I'm all but snowed in up here in Stroudsburg. I could get out, but all that's waiting are mini-mountains of snow and lots of coldness...I think I'll stay inside with my hot chocolate and computer, thankyouverymuch.
Snow always gets me thinking. I'm not sure why, maybe because it's all while and pure like a clean sheet of paper that's just waiting for you to put your thoughts down on it...or maybe it reminds me of all the crack you guys think I must smoke to do the things that I do. Either way, it makes me think.
I've been thinking a lot lately and last week I just threw out a random question in my AIM profile asking "Is anyone happy?" and I got a lot of interesting responses. It seems to me that 2003 has sucked for a great deal of other people out there and no, they're not happy either.
Without getting philosophical on everyone (number one because I can't do it, it hurts my brain and number two, no one wants a lecture from a chick with a brain that hurts) I've been trying to be happy, but probably not in the right way. I've been throwing myself head first into my work figuring that if I'm busy and occupied, I wont have time to realized that I'm NOT happy...of course, the only thing that comes of all that is that I become stressed out on top of not being happy.
I've had a great deal of long talks with a lot of people I hold near and dear to my heart...people that aren't going to pat me on the head, give me a cookie and tell me to run along and play. These are some very vicious people...and that's why I love them. They know that when they tell me what they think that it's going to hurt my feelings, but they also know that it's better to hurt my feelings to hopefully resolve the situation than to allow me to keep heading down my own little self-destructive path which can only result in my hurting myself worse.
What a depressing entry, huh?
I'm not trying to bum everyone out so everyone is unhappy with me (misery loves company, right?) but I'm trying to thank all of the awesome people out there who have been trying to straighten out the fucked up life of Meg and who are still hanging around and standing by me despite the fact that things aren't getting fixed as quickly as we'd like them to.
A wise Aaron once said (well, actually it was last night, but it sounds a lot more deep and profound if I say it like that) "There's right, there's wrong, there's Meg. Meg is just something that is either so wrong or so right it is just beyond belief" And while that quote amuses me because I've always like that fact that I don't really fall into a distinct category, the whole being wrong beyond belief isn't so great. I don't like being a bad person, and I've just been an absolute shithead to everyone since November and I'm not acting like that person that I believe I really am and this is not the person I want to be...
The hard part is just going to be changing myself into that person instead of sitting here in purgatory and saying "Oh, I need to fix things" and then running off, fucking things up and saying "I really shouldn't have done that...I need to change" and continuing the cycle all over again.
NO MORE BEING A FUCK-UP IN 2003
Hell, with a slogan like that, I could run for President.