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| Damn, I wish I said that... | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| HOME POLY-TICS ART? WRITINGS PICS TUNES LINKS |
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| "Whenever I'm having a bad day I like to remind myself of the madness that would ensue if our currency system was based on live insects." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "I bet we wouldn't ride horses as much if they had an extra set of chainsaw legs." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "If I ever decide to get into body piercing I think I'll ask them to use one of those big hole punchers. That way I could hang 3-ring binders from my chest and carry around recipes and things." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Do we really need warnings that the lead in paint will kill you? Keep in mind that these people have already made a conscious decision to CONSUME PAINT." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Once you overlook threading your chest with a steel rod, spinning until you puke, and having your legs and feet involuntarily crushed with a heavy plastic ball, human fooseball sounds like nothing but hours of fun!" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "I'm not a fan of Keebler cookies, or for that matter, anything else made by dirty elves in an unsanitary hollowed-out tree factory." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "A cheetah might be fast and an elephant might be strong, but neither of them have any pockets. We can all thank the modern clothing industry for that key advantage." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "If hand cream soothes hands and face creams soothe faces, why isn't whipped cream doing anything for all of the bleeding lacerations on my back?" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "What is the problem with people who ask sarcastic rhetorical questions?" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Why do Tic Tacs have to announce that extra half calorie? Do you know anyone that has become hideously obese from eating breath mints?" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "The thing that sucks most about not having lips is the fact that you can't." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||