The Hobbes Nebula
Title: THE HOBBES NEBULA
Author: Aura-z
Author’s e-mail: [email protected]
Date: 09.07.03
Archive: EntSTFic, MEGA
Fandom: Star Trek Enterprise
Category: het
Rating: PG13
Pairing: T’pol/Tucker, Phlox/Sato Implied.
Disclaimer: all characters belong to Paramount, I don’t own any of them. Non profit fic.
Summary: Mayweather gets the Enterprise into trouble and the Captain passes out.
Author’s notes: Um, just a bit of light hearted fun this one, I wrote this age’s ago after a few beer’s, sorry bout’ me. Feedback more than welcome.
‘Hmmmm . . .’ Said Captain Jonathan Archer,
screwing his face up in an intense moment of deep confusion that only he had
yet mastered, ‘So what you’re saying, is that bad things are going to happen to
us until we’re on the other side of the big pink cloud? Yes?’
T’pol glared at him with an expression of
total annoyance playing across her face, she clenched her fists together and
tried again.
‘Captain, the ‘big pink cloud’ is infact a
Hobbes Nebula, a very rare phenomenon not yet fully explained. It some how
affects the part of the brain that deals with our conscience and is able to
make guilty thoughts regarding recent events seem like a reality. Until we
reach the other side of the Nebula we are likely to experience strange
occurrences regarding events or people that we may carry negative emotions
about.’
‘Like guilty hallucinations.’ Said Doctor
Phlox helpfully over the Com where’d he’d been happily eavesdropping on the
conversation.
The bridge crew looked on as their Captain’s
brow furrowed beyond normal physical ability. Lt Reed thought that if it hadn’t
had been for the sound of the Sub Commander grinding her teeth together, they
might have heard the Captains brain ticking over.
‘This doesn’t sound good’ Said Archer
eventually ‘How long until we reach the other side of the cloud?’
‘Just a few hours Captain’ replied T’pol
‘Will we all be able to see other people’s
hallucination’s as well as our own?’
‘For some bizarre unexplainable reason, yes
Captain’.
‘Will you be affected?’
T’pol sighed and the patiently continued.
‘I am a Vulcan Captain, it is my job to be
immune.’
‘Bitch’ muttered Archer.
‘What I don’t get,’ Said Ensign Hoshi Sato
suddenly, ‘Is why we flew into this Nebula in the first place?’
All eyes turned toward Mayweather who had
thus far managed to stay out of things, just for a change.
‘Yeah’ Sneered Lt Reed suspiciously ‘And if
its so far to the other side, why don’t we just fly around it, or over it eh?’
Mayweather looked at him incredulously ‘You
can’t fly around things in space you idiot! There’s rules to be followed you
know!’
‘What rules?’ Said Reed, a cruel smile
playing across his lips. ‘Mayweathers space rule on how to get everyone killed
and annoy the pants off them before doing so?’
Hoshi giggled and grinned in Malcolm’s
direction.
‘Don’t encourage him Ensign’ Rebuked T’pol
sternly.
Just then the Doctors strangled cries were
heard over the Com. ‘Phlox to bridge! Get security to sickbay now! We’re being
invaded by aliens with strange bumpy foreheads! They’re everywhere! Argh!’
Archer jumped out of his chair ‘Hang on Doc,
Try to fight them off or something!’ The Doctors frantic voice crackled over
the Com.
‘Bugger that! I’m off to hide!’
‘Mayweather you have the bridge, and make
sure no one steals it this time right?’ Said Archer addressing the ships only
pilot.
‘Yes sir, but that really wasn’t my fault
last time you know.’
‘Shut up!’
‘Yes sir’
Just as the Captain turned to leave, Hoshi
gasped in terror pointing at something slimy that was slowly squelching it’s
way across her console. Reed dashed to her rescue but stopped short when he
clapped eyes on the offending blob of mucus.
‘What the bloody hell’s that?’ He asked.
Hoshi was almost in tears by now; her voice
was all whiney.
‘Its … Its … Sluggo, and he’s come back to
haunt me!’
Security, which consisted of all the Bridge
crew unarmed, finally made it to sickbay. They were greeted by a great number
of bumpy headed aliens sitting around the place fiddling with instruments and
jumping on the bio beds. Phlox was found hiding in a cupboard.
‘They look kinda familiar don’t they?’ Said
Reed, wondering if he should incapacitate them all so the Captain could take a
closer look.
The Captain glanced out from behind the
safety of his only security officer.
‘Ooh Ooh I know this one!’ He said excitedly
pointing and waving his finger in the direction on the alien’s. T’pol arched an
eyebrow and decided to steal his thunder.
‘Yes Captain, The Valakian’s. They were on
the path to extinction and were to be succeeded by the second dominant race on
their planet.’ Archer threw her a disgruntled look.
‘The Minks, yes I remember that well.’ He
said glaring at Phlox now. T’pol sighed heavily.
‘No sir, The Menk. Minks are a small
stoat-like animal farmed for their fur.’
‘Bitch’ muttered Archer, and then continued
raucously. ‘Yes Doctor you’ve got yourself a case of the Valakian’s here.’ He
slapped the Doctor on the back and beamed at him.
‘The Valakian’s?’ choked the Doctor still
recovering from the backslapping.
‘Yes, you remember Phlox’ Said Archer ‘That
race that you cold-heartedly left to die in the first season, obviously this
big pink cloud ‘thingie’ is making you see Valakians. Phlox looked puzzled for
a moment and then realisation dawned on him.
‘Oh them!’ He exclaimed ‘But that doesn’t
make any sense at all, I don’t have a guilty conscience about them.’
‘What not at all?’
‘Nope.’
‘Bastard.’
T’pol interrupted them, ‘Under the
circumstances Captain, it is logical to assume that the only reason that Phlox
is seeing the Valakians is because of his unchallenged lack of respect or care
regarding anything he does in sickbay. The Hobbes Nebula could obviously not
find anything else for the good Doctor to hallucinate about.’ Phlox shrugged
and nodded in agreement.
‘Yeah, that sounds plausible’ Said Archer not
taking his eyes off Phlox. ‘But what I don’t get is why everyone keeps calling
him the "good Doctor" I mean a whole race down the plughole, just
like that!’
‘Hey, leave him alone! It wasn’t his fault!’
said Hoshi joining the conversation in Phlox’s defence. ‘They were already as
good as dead long before the Doctor withheld the cure.’
‘Err, thanks Hoshi’ Said Phlox in a hushed
voice.
Hoshi leaned closer to him whispering in his
ear, ‘We’ve got bigger problems Doctor, Sluggo’s back.’
‘What that horrible little slimy, gooey slug
thing that we left sitting in the sun without a second thought on that
incredibly hostile planet?’
‘Yeah, that’s him.’
‘Bugger that, I’m off to hide!’
‘Cool, I’ll join you.’ They headed off out of
sickbay together leaving the Captain staring after them.
‘Wow.’ Said Archer trying to sound as serious
as possible. ‘Hoshi’s seeing slugs and the Doc’s seeing Valakian’s, I wonder
who’ll be next?’
Meanwhile back on the Bridge…
‘I can’t believe you left me son, left me to
die on that bloody ship with yer mother blabbering away endlessly in my ear.
What kind of son are ya huh?, Well I hope ya feel sorry now that I’m gone ya
miserable little git.’ Travis was only half listening as the apparition of his
dead father ranted on. The other half of his concentration was focussed on the
Bridge’s answering machine, which was currently receiving reports from
distressed crewmembers, experiencing Nebula induced hallucinations. The
Captains happy voice bounced around the Bridge.
‘Hi!, I’m afraid none of the Bridge crew are
in right now, so if you’d like to leave your name and rank after the tone, I’ll
personally make sure that someone else gets back to you. Thanks.’
The only crewmember not complaining sat
calmly in Engineering, looking appraisingly at the vision before him.
‘Err, T’pol, how come you’re not wearing any
clothes, not that I’m complaining mind, just curious.’ Commander Trip Charlie
Tucker the Third etc.etc, grinned from ear to ear as he admired the slender
form of the naked Vulcan before him. She arched her eyebrow at him, not that he
noticed.
‘I’m not real you dolt! I’m just a
hallucination from the Hobbes Nebula.
‘Aw, comon darlin, don’t be shy, they look
real to me.’ He gave the unreal T’pol another encouraging smile as she folded
her arms and looked disdainfully at him. At that moment the doors to
Engineering
swished open admitting the Captain and Bridge
crew.
‘What in the name of quantum leaping is going
on Trip?’ Exclaimed Archer, trying to take in as much of the scene as possible
without passing out.
‘Sweeeeet.’ Said Malcolm nodding and
gesturing at the abashed looking real Sub Commander who stood next to him.
‘Mr Tucker! I demand an explanation
immediatley!’ T’pol’s voice was shaking with fury and she glowered at her
unreal naked self.
‘Well it’s kinda like this, you’re like
totally hot, sooooo I may have pictured you naked on the odd occasion.’ He
still had his gaze fixed dreamily on the hallucination before him. The Captain
was starting to sway from side to side and was only kept from falling over by
his lone security officer.
‘The odd occasion?’ Hissed T’pol trying to
ignore Malcolms sniggering behind her.
‘Well, a few times yes. Well, more than a few
times actually. Well, lots.’
‘Lots!’
‘Yeah, sorry.’
The unreal T’pol sighed in a bored fashion
and unfolded her arms. There was a loud thump as the Captain hit the deck
plating.
‘Ooops’ Said Malcoln ‘took my eyes off him
for a moment there. Man the Doc’s gonna throw a bender when he finds out he
missed this!’
‘Mr Tucker!’ Screamed T’pol pointing
frantically at the naked apparition.
‘What? I can’t make it go away. Its only
there in the first place cos I had the decency to feel guilty about my
thoughts, the Nebula was obviously able to detect that.’
‘He’s got a good point there’ Said Malcolm
supportively. T’pol looked totally quashed.
‘It’s still not right! And it’s demeaning for
me’ She replied in a sulky fashion.
‘She’s got two good points there’ said
Malcolm. T’pol nodded curtly at him.
‘Thank you Lieutenant’.
‘I meant the other T’pol’
‘Bastard’ Muttered Archer from the floor.
As they departed Engineering Trip put his arm
around Malcolm in a friendly fashion.
‘So buddy, what you been hallucinating about
then?’ Malcolm looked at him shrewdly before answering.
‘Tribble’s mate, thousands of them.’
‘Where?’ said Trip glancing around ‘I don’t
see em.’
‘Nah, they’re back in my quarters covering
everything in tribble hair the little buggers.’ Trip looked at him with a
puzzled expression on his face.
‘Why the hell are you feeling guilty about
tribble’s?’ He asked. Malcolm looked at him sheepishly.
‘The Doc’s been letting me use them for
target practise.’
T’POL’S PERSONAL LOG, STARDATE SG1:
Hate this ship and all its crew. PAUSE.
Except for the chief Engineer, He’s well fit! I think he likes me too. PAUSE.
Oh, and the dog, he’s well cute. PAUSE. We are almost out of the Hobbes Nebula
now, only a few more minutes to go and then all hallucinations should cease.
Noticed the Captain didn’t have any. PAUSE. Not sure what to make of that,
maybe he has a well thick skull. PAUSE. Have also learnt to put the word ‘well’
infront of adjective’s to give them more impact. END.
Meanwhile in the pitch black of one of
Enterprise’s heating ducts two crewmembers had stripped down to their underwear
on account of it being really hot.
‘Only a few more minutes to go Ensign and
then we can crawl out of here.’ Said Phlox cheerfully.
‘There’s no rush Doctor, besides this is kind
of cosy don’t you think?’ Hoshi’s voice was wavering slightly.
‘Umm, no, not really. Its dark and scary, and
I want to get home to my bat.’
‘Well I’d rather stay here and let you carry
on licking my thigh,’ She giggled nervously. Phlox’s reply turned the duct
suddenly cold.
‘I’m not licking your thigh Ensign.’
Their terrified screams were heard all over
the ship.
‘SLUGGO!!!’