testoffaith2

PART TWO

Qui-Gon ran a hand through his hair, trying to force his swirling thoughts to come to some kind of order.

He should have listened to Obi-Wan at least before walking away. He knew that. He was a Jedi Master and he had no business behaving like a wounded teenager.

It was all just so painful... Obi-Wan had disobeyed him, purposefully disobeyed a direct command and risked giving them both away to Xanatos.

Qui-Gon was trying to rebuild his relationship with the boy; he had all but announced his intention to take him back as Padawan. Then this happened and his tenuous trust was shattered all over again.

The Master shook his head wearily. He had responded badly, and he knew it, but it was like Melida/Daan all over again...

A sigh escaped him. It was no good. He had thought they could rebuild, mend the tear between them, but saw now he was wrong.

Obi-Wan was strong and bright, a good boy and an apt pupil, but Qui-Gon could understand the hesitancy the Council had over his impulsive nature now. It was not a deadly flaw by any means, but Qui-Gon realized that he could not be the one to train the boy. It was not all Obi-Wan's fault either. Qui-Gon knew he bore just as much of the blame.

Disobedience was a serious infraction, but there was hardly a Padawan alive who hadn't broken the rules at one time or another. Before Melida/Daan, Qui-Gon would have been disappointed and upset, but now...

There was still no trust between them, no cushion to pad the blow and Qui-Gon had shattered. He let his emotions take control of him and had walked out on Obi-Wan.

The Master knew there was no excuse for such behavior. There was nothing that a Padawan could do which should warrant abandonment like that. Obi-Wan was not his Padawan anymore, but he was still a younger Jedi who had been under the Master's protection.

No, as much for Obi-Wan's sake as for his, they could no longer be a pair. Obi-Wan did not deserve a Master who could desert him so easily, who could let his feelings override his brain. And Qui-Gon could not live with a Padawan he could not trust, no matter how much he loved Obi-Wan.

Still, it had been wrong to leave him, and Qui-Gon intended to put that right. Retracing his steps to the crumbling courtyard where he had left Obi-Wan nearly an hour before, Qui-Gon tried to figure out what he was going to say. Giving up on that, he decided he would cross that bridge when he got there.

Of course, Obi-Wan was no longer in the courtyard. Qui-Gon really hadn't expected him to be. The boy would probably have made his way back to their quarters in the city.

"You're stalling Jinn," he reprimanded himself. "You've failed the boy so far, get back there and do at least one thing right for a change."

Yet Qui-Gon could not seem to get his legs to obey him, and stood still in the deserted ruins, his mind replaying, without permission, the last exchange between he and his former apprentice, which had taken place here.

     *Flashback*

     "Did you learn nothing from Melida/Daan?" Qui-Gon demanded, his voice harsher than he intended it to be. "Don't you realized the jeopardy
     your actions have put us in? When I tell you something I do not do it to hear myself talk!"

     Obi-Wan opened his mouth, but Qui-Gon cut him off with a wave of his hand.

     "No, I don't want to hear any excuses. Wisdom, Obi-Wan, is in knowing when to listen to others who have more experience and knowledge than
     you, and obedience is part of that. A part that you seem to have a great deal of trouble with."

It had been a cutting remark with no really beneficial purpose and Qui-Gon kicked himself for it.

     *Flashback*

     There were unshed tears in Obi-Wan's eyes, but behind the shimmer, a fierce fire sprang to life. Qui-Gon's words cut deep into the wounds the
     young Jedi was still carrying around with him. The Master wasn't even letting him explain what really happened! Did Qui-Gon think so little of him
     that he automatically assumed the worst?

     "Then why are we here?" Obi-Wan bit back, more out of pain than true anger. "The Council told you not to go, not to search Xanatos out, but here
     we are! Or are you only interested in obedience if it goes with whatever you think should be done?!" Obi-Wan was out of line and he knew it, but
     the words left him before he could stop them and once out, he refused to apologize for them.

     Qui-Gon's eyes narrowed. The whole situation here had him tense, agitated and uncertain. "You will not speak to me in that manor Obi-Wan, it
     is unbecoming a Jedi," he said with forced calm.

     "So?" Obi-Wan asked, despair making him impudent. "Am I a Jedi anymore? Everyone seems determined to remind me that I may not be. Or am
     I only a Jedi when it suits your purpose, or the Council's? When they want to say: "this is what a Jedi would or would not do"?" The uncertainty
     and loss of identity that had been tearing the young man apart for these past weeks burst out of him in a heated rush.

     "I'm not enough of a Jedi for you to trust, just enough to order around, is that it?" It was a stupid thing to say. A very stupid thing, but all
     Obi-Wan's frustration had just seemed to bubble up at once and it was out before the boy could call it back.

     Qui-Gon's eyes flashed and he slapped Obi-Wan with an open hand, not hard, but firmly.

It was, perhaps, no more than such a blatantly disrespectful statement warranted, but had he done it to discipline, or out of anger?

Qui-Gon agonized over the question, reliving the moment. He couldn't remember. What he could remember were Obi-Wan's blue-green eyes filling with tears that the thirteen-year-old only just kept from falling.

     *Flashback*

     Hurt, anger and confusion mingled on the young Jedi's face as he held his smarting cheek, refusing to meet Qui-Gon's eyes.

     Qui-Gon backed off, what in the Sith was he doing?! I'm sorry Obi-Wan," he said softly, meaning so much more than just the blow. "I thought we
     could work together, I thought... but it seems I was wrong." Qui-Gon's deep blue eyes were etched with pain, and defeat. He was losing control
     of himself. If he could react this way, then he had no business trying to train a Padawan.

     That was not the message that came through to Obi-Wan. To him it seemed that Qui-Gon was rejecting him because of his perceived misdeeds.

     The boy's lips tried to form words, tried to explain, to deny what Qui-Gon was thinking, what it looked like he had done, but his voice refused to
     work. Would Qui-Gon really leave him?

     "I have a job to do," Qui-Gon's voice became tense. He had better leave now; he was only going to make things worse if he continued to lose
     control this way. "I don't know what you're going to do," he turned his back on the boy and walked away, leaving Obi-Wan alone in the middle of
     the huge, empty courtyard.

Qui-Gon started as a flicker of dark, menacing evil interrupted his unhappy memories. He knew whose it was, by now he recognized the dark trail that Xanatos left.

The Jedi's senses pricked up, searching, probing... but no, Xanatos was not here, but he had *been* here, not too long ago, and for some reason, he wanted Qui-Gon to know he had.

Qui-Gon's stomach froze. Obi-Wan. Had Xanatos come upon Obi-Wan, all alone here? Had he left Obi-Wan in such danger and not realized it?

Something resting on the ledge of one of the courtyard's crumbling walls caught his attention. As he approached, Qui-Gon realized that it was meant to catch his attention and the Force signature was definitely Xanatos'.

A sleek black cylinder, roughly the size and width of a shoebox, sat on the old wall as if daring him to pick it up.

Qui-Gon regarded it cautiously before approaching. He knew that Xanatos had a penchant for explosives and had no wish to be blown sky high by some kind of booby trap. Yet somehow, he doubted that Xanatos would be so obvious.

When he was about three paces away from the object, a holo image, activated by the motion of his approach, flicked on and Qui-Gon found himself confronted with a three-quarters-life-size image of his fallen former apprentice.

"Greetings, Master Qui-Gon," Xanatos' voice turned the title into a mockery. "You came here looking for that little brat you drag along with you, didn't you? I'm sorry to say he can't join you, but then, you're probably not too sorry to hear it. I've done you a favor really. Dealing with him is obviously nothing but a headache for you. Was any apprentice ever anything but a thing to you? An object for you to use, and then discard if they got in your way?" Xanatos taunted him from the holo, obviously the fallen Jedi still liked to hear the sound of his own voice.

"I grow weary of this continued pursuit of yours. Time and again you and that boy have gotten in my way. Well, no more. I don't think you care, but would you like to know what happened to the boy? Just for curiosities sake?" Xanatos carried on the conversation just as if Qui-Gon were really before him.

"No? My, my Qui-Gon, you are heartless. Well, watch and see anyway. See what you left him to face alone when you walked out on him and betrayed all the misguided trust he put in you. Watch and see..."

Xanatos' image wavered and disappeared, replaced bythat of Obi-Wan. The boy was obviously unaware that he was being recorded. His neck was craned up as if in conversation with someone above whom Qui-Gon could not see.

Qui-Gon saw Obi-Wan press his lips together in a tight line, his grip tightening savagely on the handle of his lightsaber. *"Everything you've ever said has been a lie Xanatos!"* he heard the apprentice shout upward at his unseen tormenter. "Qui-Gon did not betray you. You betrayed him! Just like I did," the young Jedi's voice
dropped miserably, choked by the huge lump in his throat.

Qui-Gon's heart wrenched.

"Isn't that touching?" Xanatos' voice sneered, cutting in over the recording. "After all you did to him, he was still so loyal to you. Stupid maybe, but oh, so
loyal, even after you dumped him. You didn't deserve one like that Jinn, you'd have destroyed him like you destroyed me." Xanatos' voice was dark and angry now.

Qui-Gon did not like the way Xanatos kept using past tense; it made a creeping fear rise up inside him like a bubble.

Qui-Gon saw the glowing eyes appear around Obi-Wan, saw the boy's desperate struggle to survive, saw, in the end, the hideous swarm overcome Obi-Wan.
"No!" his heart cried desperately. "No!" but there was nothing he could do but stand there and watch the horrible specter in tortured silence.

Xanatos' spectral form floated down from above and the creatures scattered as if on cue, leaving Obi-Wan lying senseless on the ground, his blood pooling beneath him. Was he dead? Qui-Gon couldn't tell. It seemed to the Master as if his heart had stopped beating, as if his blood had turned to ice in his veins.

"Did you enjoy this Master Jinn?" Xanatos mocked bitterly. "What's the matter? Too weak to cut him out of your life the same way you cut him out of your heart? It is you that have killed him Qui-Gon; I merely serve as your executioner." Xanatos ignited his crimson blade, raising it ominously above Obi-Wan's still form as he spoke.

Abruptly he let it fall, arcing downward with deadly intent.

The picture disappeared with a buzz of static and a small compartment in the side of the black case popped open. A dull, cylindrical object rolled out and fell to the ground below. Qui-Gon stooped to pick it up stiffly, his mind frozen in horrified grief, his body moving on auto pilot. He already knew what it was before his fingers closed around it.

It was Obi-Wan's lightsaber.

The handle was stained red and slippery with blood that had not yet dried. Obi-Wan's blood. Fear clung to it like a living essence. Fear and pain.

Qui-Gon's hands tightened around the stained hilt until his knuckles turned white. "Xanatos," he breathed the word bitterly, as if it were the worst curse he could think of.
Sheer, crushing guilt slammed down upon his shoulders. Yoda had been right. He was going after Xanatos for personal reasons. Not revenge, he didn't want revenge, he wanted him stopped, but how much had he been willing to sacrifice to achieve that goal? Was it worth this? Was Xanatos right? Had his pride, his loss of control earlier
and his lack of trust killed Obi-Wan?

Qui-Gon stared numbly at the lightsaber in his hands, haunted by the ghost of the earnest, bright-eyed boy it had belonged to only a few short hours ago.