When Worlds Collide and Very Little Makes Any Sense at All But Everyone is Having a Good Time Until the Cows Come Home to Roost in Their Nest and Buddha Told You There Would Be Days Like This 2
By Mele
10-20-30-40-50 or more
The bloody bed barron
Rolling up the Score
Eighty men died trying to
End that Spree
Of the Bloody Red Barron
Of germany3
"Good morning, Precious.4 Did him sleep good? You wanna give me some of that lovin' sugar before I head off to work?"5 Jim Ellison, Sentinel of The Great City, with five enhanced senses: taste, smell, touch, sight, and hearing. He could see things other couldn't see, hear things others could not hear, taste things others could not taste, smell things other could not smell, and feel things others could not feel-not feelings like emotions, but feelings like sense of touch, which he has enhanced.6
Tiny little fingers clutched at Jim's T-shirt as a soft mewling sound emerged from under the five blankets and a cascade of morning tumbled curls started to emerge. "Do you really have to go?" the quavering voice asks with a needy whimper.7
"Sorry, Sweetums, but Daddy has to go earn a living to keep you in algae shakes, but you'll be safe here unless a psycho comes and tries to kidnap you." The huge Ex convent8 ops ranger looked around with a fierce glare as he pulled the love of his life, his soulmate, his best friend, his guide, his shaman, his all and everything into a protective cuddle against his massive chest, chisled jaw clenching tightly.9
"Butt I don't want you to go, I'm scared."10
Jim through himself off the bed and hurried down the stair before he gave in to the urge to ravage the itsy-bitsy body of his lover, he simply didn't have enough time for another shower if he wants to be on time today.11
Suddenly bright flashes of colors, red, white, and blue appeared in the middle of the living room, which Jim was crossing so he could go to work and not be late like he usually was because he stays to snuggle with his cuddle bunny. The flashes of light grew bigger then became three guys dressed in colored outfits of red, white, and blue, since the flashes were red white & blue.12 They immediately struck up poses as if fighting invisible fighters.
"Who are you? What are you doing in my living room? Why are you wearing spandex outfits in bright colors? I'm going to call the cops if I don't get some answers!" He shouted at the misterous figures, even tho he was standing really close to them. He was scared they might be figures of his imagination.
"Don't be afraid. We are Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, from Angel Grove, but you can't know who we are because it's a secret," the red one said in a deep, manly voice.
"I dunno, Jason, I still say there is a fourty five percent probability sixty two percent of the under fifteen demographics has determined with ninety three percent accuracy our identities," the blue one said while the white one was obviously trying to count on his fingers.13
"What are you saying, Billy?"
"I am saying everyone but Bulk and Skull knows who we are, and I am not convinced Bulk does not know."
"Well, then fuck it.14 Lets unmorf."
They said the magic words and there bright uniforms went away and they were standing there in normal clothes, even though they are in the colors they wore before they unmorphed red, white and blue, like a flag, because power rangers have to be patriotic.
Jim staggered back in amazement and glanced up at Blair who was watching from the upstairs bedroom thru the railing.
"How did you do that?" Jim asked.
"Magic," said the dark haired boy dressed all in red with a red t-shirt showing off his big muscles, red pants, red sneakers and probably red boxer shorts though you couldn't see them.15
"Oh, I don't feel good," the white clad guy in a white t-shirt which showed off his not as big muscles, white baggy pants, and white shoes said. He might have been wearing green boxer shorts for old time's sake, cause you could kind of see them through the white pants.
"What's wrong?" Blair screamed, having gotten dressed in three pairs of pants and five shirts.
"Oh, Tommy. Tommy. Your using again, aren't you?" Red clad boy said taking the taller boy in his burly arms.
"Jase its just so hard!" Tommy sobbed. "My dad died when I was born, then mom married that man who sexually abused me until he got hit by a bus right in front of me and his guts blew out on my face, which made me feel a little better maybe. Then mom started using drugs to feel better, and she wanted me to feel better to so I did, then I met you guys and things were good until I got Kim pregnant, and I may have picked up aides from that prostitute. And I think I'm getting a 'd' in geography because I keep forgetting where things are and my dog ran away." Then he fell to the floor and had convulsions and blood came out of his ears.16
"He needs a doctor." Blue guy said.
"I'll call for one!" Blair screeched, racing to the phone on the table beside him.
The paramedics arrived and raced in. "I'm Raul Melendez and this is Dr. Lucy Knight," the man said, indicating his female partner, quickly leering at the lovely younger woman.17
"Wait a minute. I don't recognize you guys. Where did you come from?" Jim demanded, looking ferally at the newcomers.
"Well, see, there was an explosion at your hospital and all the doctors and all the nurses and all the paramedics and everyone except the patients were injured and can't work any more for a while, so we came from Boston to help out."18
"Oh. Okay." Jim smiled in relief.
"Is there a problem here? What happened?" he asked looking at the convulsing, bleeding teenager on the floor.
"He just started convulsing, do something!" Blair howled.
"Okay, let's start some Ringers Lactate, insert a shunt in his aeorta and prepare to transport!" Lucy shouted, opening things that looked very pointy and ominous.19
"Oh, darling, no one can do an insertion like you can," Lucy purred misty eyed as Raul worked on they're patent.
"Not here, sweatheart, later," he hissed even as he groped her frantically.
"Ooohhhh.....yyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeasssssssssssss..." she signed.
In just a little while they had tommy ready to go and wisked him out the door to the waiting ambulance.
"Well, we have to report back to Xordon.20 Forget you ever saw us." With a whoosh and a flash of colors-just red and blue since white was gone now when they took him to the hospital because of the convulsing blood coming out of the ears thing-they left.21
"Baby, are you okay?" Jim asked the sweating man beside him as he swept him up into a passionate kiss.
"Yeah. But maybe now you'll come back to bed?" the tiny man asked timorously.
"Blair, Baby, Darling...I have to work. Simon will be perturbed if I don't show up."
"Well, this just sucks," the minature man stomped back up to the bedroom, cursing Sentinel soft so only his beloved could hear him, not that there was anyone else around.
Heaving a great sigh of the sexually frustrated the sentinel again headed toward the door just a two men dressed in brown paramilitary kind of uniforms appeared suddenly.
"Now what???" the enraged Detective James Ellison roared.
"I am Captain Apollo, of the Battlestar Gallatica, a ragtag fleet of ships in search of Earth. This is Starbuck. Who are you? Where are we?"
"Jim Ellison...DETECTIVE Jim Ellison, Cascade PD..and your in my living room!"
"Apollo, I think we may have finely succeeded! We found earth! Right? Right? We found earth?" the blonde man leaped around happily smoking his stogie.22
"Just a yaren, Starbuck, stop with all that feldercarp and wait just a senton while I get some answers. Are we on earth?" the dark haired commander asked, putting his hands on his hips and frowning impatiently.
"Well. I'm on earth, but I'm not sure about you two."
"Jim, Jim...look at the symbols on their uniforms! That's the symbol of the 'Adhoc Troupe' from the Mitsubishi tribe of Inner Mongolians. They claim to be regularly visited by intergalactic travelers every 75,000 years or so. This is amazing!" and Blair joined Starbuck in dancing around the room.23
"What does this have to do with anything, my little Guppy?"
"It's the find of the century, Jim! Forget Sentinels, that's yesterday's news! These...these are from outerspace. How'd you get here?"
"We used the Confangulamator24 to bring us here, of course." Apolo explained.
"Can I see how it works?" Blair asked wide-eyed with wonder.
"Sure little fella. First you slide this, then this..then punch this and viola! Oops."
Three guys on horses appeared in the living room, not making Jim very happy.
"Hey! House rule number 1,726 says 'no horses in the loft!'" he yelled, spooking them. The horses, not the riders. Though the riders were kinda scared too.
"Woah!"25 the biggest rider said, pulling his big pistol and shooting Jim three times, which made the sentinel stagger.26
"Jim! Jim! Are you hurt?" Blair cried out, climbing up the big man's body to poke at the holes from the bullets.
"I'm fine, Sweetie, don't worry. Just stay behind me and watch out. Now who the hell are you guys!?!" he glowered at the newcomers.
"I'm James Butler Hickock, that there's Billy Cody, and he's Buck Cross. We ride for the pony express. We are Young Riders for the pony express. But I don't think we're in Kansas any more." 27
"You could say that," Jim giggled.28
"We need to be at Fort Dix by noon!29 We have mail to deliver! We have to do our duty!" the blonde who was called Billy Cody, who would probably end up being Buffloe Bill Cody someday, shouted in in excrement as his horse lifted his tail and broke house rule number 2,728.
"Ew," Starbuck said, backing up in disgust as Jim ran for the paper towels. "Maybe you ought to send them back?"
"I don't want to go back," the Indian said angrily. "They are mean to me and Ike's dead and I loved him like a brother so I don't want to go back. Can I go with you?"30
"Sure, we can use a man like you," Apollo said wisely.31
"Cool! Hey, dudes, I'm gonna book,"32 Buck said, dismounting and handing his horse to cody.
Apollo waved the device again and the three horses and two men disappeared. He decided it was time for him and Starbuck to leave with Buck who was going with them, so he waved it again and they disappeared.33 Jim and Blair were left alone with Jims bleeding wounds and a really icky mess on the floor.
"That was weird, how those people all came and went and we don't know why, but they were all okay, and you're already late so maybe now we can go back to bed, cause I'm really horney and want you in me," Blair babbled, taking Jim's hand and pressing it to the burning flesh of his groin.34
"ooohhhhh....Chief!" and the big man swept his darling up in his arms and ran up the steps two at a time35 and soon the bed was rattling, and Blair was squealing, and all was right in...
The end.
Footnotes:
I have not bothered to footnote all the spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors. The footnotes would run longer than the story if I did.
1. Why in the world would anyone try to crossover
these fandoms?
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2. Gee, I've read fanfics shorter than this title
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3. Song lyrics that have nothing to do with anything
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4. Ew. Of all the slash fandoms, Sentinel seems
to use the most pet names.
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5. Like a former covert ops Ranger is going to talk
this way
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6. Okay, you got the idea on the senses thing now?
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7. Despite common misconceptions, Blair is a perfectly
normal sized person.
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8. Oh, what the hell...covert, convent...close enough.
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9. Um, I think Jim likes him.
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10. Also contrary to popular belief, Blair is not
five.
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11. Pick a tense and stay with it.
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12. You figured out the color thing, right?
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13. Superheroes are either super smart or blithering
idiots.
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14. Power Rangers never curse-normally.
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15. That color thing again.
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16. But other than that, things are just ducky
in Tommy's life. Power Rangers seems to be particularly prone to the 'if
one trauma is good, several are better' school of thought.
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17. So what if one of those characters, well actually
BOTH those characters, are dead, and never were on the show at the same
time. And that he is gay. I want them to have a relationship.
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18. Logic be damned, I wanted them here!
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19. When in doubt, rattle off medical sounding
things.
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20. It's always helpful to not know how to spell
the character's names.
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21. I've got no idea what to do with them now,
so they get gone quickly.
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22. Oh, good...a playmate for Blair.
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23. Well, Blair IS an anthropologist. And obviously
very excitable.
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24. When in doubt, make it up.
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25. Whoa, never woah.
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26. A real manly hero must be shot at least five
times before they feel pain or weaken.
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27. Now that was just irresistible.
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28. Repeat after me: Jim Ellison does not giggle.
Good.
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29. You don't know what towns were near the fictional
setting of the series? Fine, just hope your readers don't either. Helps
if you use a more obscure fandom.
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30. Don't bother to set this up, just insert it
in the story like it belongs.
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31. Why? Like a Pony Express rider is going to
be real helpful in space.
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32. Authentic Kiowa dialog helps set the mood for
the story.
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33. Wow, I'm almost to page six, so I'm tired.
Think I'll wrap this up.
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34. Um.... interesting imagery there.
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35. For a man shot three times, he's feeling pretty
darn spry.
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Final notes...I looked, but darned if I see any sort of plot there. <g> And Barney never did appear, but I didn't feel like removing him from the list of crossovers. But I made you look!