::: Rating system for romance :::
How many times did you wish knew what kind of system your girl/wife uses to rate you?
Here it is: In the world of romance, one single rule applies: "Make the woman happy."
- Do something she likes & you get points. - Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. - You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system. Simple Duties ------------- You make the bed...................................................+1 You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows..........0 You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets........................-1 You leave the toilet seat up.......................................-5 You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty...................0 When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex........-1 When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom..-2 You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light pantyliners with wings..............................................................+5 But return with beer...............................................-5 You check out a suspicious noise at night...........................0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing...................0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's something................+5 You pummel it with a six iron.....................................+10 It's her father...................................................-10 Your Physique ------------- You develop a noticeable potbelly.................................-15 You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it...+10 You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts....................................................-5 Finances -------- You spend a lot of money on something impractical..................-5 Something she can't use...........................................-10 Such as a motorized model airplane................................-20 And she got a small appliance for her birthday....................-40 Driving ------- You lost the directions on a trip..................................-4 You lost the directions and end up getting lost...................-10 You end up getting lost in a bad part of town.....................-15 You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and personal..........................................................-25 You know them.....................................................-60 The Big Question ---------------- She asks, "Do I look fat?".........................................-5 (Sensitive questions always start with a deficit) You hesitate in responding........................................-10 You reply, "Where?"...............................................-35 Communication ------------- When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression...................................0 When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes............+5 You listen for more than 30 min. without looking at the TV........+10 She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep.................-20 Social Engagements ----------------- You stay by her side the entire party...............................0 You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy.....................................................-2 Named Tiffany......................................................-4 Tiffany is a dancer................................................-6 Tiffany has implants...............................................-8 When mingling, you hold your mate's hand and gaze at her lovingly..+1 When mingling, you introduce her as "the ol' ball and chain" and pat her on the rump............................................-5 When your mate points toward a hot-looking woman and asks you if you think she is attractive, you say, "Yes, but nowhere near as attractive as you"..............................................+1 When your mate points to a woman and asks if you think she's attractive, you say, "Yeah, but she's lousy in bed"................-6 That woman is her sister..........................................-90 You have one drink, and that's it...................................0 You have more than a few & perform the tango with a poodle.........-2 You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being fingerprinted....-18 Saturday Afternoon ------------------ You go to the mall together........................................+3 You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then park the car................................................................+4 You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then drive to a sports bar.........................................................-2 You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it....+3 You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap on a sectional....0 You spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk .............+3 Most of it chips and beer .........................................-6 You tackle a large household project, such as painting the den....+15 Or refinishing the floors.........................................+16 Or rewiring the basement..........................................+17 Or adding a second floor..........................................+18 Or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom wastebasket.......-6 And you're tickled pink about it..................................-15 You visit her parents...............................................0 You visit her parents and actually make conversation ..............+3 You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television ........-3 And the television is off..........................................-6 You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear-6 And you didn't even go to college.................................-10 And it's not your underwear.......................................-15 Her Birthday ------------ You take her out to dinner..........................................0 You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar...............+1 Okay, it is a sports bar...........................................-2 And it's all-you-can-eat night.....................................-3 It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team.......................-10 You go to a nice, pricey restaurant & hire a guitar player.........+3 You go to a pricey restaurant, hire a guitar player and get up and sing...............................................................+4 If you stink.......................................................+2 If you're not half bad.............................................+5 You get up and sing a Barry Manilow song, and you're escorted out to much applause...............................................-2 You give her a gift.................................................0 You give her a gift and it's a small appliance....................-10 You give her a gift and it's not a small appliance ................+1 You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate........................+2 You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months..........+30 You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day........-10 With her credit card..............................................-30 And whatever you bought is two sizes too big......................-40 Thoughtfulness -------------- You forget her birthday completely................................-20 You forget your anniversary.......................................-30 You forget to pick her up at the bus station......................-45 Which is in Newark, New Jersey....................................-50 And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast.......................-60 A Night Out With The Boys ------------------------- Go out with a pal .................................................-5 And the pal is happily married ....................................-4 Or frighteningly single ...........................................-7 And he drives a Mustang...........................................-10 With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED).....................-15 You have a few beers...............................................-9 And miss curfew by an hour........................................-12 You miss curfew by an hour and you didn't call....................-20 You get home at 3 am..............................................-30 You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars...........-40 And not wearing any pants.........................................-50 Is that a tattoo??...............................................-200 Her Night Out ------------- You stay home while she goes out with her annoying friend from work...............................................................+5 She goes out with her annoying work friends, and she comes home late..............................................................+10 You wait up.......................................................+15 She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed...+20 A Night At Home --------------- You watch TV together...............................................0 You rent a movie...................................................+2 You rent a movie and it's SENSE & SENSIBILITY......................+3 It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you stay awake throughout.............+5 It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep.......................-1 It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep and drool.............-2 A Night Out ----------- You take her to a movie............................................+2 You take her to a movie she likes..................................+4 You take her to a movie you hate ..................................+6 You take her to a movie you like...................................-2 It's called DeathCop 3.............................................-3 Which features cyborgs having sex..................................-9 You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.............-15 Flowers ------- You buy her flowers only when it's expected........................ 0 You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it........+20 You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself..........+30 And she contracts Lyme disease....................................-25