The heat always took her breath away whenever she left the cabin and entered the hallway. She had been en route to Earth on the Vulcan cargo ship, V�Nan for two weeks now. They were due to rendezvous with another Vulcan ship in two days. Just where she was headed, she didn�t know. There was no central mess hall as Vulcans took meals in their quarters. There was no one to talk to, even though she tried to engage the crew in their native tongue. They just weren�t a talkative bunch.
Other than the occasional sporadic messages with Em, she was alone. Admiral Forrest was brought up to speed about the events and pulled a few strings to get Hoshi�s teaching job at the university back, but she held little enthusiasm for it. Her home was on Enterprise. Even after everything that had happened, that flying tin can was still her home.
Malcolm fought hard to get transferred, arguing that she was more valuable to the crew; that without her, first contacts would not go as smoothly, or God forbid, go at all. When Jon told her that, she lied quietly, �But I want to go home.�
In her eyes, Malcolm was more valuable than she. He protected everybody and everything she loved � Enterprise and her crew.
The loneliness enabled her to focus and hear her own voice, to sort through everything that had happened. The nightmares had dissipated into the fog of the past, but some bitterness remained. Yes, she had accepted that Malcolm was not responsible for his actions, but the betrayal cut deeper than that.
She waited a day, hoping he would acknowledge the life within her, but he never came. Conceived in rape � the child didn�t stand a chance. Not because it had been conceived in rape, but because of her. She would have had to remain on bed rest the entire gestational period and the trauma her system had already suffered � well, Phlox had made sure she was informed. It was one of the hardest decisions she had ever made in her entire life. And she had to make it alone.
She mourned for so much: the child, the life she had, and her friendship with Malcolm. Most of all, she mourned what could have been with him.
***
He hadn�t slept or eaten in four days. No matter what, his mind kept turning round and round about things that needed to be done � duty roosters needed updating; the phase coils needed alignments; reports needed to be filed. Unfortunately, he was unable to concentrate on any of those things and spent most of his time staring at his meals and working out in the gym.
He was sitting in front of one of those meals right now, unable to get the first bite down past the lump in his throat. He ignored the hunger pangs.
�Is this seat taken?� Em Gomez asked after she had already sat down.
He simply stared at her, no words forming in his mind for a rebuttal.
Em sat comfortably with Malcolm, making herself available in the event he needed someone to talk to.
Malcolm was content to push his meal around his plate, not really caring that the words coming out of Em�s mouth were gibberish to him. His thoughts were occupied elsewhere � Hoshi. He had fought so hard to keep her here, but to no avail. Captain Archer told him that she asked to �go home.�
Malcolm wanted to talk her out of it, but Captain Archer and Dr. Phlox felt it best if he didn�t. Through them, he kept tabs on her. He was a coward, plain and simple. He wrote out a letter of apology, but never delivered it. Letter of apology � how does one apologize for what he did?
Their child would never be. They had brought Hoshi to sickbay covered in blood and pulled the curtain, but he could still hear them. She was pregnant and she and the baby were stabilized. Without medical intervention, Hoshi would miscarry. Phlox released him the next day not saying a word to him about the baby, as it was her decision.
�Sir, are you okay?� Em Gomez watched as Malcolm stared into space, obviously not paying any attention to her changes to the duty rooster. Her and everybody around her, gasped in horror as Malcolm fell to the ground and started convulsing.
***
�Chief Medical Officer�s log, November 25, 2153. Lieutenant Reed is comatose and will be dead in three days if we fail to retrieve Ensign Sato,� Phlox sighed, rubbing the back of his next, holding little hope for his patient.
Lieutenant Reed is suffering from a form of Sanfilippo Syndrome. An essential enzyme that breaks down complex sugars produced in the body has decreased by eighty percent throughout his entire system. He had come to me a week before for a sedative, and for the first time spoke about the rape. He failed to mention that he hadn�t slept in several days and was experiencing hyperactivity. The build up of sugar in his brain signals the end stage of the syndrome. He�s entered the dementia phase as near as I can tell.
For the first few days, I was unable to determine what could cause such a devastating illness, and then it hit me. Something I had read about the Denobulan bat mating cycle scrolled through my mind. They mate for life. And if the female dies before the male, the male will die within a month�s cycle. It seems that the pheromones imprinting upon Lieutenant Reed�s enzymes, in turn, enforce this� self-destruct sequence. I�ve tried enzyme therapy, but have been unsuccessful in my treatment thus far. I believe if we retrieve Ensign Sato in time, there is a chance he may recover�as long as there is enough of the basic enzyme structure left. Time is of the essence. The Vulcan Cargo ship has been alerted and is en route at their fastest speed and Commander Tucker assures me he is squeezing everything he can out of the warp drive. Even with everybody at top speed, it will be five days before Ensign Sato arrives.�
***
Malcolm startled as the light weight on top on him shifted. He looked down where his four-month-old daughter lay. Her fine black hair was like silk upon his bare chest. Hoshi stirred in the bed next to them.
�Is it time to feed her again?� Hoshi sat up, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.
Malcolm sighed, feeling a tear trickle down his cheek.
Hoshi moved to take their daughter off his chest, seeing his distress.
After putting Mercy in her crib, she knelt in front of him, grabbing his hands and resting her head in his lap. �I�m dreaming,� he sighed. �I don�t want to wake up.�
Hoshi kissed his palm. �You aren�t dreaming. I�m real. So is Mercy.�
�But�� Another tear fell.
�You�ve got to accept what happened and forgive yourself, darling. I�ve forgiven you, why can�t you forgive yourself?�
�I-I dreamt you left. I dreamt �you miscarried,� Malcolm gathered Hoshi into his arms and sobbed.
***
�Chief Medical Officer�s log, November 26, 2153. Lieutenant Reed�s enzyme level has decreased by twelve percent. By tomorrow, there will be no enzymes left to stimulate growth of more.�
***
�I love you,� he whispered into Hoshi�s dark hair
�You�ve never told me. How was I supposed to know?� she replied sadly.
***
�Sir, we�ve got a Vulcan Interceptor closing in on high warp,� Lt. Em Gomez reported.
Before Captain Archer could acknowledge, Ensign Collins chimed in. �We�re being hailed.�
�Put it on screen,� Archer stated.
�Enterprise, this is Vulcan Interceptor, M�Hel. We will be docking in fifteen minutes. We have Ensign Sato.�
Silence settled among the bridge crew.
***
Dr. Phlox placed Malcolm on the table of the imaging chamber. He would need to be exposed to Hoshi in a cramped space to encourage rapid growth of the enzymes.
Hoshi came through the door quickly, a wild look in her eyes. �Am I too late?�
Phlox wasted no time with pleasantries. �Ensign, I need you to climb onto the table with Lieutenant Reed. It is imperative that he is exposed to you intimately. I will increase the temperature so that you sweat. You may want to disrobe down to your undergarments.�
Hoshi froze in her spot, looking at the chamber then to Malcolm. Two fears rolled into one.
�I understand your trepidation but he is quite safe, I assure you. You will be monitored at all time. You needn�t fear Lieutenant Reed. If you like I can give you a sedative.� Phlox held a hypo spray up to her.
She waved it off and climbed on top of Malcolm. �I would rather be alert then drugged. Put us in. Just turn him around, so I can see out.�
***
Hoshi crushed herself to Malcolm�s bare chest, shutting her eyes as tight as she could. The heat that surrounded her reminded her of the Vulcan ship she had just been on.
Malcolm�s breathing was steady and she focused on that.
�Are you doing okay, Hoshi?� Captain Archer�s voice asked with concern.
�I�m fine, Sir,� Hoshi replied as she looked through the holes of the chamber to the outside.
�How long do we have?� She squirmed.
�It should take just a few hours in the chamber to encourage his enzymes to restructure and grow.� Phlox informed her then paused as he looked at the couple in the chamber.
�Ensign, there is room for you to sit up if you feel cramped.�
Hoshi stuck an arm out and found space to her sides and behind her. She chuckled at the trick her mind had played on her. For some reason it seemed smaller than it actually was. She pressed against Malcolm�s chest, sitting up.
She kept her eyes fixed on the holes of the chamber door and shivered even though the heat that surrounded her felt like an oven.
Outside, Phlox watched over the monitor for any changes. Before Hoshi had arrived, Malcolm�s enzyme level was down to two percent. It was going to be a long road back, but he just might make it. He grinned as the monitor showed a one percent increase with just fifteen minutes exposure to Hoshi. That was very promising in deed.
***
Hoshi collapsed on top of him, satiated with passion. She kissed his cheek and brushed his hair off of his forehead. �You�re going to be fine, Malcolm. I�m here now.�
***
Hoshi lay on his chest, her head resting on his shoulder. Leaning forward she placed a gentle kiss onto his cheek and whispered words of encouragement. A whisper of fear touched her skin wherever her body came in contact with Malcolm�s. She had accepted everything. It was part of who she was now.
Malcolm stirred, wincing in pain.
***
�There�s no more pain, Malcolm.� Her voice sounded melodious as if off in the distance. �I don�t blame you, anymore.�
***
�I was angry with you, but not for�that.� Hoshi sniffed but continued to say her peace to the unconscious man. �The decision to remove the inhibitor was the hardest decision I ever had to make on my own and I resented you for leaving me to make it on my own.�
***
Malcolm�s dementia came shattering down around him. Mercy was gone, never born. Hoshi was straddling him, forcing him to look at her.
Sighing, he said, �I couldn�t force you again. I couldn�t influence your decision. You hate me � rightly so, I might add. What I did to you�I tried to stop it. I wasn�t strong enough� Am I dying now?�
***
�Come back to me, Malcolm. Knowing you, you have yet to forgive yourself. You should. I have.� Hoshi pressed her cheek to his, checking for his temperature, not hearing his side of their conversation.
***
�You have to forgive yourself if you are going to pull through. I need you to do this for me. Don�t leave me. Don�t take your friendship away. I miss you.�
***
�That�s what I miss most � our friendship. It�s impossible to be friends if you won�t forgive yourself. I�ve done my part. I�ve forgiven you.� Hoshi whispered into his ear. She could feel the sweat pooling in the small of her back.
***
�If you come back� when you come back, we�ll start target practices again, even though I really don�t need them any longer. We can start new� but only if you come back to us.� Malcolm felt moisture on his shoulder.
***
�Well?� Captain Archer asked impatiently.
�It�s remarkable. I don�t think I�ve ever seen this kind of regeneration before. The enzymes are multiplying exponentially. They are at fifty percent.� Phlox stated with a spark of hope in his voice.
Jon stooped down, looking through the grating. �He�s at fifty percent, Hoshi. Hang in there.�
Hoshi hugged him tighter, whispering in his ear.
***
He wrapped his arms around her and listened.
�What happened�the rape�it happened to both of us. When it was happening, I was in shock, not realizing what you�whatever it was inside of you� was doing to me. When I woke up, that shock turned to denial.� She scoffed. �That didn�t last long.�
He kept listening.
�The next part was the worst. I hated you. I even hated myself for not being able to stop you. Then I started to remember what we were talking about prior to the attack and how I was flirting with you. For one brief second, I actually thought I deserved what you�� Hoshi twisted her head from side to side, trying to get through everything she needed to get through. ��What that monster, did to me� to both of us.�
�Phlox started telling me about the contaminated gel and what it did to you. I still hated you. I even hated him.�
Hoshi shifted uncomfortably on top of him. �I had nightmares. It seemed like the same nightmare over and over again. I couldn�t sleep. When I did manage to get to sleep�I�ll never forget that nightmare. It was different from the rest. I was raping you, and I wasn�t able to control my actions.�
She paused. �That�s when I realized�you had suffered too. I know you Malcolm. The loss of control was difficult for you.�
Tears welled in his eyes, but she kept whispering to him.
�When you caught me in the shower, I was so afraid. I couldn�t even scream. I don�t think I�ve ever been so afraid in my life, but then you� you�turned the phase pistol on yourself. I�ll always be grateful to you for that, but at the same time horrified that you did it.�
She sobbed, �I couldn�t feel anything more at that point. But now�� She hugged him to her. �Please come back, Malcolm. Please don�t die. I �I��
***
Malcolm�s eyes opened slowly, unseen by Hoshi. She was holding on to him like her life depended on it. He tried moving his arm to hold her, but it wouldn�t work. His mind was muddled yet clearing. He tried saying her name but only managed to make a noise.
She jolted up; tears flowing freely down her cheeks. She wiped at them with frustration.
She could see his confusion. �That�s right, Malcolm! Come back! Everybody depends on you. Enterprise needs her armory officer. I need you.�
She buried her face in the crook of his neck and continued whispering words of encouragement to him.
***
The cool air as they were removed from the imaging chamber felt wondrous against her heated skin.
�Hoshi, it�s okay. He�s going to be okay,� Captain Archer tugged her off Malcolm and into his arms.
Dr. Phlox quickly administered a hypo spray to Malcolm and checked his PADD. �He�s at ninety-six percent and rising. The enzymes are already hard at work removing the sugars from his brain. He�s going to pull through.�
***
A week passed. Hoshi stayed in sickbay, next to Malcolm, never leaving his side even though Phlox kept telling her that he was well on the road to recovery. Malcolm gained his ability to speak three days ago, but said very little.
One night, Malcolm woke. It wasn�t a fitful waking. There were no more nightmares. He just simply woke up and couldn�t get back to sleep. He had been sleeping on his side so that when he opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was Hoshi.
She was asleep, her features relaxed and her breathing even. He wanted to reach out and brush the errant strand of hair that fell across her cheek, but knew better. So, he lay in the semi-darkness, content with staring at her. He remembered every fantasy he had while comatose, saddened by most, yet hopeful. He just didn�t know what was fantasy and what was reality.
While not openly pushy regarding Malcolm�s recovery, Hoshi had been persistent in remaining by his side. From what he could gather from the conversations that flew over his head, the bat episode wasn�t quite finished. When he heard mention of this, he panicked, fearful that the beast would reassert itself and harm Hoshi.
The only outward appearance that gave any indication to his distress was the monitors above his bed. Hoshi immediately grasped his hand, shushing him as he tried to speak, reassuring him that everything was okay.
At that point, Dr. Phlox regaled him of how close he had come to death and why. Malcolm looked at Hoshi, who was looking down at her feet.
�Looks like we�re stuck together,� she said with a slight hitch to her voice.
Now he propped himself on one elbow and watched her sleep.
He thought of nothing, content just to look at her.
So enraptured with looking at her, he failed to notice her watching him.
He grinned when he noticed, and then looked away quickly apologizing for staring.
It seemed like an eternity before Malcolm spoke, his thoughts and his emotions swirling in his head. Forgiveness � Did she forgive him? He had to know.
�When,� he cleared his throat. �When we were in the imaging chamber, I dreamt that��
�I forgive you,� she blurted out, trying to make it easier on him but went further to explain.
�While I was on the V�Nan, I kept in contact with Em. Well, she kept dropping little hints here and there about your behavior� I know you�ve been in pain, Malcolm. It�s time you ��
�Thank you,� he whispered hastily.
The awkward silence fell.
�So, what are we going to do?� Malcolm asked, still staring into Hoshi�s almond eyes, scared spitless.
�Well Lieutenant, according to Phlox you�re cured. All he needed was a sample of �me� to synthesize what you need. You�re as good as new, minus weekly injections.� Hoshi smiled as she sat up, hanging her legs off the bed.
A slight swell of panic rose in her chest. She had made up her mind. She was staying on Enterprise. This was where she belonged. She wanted to extend a hand of friendship to Malcolm, but couldn�t take that step just yet. Instead, she opted for a professional relationship.
Malcolm could see her falter. �You�re staying, right?� He didn�t want to even consider the possibility that she was leaving again.
�Yes,� she stated. �There really isn�t much reason for me to leave at this point� unless�it would make you uncomfortable.�
�H- Ensign,� he stammered, catching onto the hint of their new relationship. �Whatever you decide is fine with me.�
***
�Chief Medical Officer�s Log, December 24, 2153. Yesterday, we docked briefly with a Denobulan freighter to hand over my bat. She will be released into a sanctuary. Lieutenant Reed and Ensign Sato are both doing well, experiencing no physical side effects from the ordeal. Their �relationship� is one of utmost professionalism, almost bordering on comical at times.
Neither one of them is willing to take the next step in their relationship, both comfortable in their current roles as Lieutenant and Ensign. Although I have it on good authority from Crewman Cutler that they have resumed their �private� target practice sessions, which puzzles me somewhat because I was fairly certain that Ensign Sato was proficient in the use of side arms.
At any rate, I believe that Ensign Sato is at a stage where she would like to become friends again, as opposed to just co-workers. Lieutenant Reed, on the other hand, keeps her at arm�s length.
Late last night, Lieutenants Reed and Gomez came in with some minor plasma burns they received while realigning the plasma coils. An interesting side note to this is that Captain Archer came to sickbay to check on �both Lieutenants.� He was dressed in his pajamas, or more appropriately half of his pajamas. I don�t think I�ve ever seen Lieutenant Gomez blush before.
If my hypothesis is correct the Captain and Lieutenant Gomez have a non-professional interest in one another. I even think Lieutenant Reed picked up on the tension between the two.
Today in the mess hall, I heard Ensign Sato actively chastising Lieutenant Reed about not telling her about the plasma burns. In turn, Lieutenant Reed told her it was �really none of her business,� and walked out. The whole mess hall was witness to what happened next. Ensign Sato picked up her tray, complete with beverage and plate and heaved it at the door. Luckily for Ensign Sato the rest of the mess hall only consisted of Sub-Commander T�Pol, Lieutenant Gomez, and myself.
�While cleaning up the mess on the floor, Ensign Sato mumbled under her breath. Only Sub-Commander and I could hear what she was actually saying. At that time, the Sub-Commander turned to me and said, �I certainly hope she does not hit Lieutenant Reed over the head. He would most likely press charges for striking a superior officer and confine her to her quarters.� I honestly don�t think I�ve ever laughed that hard before.�
Fin
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