Farewell

Farewell Title: Farewell

Author: Nodakgirl

Authors email: [email protected]

Date: 03/10/2004

Archive: MEGA, Permission to EntSTCommunity, Captain and Commander

Series: ENT

Category: slash

Rating: R

Status: Complete

Pairing: Archer/Tucker

Summary: How to say goodbye.

Spoilers: Major spoilers for Azati Prime

Disclaimer: I don’t own Enterprise or its characters. Paramount owns them, I just like to take them out and play with them occasionally. I am not making any profit from this story.

They both knew that this day might come. They had talked about it often since they had been in the Expanse. They tried to make sure that each minute and each hour that they had together was the best moment of their lives. But facing reality was different.

They had found the Xindi weapon, had the coordinates, the specs on it and now they needed to destroy it. It seemed as if the only way was going to be a suicide mission. Travis and Trip argued about which of them would go. They both felt they were the best equipped for the job. Archer was quiet listening to their arguments but finally he turned and met Trip’s eyes.

“I’m the one that will be piloting the shuttle.” Archer said quietly as he held Trip’s gaze.

Trip stiffened, got himself under control and aware that the others were watching him responded without losing eye contact with Jon.

“Cap’n?” His eyes were pleading with Jon to tell him that he hadn’t heard correctly. But he had and by the look in the Captain’s eyes there would be no talking him out of it. Trip knew better than anyone how recent decisions had affected Jon. The responsibility of the recent deaths of Sim and the Xindi in the monitoring station was weighing heavily on him as well as some of the tactics that he has been forced to use in dealing with finding the Xindi weapon.

Archer was a strong man and a natural leader but he was also a very gentle man whose very nature rebelled against the violence of the situation that they were in. It was tearing him apart.

“How long will it take to get the shuttle ready to go?” He asked Trip still maintaining eye contact with the man that he loved.

“A couple of hours.” Trip said quietly, wondering how he could talk Jon out of this. He would gladly go in his place. He wasn’t afraid to die but he wasn’t sure he could go on living without this man in his life.

“Get started on it.” Archer said and with one last glance Trip nodded and walked out of the door to the situation room.

As he left the situation room he let the door slide shut behind him and he leaned weakly against the bulkhead, put his head back and closed his eyes. This can’t be happening. He thought. We talked about it but it can’t be real. He sighed deeply, braced himself for the ordeal ahead and walked down the corridor. He hadn’t gotten far when Jon came out of the situation room and seeing Trip called softly.

“Trip!”

Trip turned slowly to face Jon. He looked into the green eyes that he had loved for the last 9 years. It was starting to sink in that he would be alone from this day forward.

“Jon.” He heard the pleading in his voice.

”We need to talk, lets go to my quarters.” Jon walked over to Trip and put his hand on the other mans shoulder. Jon wanted to hold him and wipe the look of pain out of his eyes but this was as close as they got when they were in public. Probably the whole crew knew of their relationship but they did not flaunt it.

Trip nodded and they walked down the corridor to the Captain’s quarters without saying a word. Both knowing this was the last time they would be alone together.

As soon as the door slide shut, Jon took a step toward Trip and they were in each other arms. For a while they stood that way just taking in the solid warmth of the other. Their relationship had evolved over a long period of time and they truly did not remember a time when they were not together. Trip laid his head against Jon’s shoulder burying his face into Jon’s neck, taking in his unique odor and fighting back the tears. Jon stroked his hair and whispered.

“Shhh, baby, shhhh.” He found himself fighting back tears also. He found himself being angry that he was not going to be able to grow old with this wonderful man, his soul mate. He wanted to scream and throw things but this was not the way he was going to spend the last few minutes with Trip.

He stepped back slightly and as Trip lifted his head, Jon kissed him softly, gently sucking at Trip’s lower lip. The taste of him, the smell of him caused the usual response and as Trip kissed him back with increasing urgency, the spark erupted into flame.

They explored each other’s mouths as if this was the first time that they had come together. They each wanted to hold on to this experience as long as they were able before the separation. Stepping back, Jon unzipped Trip’s uniform and pulled it down over his chest and hips, and then his hands were exploring and teasing the pink nipples. While he was doing that Trip returned the favor and soon they found themselves naked on the bed. Jon pushed Trip onto his back and then straddled him on both sides of his hips but instead of exploring his body with his hands and mouth, he just stopped and met Trip’s eyes not saying anything and then his gaze wandered slowly over the beloved body taking in the face, the strong neck and shoulders, the trim chest and abdomen and finally the narrow hips, the strong legs and his full erection. He memorized it all. Finally he glanced at Trip and realized that he was doing the same thing.

“Oh baby.” Jon whispered as he lowered his head to claim Trip’s lips once more.

“Jon….” Whatever he was going to say was lost as Jon reclaimed his mouth and Trip just surrendered to the sensations and the warmth of his love.

***

Finally they were holding each other neither one willing to break the spell with words. Just listening to the reassuring sound of breathing and heartbeats.

After a while Jon broke the silence and said softly. “Never forget that I love you more than life itself. I would do anything if I could stay here with you but I can’t order any more people to their deaths, I have to do this myself. Do you understand, Trip?’

Trip lifted his eyes, met Jon’s and nodded slowly. “I think I do but isn’t there another way. You are the captain, you shouldn’t go, Enterprise needs you. You are not expendable. Please let me go, Jon?”

Jon smiled sadly. “Enterprise needs you more than she needs me, Trip. You will get this crew home. We need your experience with the engines. Once the weapon is destroyed, you need to get the crew back to earth. At least this will buy us a little time before they start rebuilding the weapon. Starfleet will have a chance to get the new ships built.”

Trip was quiet for a minute and then wondered. “Couldn’t we send the Xindi shuttle in remotely without a pilot? Travis and I got good solid coordinates when we found the weapon.”

Jon sighed and stroked Trip’s hair. “You know we don’t have enough time to get that set up. The Xindi are going to find us before we could get a remote set up. I wish there was a way out of this but we are going to have to face it, this is the only solution.” He dropped a kiss on Trip’s forehead and pulled him closer to him. They stayed that way in silence for a while, thinking about how they would soon be separated forever.

Finally Jon untangled himself from Trip reluctantly and said. “We both have work to do.”

Trip sat up and watched as Jon got up and walked into the bathroom. He sat there lost in thoughts until Jon came back out and walked over to where their clothes lay on the floor. Then he got up and took his turn in the bathroom. When he came out, Jon was gathering up Porthos’ bed and leash and dish. Trip had totally forgotten about Porthos. He looked at Jon and then at Porthos and the tears that had been threatening for the last hour started silently running down his cheeks.

Jon put the last of Porthos’ belonging on his bed and moved over to Trip and gathered him into his arms again.

“I am going to leave him with Phlox for now but when you get back to earth, I want you to take him. He will be happier with you and I need to know that he will be with you.”

Jon could feel the tears running down his cheeks now too. This would be the only time he would allow himself to do this. He needed to be strong for the crew and he needed to be strong for Trip.

Trip nodded and said. “I’ll spoil him rotten.”

Jon smiled and kissed Trip again. “Not too rotten?” Trip shook his head and moved away from Jon and got back into his uniform. Finally there seemed nothing else to do but to each get back to the jobs that they needed to do. Jon needed to get some lessons from Travis on piloting the Xindi ship and Trip needed to prepare the shuttle with the explosives that would destroy the Xindi weapon and his captain.

They stood facing each other at the door.

“I love you, Trip. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. You have made my life complete. I only regret that we won’t be growing old together.” Jon reached over and put his hand against Trip’s cheek, rubbed his thumb across his lip and said in a whisper.

“Remember me.”

Trip felt the tears coming again, turned his head and kissed the palm of Jon’s hand. He gazed at Jon as if memorizing every line and plane in his face and then said.

“I will love you until the day I die, Jon.” Trip hesitated wanting to try talking Jon out of this mission again but realized that it would just waste the precious seconds they had left with each other.

Trip stepped into Jon’s arms again and they clung to each other without speaking.

***

They were on the bridge, the captain was ready to leave but he wanted a moment with the bridge crew. Trip stood back as far as he could with his head slightly bowed and his eyes on the floor. This was going to be harder than their private goodbye. He had to be strong for the rest of the crew and truthfully he didn’t feel very strong right now. They were all losing their Captain and he was losing his life mate as well.

He focused on keeping control. The captain started to speak and he looked up at him.

“I’ve always been much better at avoiding farewells than giving them so I’m not going to try.”

Archer moved toward the center of the circle of the crewmembers, he looked over and met Trip’s eye for a moment.

“But I am going to ask all of you to think back to the day when this ship was first launched.”

Trips noted that Archer seemed more relaxed and the smile that he hasn’t seen on his face for a long time returned. He walked over to Travis met his eyes for a second and the moved over to Trip.

“We were explorers then. When all this is over and earth is safe…” Archer looked over at Malcolm and then reconnected with Trip. They seemed to enter a private world of their own. Trip held onto this moment as long as he could, memorizing the green eyes that shone with love for him. Those eyes were also pleading with him to listen closely to the words that he was speaking.

“I want you to get back to that job.” He continued still holding Trips gaze. “400 billion stars in the galaxy and we have only explored a tiny fraction. You’ve got a lot of work to do.”

Jon finally tore his eyes away from Trip and looked at Malcolm, then back to Trip again before turning to T’Pol. He walked over to his chair and looked down at it trying to control the emotions that he felt.

“Of all the captains that will sit in this chair, I can’t imagine any of them being more proud than I am right now.”

Jon looked up again meeting each crewmember’s eyes for a second projecting his pride in them. Trip saw into Jon’s soul during that moment when they connected for the last time and he knew the love that was there for him. He sighed and watched Jon walk off the bridge. He turned abruptly and went to his station on the bridge. He positioned his chair toward the viewing screen. He was determined to hang onto visual contact with Jon as long as he could.

***

Archer’s shuttle was launched and he headed for the planet. As focused as he was on his mission he turned the aft screen on for a few seconds and took in the sight of Enterprise growing smaller. His heart ached. He hoped he was doing the right thing. His only regret was that he would never see Trip or earth again.

“Goodbye, love” he whispered as he switched the forward screen on and accelerated toward his destiny.

***

Malcolm was counting down as the captain neared the grid.

“400 meters.”

“200.”

“He’s passing thru the grid.” A moment later he said quietly.

“He’s in.” He looked at the screen with sadness and was quiet.

Trip had been watching and listening as Archer moved further away from Enterprise and from him. As Malcolm announced that he was in, Trip looked at the screen and keeping himself in tight control said his final farewell to his captain and his love.

“Give em hell, Cap’n.”

end

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