Losing Grip 03: Everyone Knows

It was almost 4 o'clock in the morning, and Benji was lying, still
fully awake, in his bunk. Usually by now the road noise or the sound
of The Smiths emminnating from Joel's bunk would've put him to sleep,
but not tonight. He had too much running through his mind. He tried so
hard to forget the days events, the information he had been given, and
the past he tried hard to forget, but it was no use...his mind kept
going back to it all.

Benji had told everyone that playing two shows at Identity would be no
big deal. Part of him wanted to beleive that his friends beleived him,
but deep down he knew they didn't. How could they? He tried so hard to
avoid Brynn for the last year that his own sister had to lie to him
saying Brynn no longer lived in town, just so he would visit.

Everyone knew that was a lie. They all knew that Brynn never moved
and, in fact, they all knew that Brynn worked for Identity. Everyone...
including Benji. He had found out a while back when he borrowed Laura's
lap top and stumbled across some saved e-mails between her and Brynn.
He didn't bother to say anything to anyone. Things were finally normal
again, and he didn't want to make a big deal out of nothing. After all
he would never be going back to Identity...or so he thought.

Now here he was, hours away from pulling into town and a day away from
having to face Brynn at the club. The last time he had seen her didn't
end on a very pleasant note...it didn't start on a pleasant one either.

Benji turned on his side and clutched his pillow in his arms. At the
thought of that day his throat tightened and his eyes welled up with
tears. He closed his eyes as the events of that day came rushing back.

*flashback*

It had been a long day. Good Charlotte was playing a radio station
concert with a couple of other bands. Chad and Steve from New Found
Glory showed up to hang out. They brought Laura and Brynn with them.
Benji had spotted Brynn a few times during the day hanging out with
Tony, the lead singer from Mest. Despite the fact his ex-girlfriend
had showed up at the show and was hanging out with one of his best
friends, Benji was doing pretty good. Later that night after the show,
and after a substancial amount of alcohol, he felt different about the
situation.

Benji witnessed the whole thing from the doorway he was standing in.
He watched every last painful moment. He watched as his so-called
best friend Tony pulled Brynn down on his lap. He watched Brynn run
her hand up Tony's cheek bone, pulling him close to her. And he
watched as their lips met and tounges slipped inside each others
mouths.

That was the last straw. He couldn't bare to see anymore. Benji
quickly shot back the rest of the Jack Daniels in the pint he was
holding and stumbled over to the couch. In one swift, but rough
movement he grabbed Brynn by the wrist, pulled her off of Tony's lap
and threw her up against the wall. Brynn's body slid down the wall to
the floor. She sat there stunned, grabbing her side which was cut by
a screw sticking out of the wall. Tony jumped up to confront Benji
but was suprised when Benji turned and punched him in the jaw,
knocking Tony back onto the sofa.

Benji turned his attention back to Brynn, still sitting on the floor.
"You fuckin ho!" He screamed at her. His body full of anger and his
speech more than slightly slurred. "Your nothing but a slut! Who else
did you whore yourself out to?"

Brynn fought to hold in her tears and catch her breath.

"My own fucking best friend. Who else did you cheat on me with?" Benji
demanded.

As soon as the last statement left Benji's lips Brynn regained control
of herself and stood looking Benji in the eyes.

"Who!?" he screamed once more.

Brynn ignored the question. "Is this how your dad treated your mom?"
She didn't wait for a response, she knew she wouldn't get one anyway.
"Your just like him. Look at you. Your drunk off your ass and let me
remind you that your the one who cheated on me." Brynn looked around
the room at the crowd of people that had gathered around and then back
at Benji. "I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree does it?"

Benji stared at Brynn without saying a word. When she felt that she'd
gotten her point across to Benji she turned and walked out of the
room...Tony close behind her.

*end flashback*

After Brynn had left that night, Benji had a major breakdown on the
bus. It was so bad that the next date on their tour had to be
cancelled and Joel even had to have their sister Sara flown out so
she could help console Benji. He had never felt so bad in his life,
nor had he been so hateful to someone that he loved (even if she
didn't love him back anymore). It was because of that night, his
drunken actions, and the fear that maybe Brynn was right about him
being like his father, that made him give up alcohol. He hadn't had
a drink since.

                         
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