She was well aware that part of her plan wouldn’t work already, and she needed to somehow get House-Elf Lily here.  (She quit when Emilia died.)

Lily finally got where she was trying to get, the kitchens.  Thomas was a ways behind her, and that was all according to plan.  Now, she had one last thing left to do.  “Accio House-Elf Lily!” she whispered.

“Lily” went soaring through the air, and Lily caught her before she could hit the ground.  She told “Lily” what to say, and how to act, and the house-elf nodded. She knew to obey Lily…Lily would make things so much better for everyone. “Lily” stood by the entrance to the kitchens, and Lily backtracked the direction she went before, trying to taunt Thomas.

“Thomas!” she yelled.  He looked up from the bottom of the staircase, where he was murderously rolling up his sleeves.  Lily noticed…a black skull…on his right arm.  A serpent tongue, she could just barely make it out from upstairs. But she knew what it meant…boy, did she.

“Death Eaters suit you these days?” she yelled with a smirk. 

“What do you mean, these days?” he said with an equally satisfied smirk, starting to climb the staircase. “I always was, dear.”

Lily’s eyes widened…she definitely hadn’t expected this.  So James’ dad was a Death Eater…the whole time? Oh, Dear God…don’t let me die, she thought, turning and running back down the corridor.  She gave a quick nod to “Lily”, who was standing in the middle of the corridor, eyes wide.

“Lily” nodded back, scared, but determined.  Lily shrank back into the shadows for safety, fervently hoping this plan would work.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Thomas Potter clanked loudly up the staircase, saying in a singsong voice, “Voldie wants our Lily...”

Lily felt a quiver of fear pass her heart and she bit her lip to keep quiet, trying to stop shaking from fear.  Thomas’ eyes strayed to the little house-elf in the middle of the corridor.

“What the hell are you doing here?” he said bitterly.

“I’s nevers lefts, Sir! I’s was loyal, Sir!” she squeaked, eyes wide.

“Oh, well, that’s good then,” Thomas said.  An idea popped into his head. “Have you seen Lily go through here? James wanted me to get her.”

The house-elf smiled good-naturedly and said, “Of course, Sir. Miss is in the kitchens, Sir.”

“Thank you,” he said with a sinister smile, walking up to the phoenix guard.

What happened next happened unbelievably fast, yet so slowly.  Thomas pet the phoenix absentmindedly, and the phoenix looked at him curiously.  Finally, it came to a decision. It leaped aside.

Noooo, Lily thought with fear. This can’t be happening. My plan!

Suddenly the phoenix pounced on Mr. Potter, sucking him into itself.

“Have fun it a fiery pit of hell, Mr. Potter!” Lily screamed.

Lily ran with “Lily” for dear life, out the house, out of their town, until they were finally both left panting outside the Potter’s city.  “Thank you so much, ‘Lily’”, Lily said, still panting.

“He deserved its, Miss,” the house-elf managed out squeakily.

“Yeah, he did. He definitely did.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

B/A/N- This chappie was so hard for me to write…I didn’t want Thomas to be an abusive Death Eater anymore than the rest of you…but I needed to kill him off somehow, and this was the best way to do it.