You Can Keep Your Hat On
TITLE: You
Can Keep Your Hat On
AUTHOR: Zoë
EMAIL; [email protected]
RATING: PG for…well, you will see ;-)
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, Im a poor nurse, I have no money, don’t sue, please.
ARCHIVE: MEGA, EntSTSlash, ReedsArmoury anywhere else, if you want it, take it, just let me know where, please
FEEDBACK: Yes please, beg grovel!
AUTHORS NOTE:
Loads of thanks to Sue C for the beta, and to Louise J
SUMMARY: Just
a piece of fluff (hmm, like I do anything else?? Haha) for whiling away the
time till Enterprise returns.
Five men were
standing in a fairly small changing area. It was well lit, but would have been
more roomy had there been one fewer person milling about it. There were a
couple of chairs to one side, but none of the men appeared interested in
sitting down.
“So, tell me again, who’s
bright idea was this, then?” one of them grumbled.
“Hey, I don’t know what yer
so worried about. Ya look great!” a second man chimed in.
“I think we all look great!”
The third man beamed round the room at the others. “Particularly myself…look
at my muscles.” He flexed an arm for them to admire.
The fourth man groaned.
“You’re going to show us up, aren’t you? I just know it. Why did I listen to
you all? Why did I agree to this?”
“Blackmail,” the succinct
reply came back, from the fifth man in the room.
The knock on the door made
them all jump. “Are you all ready in there?” a female voice asked, “Only
we’re getting impatient!”
They could almost see the
grin through the door.
“Yeah, we’re coming. Come on
team, let’s get this over with.”
The second man opened the
door, and was met by Hoshi, who took one look at them, and struggled to hold
back her laughter.
“Don’t even THINK about it,
Hoshi,” man number one admonished.
“I’m…I’m…sorry…um…see you
later!” and off she dashed, finally releasing her giggles.
The five men slowly followed
the retreating ensign. Only one of the men was holding his head up high…the
rest of the group were looking extremely nervous.
As they made their way to the
makeshift stage, they heard Hoshi clomp her way across the stage. And heard
the cheering, and clapping.
“Oh dear god, I’m never going
to live this down.”
“Nor me…how can I ever look
them in the eye again? Or give orders again?”
“Oh, shut yer yaps. Let’s
just do this, and get it over with.”
The cheering and clapping
increased in volume, and a flushed Hoshi came through the curtains. “Ok,
‘boys’, time to go. Your public awaits!”
“Are the lights very very dim
and the curtains drawn to start off with?” one of them queried.
Biting her lip to prevent the
tittering she knew would occur, Hoshi just nodded.
Taking deep breaths, the five
men climbed up on the stage, and took their positions.
The curtains opened, the
lights went up, and the music started. As the strains of Tom Jones’ “You Can
Leave Your Hat On” filled the room, five sets of backs started wiggling and
jiggling.
Screams and applause almost
drowned out the music.The audience could hardly believe their eyes as on
stage, one by one, the men turned around,
still dancing in tune to the music.
Malcolm Reed, Trip Tucker,
Travis Mayweather, Jonathan Archer and Michael Rostov were the gang of five
wiggling and dancing to the music.
They were dressed up in tight
black leather trousers, tight black shirts, with three buttons undone, and,
what the audience would eventually see, a shiny red leather thong.
Trip grabbed Malcolm at the
same time Michael grabbed Travis, and they dipped their respective partners
down as low as they dared. Jonathan Archer continued to grind, and removed his
shirt. As Malcolm and Travis returned to an upright position, the foursome
also removed their shirts.
Ignoring the jeering and
catcalls, they had managed to get almost to the end of the song, and wound up
in a straight line. As one, they grabbed hold of the waistbands of their
trousers, paused for a second, and then whipped them off, to reveal their tiny
thongs. After parading around the stage to show front off as well as back,
they departed to the sanctity of their changing room.
The noise level in the room
reached proportions of a magnitude never before heard on the NX01. The crowd
was standing up, cheering, clapping, yelling and waving.
“More, more, more, more,
more!”
“We want more, we want more!”
“We want The Nxers, we want
the Nxers…”
Five tired, sweaty, almost
naked men glanced at each other in horror.
“Surely, they don’t want…”
Malcolm’s previously flushed face paled as he thought of what they obviously
DID want.
“No, they
wouldn’t…couldn’t…could they?” Archer’s terror was increasing as he realized
what Malcolm was saying.
“They can…and they will. Specially
if we don’t deliver!” Travis looked unworried.
“Oh. My. God. Are they
NEVER satisfied? I, for one, am refusing to go back out there!” And, crossing
his arms, Malcolm carefully stepped backwards until he reached the wall.
Smirking, Trip Tucker glanced
down towards his thong, and back up again. “Well, I for one don’t have
anything to worry about. How about you Rostov?”
“Um…well,” Rostov pulled
his shoulders back and looked at Trip, “no, no I haven’t!”
“Excuse me? Are you casting
aspersions on the Reed Jewels?”
Snorting, Trip almost
collapsed. “The…Reed Jewels?? Hahahahha, oh that’s a good ‘un.”
“Ahem, let’s not just stand
here arguing who has the biggest and who has the smallest. What are we gonna
do? If we do go out there, we will never be able to hold our heads up in
public again, well, we will, but with embarrassment. If we DON’T go out there,
they will either lynch us, or make us out to have nothing because we daren’t go
out. So, boys, I think we only have one choice!” Travis smugly finished his
outburst.
Trip grinned and agreed.
Malcolm and Jon glanced quickly at one another, their shoulders drooping in
resignation.
“Damn, how did I know you
were going to say that?” Malcolm muttered.
“Do you think anyone would
mind if I backed out now? I mean, its not very…becoming…of a captain to show his…his,”
Jon blushed deeply, “his…” Jon faltered, his hand waving across his genital
area.
Four voices shouted “NO!”
“If Im doing it, sir, then so
are you!” Malcolm insisted.
Sighing, Jon gave in.
“C’mon then, boys, let’s
go…otherwise we’ll get that lynching we don’t deserve!” Trip led the
recalcitrant group back out and up the short corridor, where Hoshi was waiting.
“Well, I take it you are gonna
go for the full monty then?” she queried, a huge grin on her face.
“Can I just say, at this
juncture, that I protested and had my protest overruled?” Jon felt he had to
make his thoughts clear.
“Noted. Now, are you ready
again?” Without waiting for a reply, Hoshi clambered back on the stage to the
delighted shouts of the audience.
“If you are all ready, here,
for your enjoyment again, are The Nxers…”
Once again, the five climbed
onto the stage and took their places. As the music started (The Stripper, this
time, much to Malcolm and Jon’s chagrin), they repeated some of their first
act, wiggling and grinding.
First to the front of the
stage to remove his thong was Travis. He kneeled in front of the lustful
audience, ran his hands down his well built chest, flexed his biceps a couple
of times, then, to a huge cheer, pulled off his thong. He stood up and slowly,
proudly sauntered off stage.
Next up was Malcolm. He
turned his back to the audience, pulled off his thong, and swiftly turned
around, giving them only a quick glance of the Reed Jewels, then virtually ran
off stage, barely hearing the audiences groan of disappointment.
Rostov dove to the front, removed his thong…heard the
laughter, blushed bright red and also ran off stage.
Trip slowly, sexily moved up
front, much to the delight of the audience. In the true stripper form, he ran
his hands up and down his body, circling his nipples with his fingers, running
his hands through his hair before, finally, removing his thong, and standing
there smugly. Well, he was smug before he heard someone in the crowd shout,
“Call that a dick?” Flustered, he exited the stage, muttering insults about
that audience member.
This left one person on
stage…a very worried Jonathan Archer. He moved to the front, warily staring
out, and decided to just go for it. The red thong removed, he stood there,
waiting for the laughter.
The gasping and stage
whispers of, “have you ever seen one that big before” made Jon’s chest swell a
little, and ever so slightly, he stood a little more proudly, and a
self-satisfied look appeared on his face.
He stalked off the stage, and
Hoshi thanked god that she had the presence of mind to make some trade-ins for
Jon’s stage whispers and Trip’s laughter. She knew the two men well, and knew
that Trip was often boastful of his ‘lunchbox’, much to Jon’s chagrin. It was,
she felt, definitely worth a few night shifts, to hear Trip being taken down a
peg or two.
Backstage, there was arguing
amongst the men, particularly Trip and Jon.
“I can’t believe the bastards
LAUGHED!” Trip was shocked.
“I heard someone say how
they’d never seen one so big before.” Jon couldn’t help himself, he had to
brag.
“Oh, jest pipe down. They
were obviously drunk as skunks.” Trip glared at Jon.
“Drunk? No way! They knew
quantity!” Jon answered back, ready for a fight.
Before they could start,
Malcolm butted in. “Come on, you two. Does it really matter? We did it, its
over – I, for one, am glad of that – and we can go to bed.”
Rostov entered the conversation. “And at least they didn’t
laugh at you!” He was still mortified at that.
Travis stood back and let
them argue. He knew he had the biggest; he had nothing to argue about! Plus
he had won the bet he and Liz Cutler had – that he couldn’t get four of the
senior staff up on stage to strip. Obviously, he had had to join in, but that
hadn’t worried him. All he had wanted was to win the prized bottle of cognac
that Liz had put forward as the prize, confident as she was that no way would
he be able to win it.
He couldn’t wait to get his
hands on the liquor. Although, he had to say, he was even more interested in
getting his hands on the girl - and he was sure she would be interested back –
even more so now she had seen what he had to offer!