| Odessa Files |
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| This document, bearing the seal of the High Smiley Face, is officially ridiculous and anyone who takes it seriously will be immediately garroted with dental floss. |
| TORA! TORA! TORA! |
| Volume 3 Issue 5 4/9/03 |
| "Survivor: Iraq" Dominates Reality Television By Master Justin |
| BAGHDAD�Ratings for Survivor: Iraq have officially surpassed all other reality TV shows, making it the most successful show of its genre in history. The show, which began in mid March, stars a cadre of Iraqi generals and politicians who must survive in a landscape under attack from hostile outside forces. One by one they are being �thrown off the I-Land� and viewers remain glued to their seats as the final episodes approach. �This was such a great idea,� said viewer Randy Nast. �I was getting tired of these sissy island shows and dating games. Now that guns and death have been thrown into the mix, I can�t get enough!� It is funny that Nast referred to the original Survivor, since the Survivor team is not responsible for the current show. In fact, Survivor: Iraq is sponsored by the US government, much to the chagrin of Survivor producer Mark Burnett. �They�re stealing my revenue!� Burnett raged. �This was my baby, and the media�s turning it into their own project! What kind of world do we live in when a guy can�t even make money off the mass exploitation polices he founded?� Survivor: Iraq is hosted by General Tommy Franks, a capable US military officer, and co-stars Donald Rumsfeld and Colin Powell, who set up the Immunity Challenges for the Iraqi �Republican Guard� tribe, which is apparently at the mercy of a crafty alliance between Saddam Hussein and his two sons. Despite the show�s overwhelming popularity in America, its following in Iraq is decidedly smaller. �I wish they would not have their Immunity Challenges so close to my home,� said non-participant Omar Khalid. �I have a wife and kids to worry about, you know.� �This show represents all American values and ideals,� said producer George W. Bush. �Watch it...for freedom�s sake.� |
| Feminists Launch Anti-Florida Campaign By Baron Vince |
| HARVARD�Recently aroused by the Harvard �snow penis� extreme feminist groups throughout the U.S. have risen together in passionate support of a new policy: the destruction of Florida. �Florida is a symbol of male supremacy,� said extremist Karen Hodges of Feminists United, or �F.U.� �Women must band together to unhorse the male tyrant from his seat of power and transform the entire world into a bastion of feminine solidarity!� �The phallic Florida has dictated American policy in the recent election,� said Ariel Sutton, Hodges� comrade, �just as the Florida on every man dictates their actions. It is time to castrate America once and for all! Down with Florida!� However most females, and men in general, decried the anti-Florida campaign as foolish. �Come on, it�s America�s wang,� protested Homer J. Simpson. |