Experience of Pregnancy Loss...
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Pregnancy loss is a fact of life in our family, my maternal Grandmother lost her second child, a daughter shortly after birth. She went on to have another 3 children (all daughters). My mother, after having me, experienced 8 miscarriages - at various stages of pregnancy - all this occured before I was 5 years old. She went on to have two successful pregnancies (a boy and a girl). Pregnancy loss was always discussed in our family, it wasn't taboo. We all knew that my mother had had the miscarriages.
What struck me after my own losses was that the woman that I had expected to understand, more than anyone else in the world, was my mother. Yet in reality she was remote and often avoided conversation with me. The mention of our son's names results in a change of topic. My mother does not acknowledge her grandsons, yet she was present at the birth of one and was his sponsor at his baptism, just hours after birth. My mother has shown no emotion towards me as a result of my losses. She told me that I need to get on with my life, like she had done. I can't just forget my son's, they are a part of my life, no matter how short their lives were.
My father has told me that my losses have brought up the emotions and feelings of her own loss. I don't see that as my fault. I am being made to feel guilty for something that I have no control over. I understand that when she experienced her losses, it was just swept under the carpet, like it never happened and she was sent home to try and get pregnant again. I don't beleive that she has ever dealt with her own loss which makes my losses even more difficult for her to deal with.
I thought of all people, I would be able to discuss my loss with my mother. That we shared not only the mother-daughter bond but also a history of pregnancy loss.
What, if any were your experiences of pregnancy loss prior to your own loss? Did a family member or friend suffer from pregnancy loss? How did this impact on your own loss?
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