Payment in Full - Chapter 12 TITLE:                       PAYMENT IN FULL- CHAPTER 12
AUTHOR:                 PIPPIN
RATING:                   NC-17 (to be on the safe side)
PAIRING:                  Archer/Trip

SETTING:                 Minor spoilers:  "Stigma"; "First Flight" and "The Expanse".  Set after the events of "Savior".

FEEDBACK:            Always!  [email protected] 

DISCLAIMER:         Paramount owns the characters. I’m just borrowing them, and promise to return them safe and sound.  The only thing I gain from this is some writing practice.

SUMMARY:              Everything has a price.




Chapter 12


Take that!  Wham!  Another hit.  And another.  And that!  But no matter how hard he struck, it didn’t help.  The punching bag bounced back, resilient and ready for more, whereas Archer was getting tired.  His energy, fuelled by rage, was giving way, but the rage itself burned as pure and clear and hot as it did when he first started.  He threw another punch.  And another.  One more, and he groaned aloud.  It felt like he had finally pushed too hard; his shoulder muscles were starting to protest.

It was then a mild voice inquired, “Had enough?”

Startled, he whirled around in a defensive crouch to find Phlox leaning against the wall, calmly watching.  He straightened up.  “How long have you been there?”

“Long enough.”

“Shouldn’t you be with Trip?”

“Commander Tucker is back in your quarters.  He is resting comfortably.”

Archer shook his head.  “He shouldn’t be alone.  Not after what he’s been through.”

“And I assure you he is not.  Ensign Sato is with him.  When I left, she was teaching him how to swear in Vulcan.”

Archer stared.  “What on earth for?”

Phlox smiled.  “He said he wanted to let the Vulcans know exactly how he felt the next time.”

“Next time,” Archer said heavily.  “He going to have to go through that again?”  Phlox sobered.  Archer sighed.  “That’s what I was afraid of.”  He shook his head, then turned and began to viciously pound the bag once more.  Phlox stood, watching, until sides heaving, Enterprise’s captain stopped.  He turned back to Phlox.  “Still here?  Why?”

“Because you need to talk to me.”

“Oh, I do, do I?  What makes you think so?”

“The fact that you have split the seam of the bag.”

Archer turned.  It was true.  It wasn’t a big tear, but the fact that he had pounded the bag hard enough to make a dent of any sort was telling.  He looked back over at Phlox, and suddenly, the doctor’s calm demeanour was infuriating beyond belief.  He had been calm this afternoon, too, when …

He stripped off his gloves, threw them to the floor, stalked away. 

“Captain?”

“I’m going to have a shower.  Don’t follow me in there!”  He knew he was being childish and stupid, but he didn’t care.  Right now, he was mad at the world, and if Phlox just happened to be in his line of fire, well, that was just too damned bad, wasn’t it?  Maybe he’d take the hint and leave.

No such luck.  When he emerged from the gym’s shower, cleaner in body if not in spirit, the Denobulan was still waiting.  “You still here?”

Phlox did not answer directly.  “Come with me, Captain.”

Archer shook his head.  “I want to see Trip. I want –”

You want?  Your wants will have to wait.  I cannot have you upsetting my patient.  Now, if you please?  I would prefer not to make that a medical order.”

Archer sighed and admitted defeat.  Sullenly, he followed the doctor back to Sickbay, and into Phlox’s small office.  “Sit,” the doctor said, and Archer obeyed.  Phlox reached under his desk, produced a bottle and two glasses.  “Denobulan Ch’iar brandy.”  He poured the amber fluid out.  “I believe you’ll find it to be quite palatable.”  He gave Archer a glass, and raised his own.  “To Commander Tucker.”

Archer couldn’t argue with that.  He raised his own glass.  “To Trip.”  They solemnly clinked glasses, and Archer took a cautious sip.  The liquor was surprisingly smooth, and it flowed down his throat with astonishing ease.  He looked at Phlox.  “Good stuff.”

The doctor nodded.  “A gift from my wife.”

Archer didn’t ask which one; he wasn’t in the mood to try and sort out Phlox’s intricate domestic arrangements right now.  “Not your usual prescription, though, is it?”

Phlox shrugged.  “To use a human idiom, you looked like you could use it.”  He looked over his glass at the captain.  “Ready to talk?”

Archer shrugged.  “What’s there to talk about?  Like you said earlier, it’s never easy to watch a loved one suffer.”  That’s an understatement

It had been the treatment from hell, plain and simple.  Phlox had taken Trip down to Sickbay to readjust the implants that the Vulcans had placed during the surgery.  It had been a long, weary process, as the Denobulan conferred back and forth with his colleagues aboard the T’Mara.  Fortunately, the sub-space time lag was only minutes instead of hours, but it still lengthened the session.  And for Trip, every second had been stretched out to agonizing lengths, because it was necessary to deactivate the pain inhibitors in order to ensure accurate results.  As a result, Trip had been in intense and unremitting pain for most of the day.

Archer had tried to help; he had stayed with the engineer, talking to him, reading to him, cajoling and encouraging him when the pain was particularly bad.  But it galled him to have to stand idly by, unable to offer Trip anything more than the dubious comfort of words, and watch his lover sweat through each minute as if it were an hour. 

It was small consolation to know that Phlox also found the process disturbing; the doctor’s customary cheerful demeanour had been conspicuously absent, and he went about his tasks with a grim single-mindedness that was in stark contrast to his usual manner.  But Archer found that to be cold comfort, to say the least.

When it was finally finished, Trip was as white as the proverbial sheet, and barely able to speak, although he attempted to make a feeble joke.  But Archer wasn’t laughing.  When Phlox had informed him he was taking Trip back to their quarters, and pointedly suggested that the captain take himself elsewhere until Trip was properly settled in, Archer had stomped off to the gym to try and relieve the anger that had been gnawing at his belly since he’d heard Trip’s first pain-filled moan.  And so here they were.

“Indeed,” Phlox said meditatively.  “And I would imagine for someone like you, doubly frustrating.”

“’Someone like me’,” Archer repeated.  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Come, now, Captain,” Phlox said calmly.  “You and I both know that you are a person who needs to feel in control at all times.  I believe the term is ‘control freak’.  Generally, given the type of job you have, such a character trait is a plus.  But in other circumstances, like those of today, it is most definitely a disadvantage.”  He looked shrewdly at Archer.  “But that’s not all, is it?”

Archer guiltily hitched one shoulder higher than the other.  Damn Phlox anyhow!  Why the hell did he have to be so observant?  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“To borrow yet another human idiom – Bull.”  The doctor took another drink. 

Archer sighed.  “You’re not going to let this alone, are you?”

“I would not be doing my job if I were to do that.”

Archer stared into the depths of his drink, swirled the liquor in his glass, breathing in its aroma, which was both fruity and pungent at the same time.  Phlox sat silently on the other side of the desk, waiting.  Archer sighed again.  “You’re right.  As usual.”  He took another drink.  “Bad enough to see Trip suffer like that.  Worse to know that it’s all my fault.”

“Indeed?”

“Indeed.  He got hurt saving my life.  Pushed me out of the way and took the hit himself.”

“I’m sure that if you were to ask the Commander, he would tell you that he felt it was well worth it.”

“Maybe so, but that doesn’t make me feel any better.”

“That Commander Tucker cares enough to risk his life for you?”

“Not that.  But I mean – how do I pay him back?  That’s one hell of a debt.”

“I doubt the Commander is keeping track.”

“He may not be, but I am.”

“You rescued him from Tasumi,” Phlox pointed out.  “Perhaps he felt he owed you.”

Archer flapped a hand, dismissing the idea.  “Trip knows I don’t expect anything from him.”

“Then why not grant him the same?”

Archer sighed again.  “You’re right, I know.  It’s just that … ”  He thought a moment.  “It’s like this,” he finally said.  “When I got Trip off of Tasumi, all I had to deal with was a night’s awkwardness.  I had to play-act a bit.  I didn’t like it, and it wasn’t fun, but once it was over and done with, that was it.  I didn’t end up in Sickbay smashed all to hell.  And … ”  He fell silent.

“And?” Phlox prompted gently.

“And I got Trip.  In my life.  In my bed, even.  By rescuing him, I ended up being rewarded.  And when Trip does the same for me, what does he get?  Pain and sickness.  It’s not fair.”

“He also has you,” Phlox said quietly.  “He might think that a fair trade.  In fact, I’m certain he does.”  Archer looked up at that.  “The Commander cares a great deal for you,” Phlox continued.  “Surely I do not need to remind you of this very important fact?”

“I know he does,” Archer said, almost inaudibly.  “I know.” 

Phlox smiled.  “Then why not simply accept it?”

“I do,” Archer said hastily.  “I do.  And it’s reciprocated, believe me. I just wish -”

“- That you could even the balance, so to speak?” Archer nodded.  Phlox took another sip of his brandy.  “Tell me, Captain – have you ever thanked him?”

“Well, not in so many words, no.  But -”

“Then do so.  See what he says.  You may find that the burden of debt you have taken upon yourself is not nearly as heavy as you have made it."

“And if it is?”

“Then accept that you are in his debt, and move on from there.”

“And try and make it up to him?  That would take a lifetime.  At least.”

“And would that be such a dreadful thing?”  The doctor got up and exited, leaving Archer to stare after him.

*  *  *

Archer put his padd down, rolled onto his side and regarded his lover.  Trip was sleeping, but restlessly; his hands twitched uneasily, and his head moved from side to side.  The captain wondered if he should wake him.  Trip really needed the rest, but the psychic toll his nightmares took was considerable.  He moaned, and that decided Archer.  Gently, he placed a hand on Trip’s shoulder, suppressing a sigh as he did.  Trip felt so fragile under his touch; it was as if he was no longer flesh and blood but spun glass.  He squeezed, very lightly.  “Trip,” he said quietly.  “You’re having a bad dream.  Wake up.”

Trip muttered something, and his eyes moved rapidly under their closed lids.  His lips parted, and he cried out. 

“Trip,” Archer repeated.  “It’s all right, brat.”

Trip’s eyes flew open, and he looked around, dazed and afraid.  His hand stole up to his throat, as it always did when the dream had been particularly bad.  Archer was not surprised.  The marks from the slave collar that Trip had worn on Tasumi had long disappeared, but Archer  knew that some things left wounds that ran deeper than those that merely scarred the flesh.

He remembered when Phlox had first removed the band  and handed it to him.  It had been heavy – surprisingly so, as a matter of fact – and cold.  Very cold.  Archer thought it had been deliberately designed that way.  A constant reminder, lying hard and frigid against the skin, that the neck it sat on now belonged to someone else. 

Archer leaned over, and slowly, deliberately, began to plant light kisses around Trip’s throat where it had been encircled by the collar.

Trip sighed, closed his eyes. 

Archer continued, kissing Trip’s throat,  then worked his way up the younger man’s neck and his face.  He finished by kissing the hot, dry forehead and then smoothed Trip’s hair back. 

Trip sighed again.  His face was still white, and there were dark circles under his eyes from the afternoon’s harrowing ordeal.  Archer couldn’t even begin to fathom what Trip had been through.  The courage and patience the younger man had shown was astonishing; no one would have thought any the less of him if he had cried aloud, or cursed, or lost his temper.  Instead, he had lain quietly, with only the occasional faint moan.   “Tough as nails Tucker”, indeed, Archer thought.  Aloud, he asked, “Another bad dream?”

Trip did not answer; instead, he let out a long, shuddering sigh.  Archer stroked his face.  “My poor brat,” he said gently.  “I’m so sorry.”

Trip sighed again.  “Thanks,” he whispered.  “But it’s not your fault.”

Archer shook his head.  “You’re in this mess because – ”

“ – because I couldn’t get out of my own way,” Trip finished for him.  “Don’t go making a big deal out of it.”

“I don’t want to start an argument,” Archer replied, “but I beg to differ.  I think saving my life is a big deal.”

Trip looked at him.  “Did you just expect me to stand by and watch?  I couldn’t stand it if something happened to you.  Don’t you know that?”

“I know.  But it’s still hard for me to see you hurting like this, and know I’m responsible.”

Trip raised a weak hand.  “It’s all right.  I’d go through ten times this to keep you safe.”

But I wasn’t able to keep you safe.  Before he could say anything else, Trip continued.  “Besides, you saved me, too.  You know that.”

“I don’t think it’s quite the same thing,” Archer said, keeping his voice light.

Trip gave him an unreadable look.  “Says you.”  He coughed, and Archer reached, got him his ginger ale and held his head while he drank. 

“Better?”  At Trip’s nod, he asked, “What did you mean?”

“Phlox told me that all that junk they were pumping into me on Tasumi would have killed me before much longer.”

“I know.  He told me that too.”

“The thing of it is,” Trip continued, “that if you hadn’t have come along, and the drugs had done that, I wouldn’t have minded.  Living that way – if you can call it living,” he shook his head, “I couldn’t take it.  I would have happily ‘turned my face to the wall’ and let it take me.”

Archer stroked Trip’s forehead.  “I’m sorry,” he finally said.  “I wish… ”  He fell silent, brooding.

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride,” Trip quoted.  “I’m learning to live with it.  But the point is, I’m still alive to do so.  If it hadn’t been for you, I wouldn’t be.”

“Okay,” Archer agreed.  “But can I still say ‘thank you’?  For saving my life?”

“Sure.  You’re welcome, too.”

“But next time – try yelling first, okay?”

“I did.  And you still stood there like a big dumb block of wood.”

“Brat.”

“Bastard.”  Trip shifted, and scowled.  “Damn!”

“What’s wrong?”

“It itches.  The hair’s growing back.”

“Don’t scratch.”

“Easy for you to say.”  He said something in Vulcan, and Archer looked at him.  “A Vulcan curse,” Trip explained.  “Hoshi taught me a whole slew of them this afternoon.”

“Oh, yeah?  What did you just say?”

“It’s hard to translate, but I basically wished that the guy who shaved me would be caught naked in sandstorm.”

“Ouch.”

“Well, he’d know how I feel,” Trip said irritably.  “Damn!”  And he shifted again.

Archer sat up.  “Hang on just a minute.”  He got out of bed, came back with a small jar of salve.  “From Phlox’s cupboard.  Topical anaesthetic.  Should help the itch, okay?”

Trip nodded.  “Okay.” 

He reached for the jar, but Archer held it out of reach.  “Let me.”  He pulled the blankets back, began rubbing the salve onto Trip’s chest, then worked his way down.

“You don’t have to do that,” Trip said.  “I can.”

“I know you can, but I don’t mind.  Besides,” and Archer grinned at his lover, “look where I’ve got my hand.”

Trip’s response was predictable.  “Christ.  You must be desperate.”

“Now, is that nice?  Behave yourself, or I’ll leave you to scratch.”

Trip did not reply.  Instead, he closed his eyes and sighed.  “That’s a little better.”

Archer put the salve on his bedside table.  “Good.”  He pulled the blankets up over the younger man.  “I don’t suppose you feel like eating, do you?”  Trip shook his head.  “Chef made peach smoothies,” Archer coaxed.  “Just for you.”  When Trip was still silent, he sighed.  “Okay.  I guess they'll keep for a while.”

Trip opened one eye at this.  “You’re not going to press on my feet, make me hungry?”

“Nope.”

Both eyes opened.  “Why not?”

“Because it’s breaking the rule, that’s why.”

Trip was honestly bewildered.  “The rule?  What rule is that?”

“The one that says I don’t touch you without your say-so.”

“That’s a rule?”

“You bet.  And an unbreakable one, too.”

“Oh.”  Trip considered this.  “So ‘no’ really means ‘no’, then.”

“It does.  You of all people deserve that much.  At least.”

Trip managed a faint smile.  “Thanks.  But I don’t mind when you … you know.”

Archer kissed his forehead.  “I know.  And I’m glad you trust me that much.  But just so you’re clear on this – I mean what I said.  It’s going to be up to you, brat.  Always.”

“Okay.”  Trip sighed again, closed his eyes.

“Headache?”

“A bit, yeah.  And my neck and shoulders are sore.  Guess I’m a little tense.”

“I wonder why?” Archer asked dryly.

“No kidding.”

“You want a massage?”

“Why not use the Vulcan noogies?”

“Well, I can use Vulcan Neuro Pressure, but you like getting massages.  And I like giving them.  So why stop a good thing?”

“Okay.” 

Trip started to roll onto his side, but Archer stopped him.  “Let me do the work.”  He flipped Trip over onto his stomach.  “You okay?”

“No problems.”

Archer began to gently work on his lover’s tense neck and shoulders.  “Vulcan noogies,” he snorted. 

“Well, it’s accurate, isn’t it?  Or Vulcan nudgies? That works, too.”

Archer snickered.  “Vulcan nooky?”

“Vulcan naughty nooky,” Trip corrected, and he snickered as well. 

“How old are you again?”

“Twelve.  And so are you.  Don’t deny it.”  He looked over a shoulder.  “Think T’Pol would find that amusing?”

“I think she’d have the equivalent of a Vulcan hissyfit.”

“So it’ll be our little secret – ah!”  He sighed, as Archer dug his thumbs into a spot below one shoulder blade.  “Oh, yeah, Jon – that really hits the spot.”

“You just wait till I hit some of your other spots,” Archer promised him. 

“Oh, yeah?  What about that rule of yours?”

Ours,” Archer corrected.

“Ours, then.”

Archer bent, kissed the nape of his neck.  Trip shivered slightly in response.  “Somehow, I don’t think you’re going to be thinking about rules so much when the time comes.”

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