Denise G/Susan
(Inspired by Dee Dee's challenge of the first GAMM Christmas, and by Denise's poem herein...)
On the very first Christmas, so long ago,
God gave us the greatest gift we shall ever know.
Our Savior King was born that day.
He came to show us all the Way.
On that special day so long ago,
Three Wisemen did their gifts bestow.
Three gifts they gave with adoration so true,
May you know joy the whole year through.
After the children were finally asleep on Christmas Eve, and Carolyn and Martha had shared a pot of tea in front of the dying embers in the fireplace, Carolyn filled the stockings with the little gifts and candies she had gathered over the year and went upstairs to her room. The rain which had been lashing the east coast for a week had finally stopped that afternoon and the sun had actually come out for a brief time. There was no chance of a white Christmas this year, but at least the forecast was for clear skies and unseasonably warm weather.
Before undressing, Carolyn stood by the window looking out over the moonlit bay. To the far right, she could see the glow from the town of Schooner Bay, all gaily lit for Christmas. The reflection of many coloured lights danced on the waves of the ocean. Carolyn sighed. Such a change from the busy street scene outside her apartment window in Philadelphia!
"Is anything wrong, Madam?" the voice of Captain Gregg made her jump slightly. Even after six months, she was still caught off guard by him sometimes.
"Oh, good evening, Captain. No, nothing's wrong. Why do you ask?"
"You heaved a sigh just now, loud enough to wake the dead!"
Carolyn smiled. "Very funny." she said, dryly. "No, I'm fine. I was just looking out the window, and the scene compares very favourably to the city. This is so calm and peaceful..."
Peering past her, the Captain eyed the rough bay, then raised his eyebrows at her. "Calm?"
"I admit, I wasn't thinking water." confessed Carolyn. "I was thinking of the hustle and bustle of the city. Cars speeding along, horns honking, people jostling one another, yelling and pushing and shoving ... although admittedly that is usually a LITTLE better on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day."
"Well, certainly the crowds aren't here." agreed the Captain. "I detest the sort of thing you are describing. Give me Christmas-card-perfect Schooner Bay any day!"
"I've often thought it strange that we associate Christmas with peace, even knowing that that was the angels pronouncement! I shudder to think of poor Mary that first Christmas Day. Imagine the filth and the crowds in Bethlehem, with everyone pouring in from all over the country for the census. And Mary's only refuge is a barn? For a young girl, it must have been a terrifying time." Carolyn grimaced.
The Captain looked thoughtful. "I had never thought of it in quite those terms. She must have had a lot of spunk. Like someone else I know..." and his eyes were warm upon the beautiful woman before him.
Carolyn felt the colour rising in her cheeks, and she turned away with a faint smile, embarrassed to be caught blushing like a schoolgirl. Fiddling with some papers on her desk, she spoke without looking at him. "Captain, will you be joining us for Christmas morning?"
"That would not be possible, Mrs. Muir. After all, neither your daughter nor that fiddle-footed housekeeper of yours can see me. They might think that you and Jonathan were BOTH barmy. Speaking of which, you made an appointment with a psychiatrist after your Dr. Jim convinced you to go, did you not?"
"Yes." Carolyn said, softly. Although skeptical, she had trusted Dr. Jim's judgement in the past, and the uncertainty of her present situation and the future had settled the question. "I'm scheduled to meet with Dr. McNally in Philadelphia on the 3rd of January."
"I do hope you're not making a big mistake. Good night, Mrs. Muir." the Captain's low voice had an underlying tone of sadness in it, but when she finally had the nerve to look around, he had vanished.
"I don't want to hurt you, Captain Gregg..." she whispered into the silence. "But..." But the feelings she had for him were too strong and too frightening right now. She didn't even want to admit to herself how much he had come to mean to her, and she truly wondered if she were crazy to feel such love for someone who had lived so many years before she was born. Could it be that she was simply missing Richard so much that she had projected her love to the embodiment of the portrait downstairs? Yet both Claymore and Jonathan could see the Captain ... so he couldn't be merely a figment of HER imagination. And how could three people create the same elaborate illusion? Once again, her thoughts were circling endlessly. Fruitlessly. Putting everything out of her mind except the desire to give her children a wonderful Christmas to make up for the poor one they had had last year so soon after Richard's death, Carolyn got ready for bed.
-- Sugarplum Fairy --
This little lady comes to you,
To bring sweet dreams the whole night through.
She does her magic while you're abed,
To place sweet dreams inside your head.
In the morning, Carolyn awakened to the excited sounds of the children's voices as they bounced on her bed, calling out "Merry Christmas, Mom! It's Christmas!"
Vague memories of wonderful dreams about a tall, bearded man with vivid blue eyes were swept away by the hugs and kisses of Jonathan and Candy. Carolyn laughingly got up and put on her housecoat and slippers, and the three Muirs made their way downstairs to the living room. Martha had heard them and had gotten up and put the coffee pot on. She brought Carolyn a cup, and sat down with her own while they watched the children exclaiming over the contents of their stockings. "How did you sleep?" Martha asked bluntly, her kind eyes roving over Carolyn's face.
Carolyn smiled radiantly, and met Martha's eyes fearlessly. "I had a lovely sleep, Martha. Thank you. How about you?"
Shrugging, Martha warmed her fingers around her coffee cup. "I think I'm getting used to the dark and the quiet ... too often I feel like I'm sleeping in a dungeon."
"Oh, Martha!" Carolyn chided her gently. "You surely don't miss Philadelphia THAT much! You ... you wouldn't think of leaving us, would you?" Suddenly the fear that her housekeeper and friend might depart clouded Carolyn's face.
"Of course not!" Martha laughed heartily. "You couldn't get along without me! Besides, I've sort of gotten attached to this place. Even that ogre looks almost friendly this morning." and she gestured toward the portrait over the mantle.
Smothering her smile, Carolyn noticed that the sun dimmed ever so slightly, and the rumble of the waves on the shore seemed to increase.
"They say love can do wonders..." she teased the older woman.
Sniffing, Martha nodded. "And you can get used to almost anything, so I'm told."
Then the children came up with their gifts for the two women. "Open mine first," Candy urged her mother. "Then Martha can open hers from Jonathan, then you open yours from Jonathan, then last, Martha opens mine. Okay?"
"But what about your presents?" Carolyn held the light box in her hand, the bow askew.
"We've had the stockings. Why don't you and Martha and the Captain have stockings, Mom?" Jonathan questioned.
"I did when I was a child, and I expect your mother and the Captain did too." Martha laughed.
"I'll ask him next time I see him." Jonathan grinned. "Open Candy's present, Mom! She showed it to me already."
Carefully Carolyn unwrapped the parcel. The box was taped shut. She looked at the writing on the front of the box. "Sweet Nighttime Dreams are the province of Margot the Sugarplum Faerie, who casts a sugary glow on the Sleeping World. She is the source of Happy Endings, Sweet Kisses, and Charming Princes who fill the landscape of our dreams.",
"Just what you need for all your sleepless nights!" Martha nodded emphatically.
Opening the box, Carolyn gasped as she drew out a dainty figure of a dancing fairy with clear, sparkling wings, and a full-skirted sparkling purple dress. The ornament was 4 inches from the tips of the ivory slippers to the fingertips of the upheld arm. "Candy, she's beautiful!" exclaimed Carolyn, holding the sugarplum fairy in both hands. "She looks as if sugar sprinkles were scattered over her. I'll hang her by my bed. That way I'll be sure to have good dreams! Thank you, darling."
The memory of her dreams last night resurfaced suddenly ... and her face began to grow pink. If Carolyn were to hang this fairy by her bed, would she dream of the Captain as a charming prince who would give her sweet kisses and ensure a happy ending? Hoping the children and Martha couldn't read her thoughts, she tucked the sugarplum fairy carefully back into her tissue paper next, and looked on as Martha opened her gift of bubble bath from Jonathan.
-- Newport pineapple --
This gift I give with memory
Of men who traveled on the sea.
To celebrate their safe return,
their friends and neighbors were to learn...
The knowledge this symbol did provide,
the Captain was now home and safe inside.
Jonathan next eagerly passed his present to his mother. This box was rather heavy. She opened it, and saw a jar filled with yellow. "Bubble bath?" she questioned, then pulled it out and saw that it was a candle. A pineapple-scented candle. "Oh, Jonathan, how nice!"
"Read the label on it, Mom. I thought it was perfect, and that we needed this candle in our house. Read it out loud." the boy urged. Acquiescing, Carolyn turned the jar and read, "When seafaring Captains returned home in colonial times from their ocean voyages, they brought fresh exotic fruits. A pineapple speared on the gate finial of the Captain's home was a sign to neighbours and friends of the ship's safe return and was an invitation to join in celebration. Today the pineapple remains a symbol of gracious hospitality."
Jonathan bounced on the couch beside Carolyn. "Isn't it perfect, Mom?"
"Yes, darling, it is indeed." Carolyn pried off the lid of the jar and sniffed the definite pineapple fragrance which wafted out. "Shall we light it now? I can put it on the mantle."
"Appropriate, if pineapples were sailors' symbols." grinned Martha.
"The Captain doesn't like to be called a sailor." Jonathan rebuked her gently. "He says that's a word for landlubbers..."
"Which is what I am." Martha said, cheerfully. "You wouldn't catch ME on a boat!"
Ship, Carolyn thought to herself, and smiled. "Can you get the matches, Candy, please?"
"If we light it, are we going to have a celebration today?" Jonathan asked.
"Well, it's Christmas ... isn't that enough of a celebration?" was Carolyn's response.
"What does grass..something hospital-bull mean?" was Jonathan's next query. "That was the only part I didn't understand."
"It means everyone is welcome." Carolyn said.
"Oh. Maybe the Captain wouldn't be too happy if we invited Claymore for the celebration, then." the young boy's face dropped. "He doesn't really like too many people, does he?"
"What celebration? And stop talking about that stupid old Captain. I don't want to be frightened on Christmas!" Candy was back in the room.
"What do you mean about Claymore?" Carolyn prompted. "And shouldn't you be calling him Mr. Gregg?"
"The Captain wouldn't like that, 'cause he says Claymore isn't a real Gregg." Jonathan said, seriously. "And Claymore SAID we could call him that."
Now Martha was looking a little uncomfortable. "Actually, Mrs. Muir, I know it isn't my place to invite guests to your home, especially for Christmas, but ... well, I met Claymore when I was buying the turkey, and somehow found myself inviting him for Christmas dinner. He seemed rather hesitant at first, but I think he will be coming at four today for supper. He tried to say I could take the turkey to his rooms and cook it there, and we could all go THERE, but I thought that was nonsense. Gull Cottage is his, and I don't understand why he's so scared to come here ... it makes my blood run cold when I hear him talk about ghosts and other such ridiculous things. Still and all, as far as I know, he'll be coming here for Christmas. I'm sorry I didn't tell you... to be honest, it slipped my mind ... Are you very angry?"
"Angry? N-no, of course not. But I don't have anything to give him." Carolyn's eyes darkened in distress. She glanced around the room, but there was no sign of the Captain. She hoped fervently he would remain invisible and inaudible for the rest of the day! "We could give him that paperweight we bought last year ... it's pretty ugly," Candy said. "but it looks expensive."
"Candy!" Carolyn didn't know whether to laugh or scold. Finally she threw up her hands. "All right. I don't really like it either. And Claymore probably will. I'll go up and wrap it when we're finished here."
-- star box --
This box is empty now, it's true,
but I will leave it up to you
To fill its emptiness inside
With special things you wish to hide.
Leaving Martha organizing supper in the kitchen and the children playing with their new toys in the newly-tidied living room, Carolyn ran upstairs with the paperweight they were giving to Claymore. As she walked into the bedroom, she stopped abruptly in the doorway, seeing the Captain at the telescope, his hand on his hip as he peered through the glass.
"Merry Christmas, Captain," she said, and advanced further into the room.
"And a very merry Christmas to you, my dear." he turned and smiled.
Carolyn's heart seemed to beat faster, and her hands trembled.
Clenching the paperweight tightly, she willed herself to calm down to no avail. Bits and pieces of her dream swirled through her mind, as well as the verse for the sugarplum fairy. Gazing into his blue eyes, she remembered the charming Prince who filled her dreams. Her eyes fell to his lips and she thought of sweet kisses and happy endings that could not be. With eloquent silence, she lifted tear-filled emerald eyes to his once again. Her emotions seemed so close to the surface today!
Breaking the poignant moment, the Captain cleared his throat and gestured towards a parcel on the desk. "I'm afraid I couldn't buy you anything for Christmas, but I found this among my things and wanted you to have it. It's just a little something I picked up in the Philippines..."
Slowly Carolyn stepped toward the desk. Then she stopped. "But I didn't get anything for you."
"Gifts are not necessarily reciprocal in the same way, Mrs. Muir." he smiled. "After all, I need nothing, and want nothing. There is nothing you CAN give me ... except your thanks."
"Oh, I DO thank you, you know that!" Carolyn opened the gift to reveal an intricate star-shaped box in ivory and gold. "Oh, Captain, it's lovely. I wish I could have thought of something to give you." The traitorous tears threatened to overflow again, and she swallowed hard.
"Well," he commented, pulling on his ear, pretending he wasn't happy that she was pleased with his gift, "you technically have until Little Christmas before all gift-giving is over."
"Little Christmas?"
"Epiphany. January 6th, when supposedly the wise men arrived with their gifts for the baby Jesus."
"I'll see what I can come up with." Carolyn smiled, her fingers gently caressing the carvings on the box. "Meanwhile, thank you again. And I'll let you share my gifts from the children." she added impulsively. "Jonathan gave me the pineapple candle because it reminded him of you..."
"As did the sugarplum fairy and dreams of happily ever after?" his voice was like velvet, and yet she glimpsed pain in his eyes. "Until later, my dear." and he was gone.
Somehow she had hurt him again. Rather listlessly, Carolyn wrapped Claymore's present, her eyes staying constantly to the beautiful star box. She was going to have to get over this ... this temporary aberration of her usual common sense! She HAD to be practical!
And now three wishes I send to you,
to celebrate the year anew.
May the Good Lord to you and yours provide
much happiness to feel inside.
Good health and prosperity I wish to you,
May God bless you and yours the whole year through.
The rest of the holidays passed in a blur for Carolyn. Soon she was heading to Philadelphia for her appointment with the psychiatrist, Dr. McNally. She had only been home one day when she had to phone him begging for help because the Captain refused to stay in the spirit world where she had relegated him, and insisted on sharing HER world. Although Dr. McNally came to help, he retreated in defeat, telling her that "Danny" was far more able to help her than he could. After waving the doctor away, Carolyn turned back to Gull Cottage and was greeted by the Captain's bland assertion that he couldn't hear her, because she was only a delusion. A very DEAR delusion, he added, very tenderly.
Carolyn smiled up at him enchantingly. "Captain," she spoke softly and sincerely. "I believe it is well past time for me to give you your Christmas present." She had had a lot of time to think over the events of the past few days, and finally had accepted and indeed welcomed her true feelings.
He looked surprised. "Oh?"
"Yes. It IS January 6th, after all." she reminded him. "I know you do not need anything, and really, I couldn't think of any THING you might be able to make use of." Taking a deep breath, she licked her lips and continued, "I want to give you ... my belief in you." She wanted to add 'and my love', but still hadn't the courage for that. "I promise I will never again doubt your presence in Gull Cottage ... and in my life. Merry Christmas, Captain Gregg."