Dreams of Existence - Chapter 10 Dreams of Existence

Chapter Ten


The little girl with the raven pigtails kicked her feet back and forth impatiently. Three adults hovered over her, questioning, measuring and murmuring amongst themselves like she wasn’t there. Kamaria tugged on her mother’s arm. “Is Dr. Phlox finished yet? I want to go play with Porthos,” Kamaria asked impatiently.

“Are you sure, doctor?” Hoshi asked Phlox unbelieving what she was hearing.

“I’m quite sure, Ensign. Kamaria has stopped growing…. at least for now.” The physician grinned as he started putting his instruments away.

“Why?” Malcolm asked, just as stumped as Hoshi was.

It had been a rough night for them, neither one of them sleeping. They watched their daughter grow before their eyes; afraid that she would be older than they were when they woke. Malcolm’s heart was full to overflowing with the moments he had spent with Hoshi and Kamaria. So full that he could almost put the fact that they were still on their way to rendezvous with Starfleet medical. His gut was constantly in his throat, as though he were a point man during recon. His thoughts not only extended to his daughter, but to his lover as well. She had not slept in almost forty-eight hours, and she looked exhausted.

Hoshi stroked her daughter’s hair absentmindedly. She was so enraptured with this creature that she could think of little else. She didn’t mind that Starfleet would not reinstate her to full duty, sighting the trauma of the birth. Phlox had manufactured a story that would make a writer proud. The report had been forwarded to the team Starfleet had dispatched. Ever since Kamaria’s birth, Hoshi noticed Malcolm’s withdrawal. Like her, he had gotten little to no sleep. One of the few moments she had managed to get to sleep, she woke to find Malcolm leaning on the rail to the bassinet. He was staring at his daughter. She wasn’t sure, but it looked like he had been crying.

Phlox’s news gave Hoshi hope. Yesterday, Phlox had estimated Kamaria would be sixty years of age, physically in thirty days.

“I have no idea,” Phlox shrugged, and then looked at Kamaria. “Kamaria, can you tell me why you have been growing so quickly and now you’re not?”

“Because,” replied the child nonchalantly.

“Because why, Kamaria?” Hoshi laid her hands on her daughter’s shoulder to get her attention.

Kamaria’s legs stopped kicking. “Because I wanted to be able to talk good.”

“I couldn’t talk good when I first came out of you mommy. Plus I couldn’t walk around unless somebody picked me up,” Kamaria explained in an incredulous tone.

“But, why have you stopped growing at this age?” Phlox questioned.

The child looked up at Malcolm then quickly looked down. “Because daddy thought I would hurt mommy and others. I can’t hurt anybody now. I won’t hurt anybody. I didn’t mean to hurt anybody. Daddy said he forgived me, but he doesn’t like me like mommy does.”

Malcolm’s back straightened at the accusatory statement from his daughter. “ I-I…”

“That isn’t true Kamaria. Daddy loves you just as much as mommy. He’s a boy and shows it differently than girls do,” Hoshi whispered the latter part in a secretive tone.

“I did- do forgive you, sweetie and I love you very much,” Malcolm rushed, thankful that Hoshi had intervened. He had been unaware that Kamaria had picked up on his mood. Now that Kamaria was here he kept wracking his brain for a way to keep her… to keep Starfleet from taking her from them. With each minute that passed. Malcolm could not keep from thinking about the rendezvous in three and a half months. He moved to embrace his daughter.

“Come on sweetie. Let’s go see if we can feed some cheese to Porthos,” Malcolm said in a teasing manner trying to lighten the mood.



Malcolm stared intently at the PADD memorizing details and rehearsing them in his head. Hoshi held on to Kamaria as they slept. He noticed the indentation on the bed where he had been sleeping. It had been a tight squeeze and not very comfortable. But, he knew that was not the reason he woke in the middle of the night. He had to get Kamaria as far away as possible. He kept repeating the mantra over and over to himself. He wouldn’t let Starfleet get a hold of her and treat her like she wasn’t… human. She was his daughter for pity’s sake. They have no right to take her from him.

As tactical officer aboard Enterprise, he was in charge of security and privy to all codes. That was advantage number one he planned on using. The major kink in his plan was the lack of another warp capable vessel other than Enterprise. That was why he was researching the star charts on the PADD. He needed to find a M-Class planet they could remain hidden on, a location on the planet that would provide a tactical advantage. He knew he would be unable to outrun Enterprise once they overrode the computer lockout he was going to implement.

Malcolm looked at Hoshi and stopped perusing the PADD. They had had little time to talk and didn’t know what she was feeling. She seemed happy, totally involved with Kamaria at every juncture throughout their daughter’s day. It seemed as though she had blocked out the threat to their daughter hanging over their head. He thought it best not to involve Hoshi in the plan. However, he would need to find a way to get her on the shuttle pod without harming her. He wasn’t about to leave her behind. He had no delusions that Starfleet would eventually catch up with them. But he wasn’t going down without a fight. He would protect his family but at the same time he would betray his other family.



Hoshi’s gift was linguistics. It was totally ineffective for what occupied her mind – getting herself and her daughter somewhere safe. She loved Kamaria more than her own life. She loved Malcolm just as much. Although he was attentive to her and Kamaria, he had withdrawn into his work. He could be seen with PADD in hand with a look of concentration that merited the strongest level of silence. She was in pain, frustrated at her ineffectiveness to do anything. Her dreams mimicked her impotency waking her nightly.



“That’s strange,” Trip thought to himself as he ran a diagnostic on the plasma conduits. He had found what looked like repetitious coding in the matrix. His curiosity peaked, he set out to find the source and the purpose of the coding.



Malcolm paced back and forth as he looked over the PADD. Kamaria was helping Phlox in sickbay with his menagerie and he and Hoshi had snuck away for some time alone. They had made love as though each other were trying to crawl into the other’s skin. The rhythms were frenzied, consuming them as flames would consume dry tender.

Hoshi was asleep now. His plan to get them away from their daughter’s impending internment would be ready in two days. He had two options regarding M-class planets, both uninhabited, both with unique strategic values. Both planets were within distance for a shuttle pod to reach from their present location.

“Whatever it is you’re planning, count me in,” Hoshi sat up in bed. She had been watching him and the play of concentration on his face from the illumination of the PADD. She held her breath, hoping he would verify her suspicions.

Malcolm looked at her and exhaled, relief flooding his body. “It’s a long shot at best. Hoshi. I-…”

“I love you and our daughter, Malcolm,” Hoshi interrupted. “I don’t want them to take her away. They are wrong to treat her like anything other than a human child. I have been wracking my brain trying to come up with some sort of solution, but I – all I can do is have the same nightmare over and over. They take her and with her a part of us. I won’t be able to live with myself if I don’t try something.”

Malcolm embraced her. “It isn’t going to be easy, but I will do anything to protect both of you.”



Hoshi ran the comb through her daughter’s silken hair. The motions were calming although Hoshi felt anything but calm. She waited for Malcolm’s signal while her daughter chattered away about her uncle Trip and pecan pie. Hoshi acknowledged her pauses with appropriate responses. The lights went out and auxiliary power came on. Enterprise was dead in the water minus life support and the few other functions needed to make their get away.

Hoshi felt acid pooling in her stomach, as she passed various crewmen from Beta shift running to their posts. Kamaria could sense her mother’s apprehension and stayed close to her side. Hoshi pushed the button to enter the shuttle bay, feeling it odd that it was deserted. She quickly got into Shuttle pod One, closing the hatch and waited for Malcolm. The rest of his plan was up to him. Hoshi put a comforting hand on her daughter’s shoulder, more for herself than for Kamaria.



Malcolm moved his hands over the transporter controls with ease, locking on to the supplies he had rationed away and transporting them to the transporter pad. With intense focus, he keyed in the coordinates of the shuttle and beamed the supplies aboard. He looked over his shoulder and touched his phase pistol intent on dispatching anyone if they got in his way. With that in mind, he made his way to his family.



“Communications are down on all decks. Warp drive and impulse power are offline. Navigation is not responding. Long range and short range sensors are offline,” Ensign Harris shouted above the commotion.

“So, let me guess. The only thing we do have is life support,” Archer replied with calm in his voice.

“Yes sir.”

“Very good, Malcolm,” Archer muttered under his breath. Archer hit the comm button on his chair. “Archer to engineering.”

“Um, sir. The internal comm system is down,” Ensign Harris stated.

“Thank you Ensign.”



Hoshi and Malcolm shielded their eyes, the sun a bright contrast to the artificial lighting of the shuttle. Their journey had taken five days in cramped quarters fielding questions from their daughter. There was no sign that they had been tracked. Malcolm had taken care of every contingency. He had disabled the locator beacon on the shuttle as well as short and long range sensors aboard Enterprise. Those were the keys to evading capture – that and disabling Enterprise’s warp and impulse capabilities.

Joyful elation mixed with sorrowful disappointment filled Hoshi. Most every girl wishes to grow up and have a family, and this was all hers. But, she couldn’t help but feel sorrow about the family she left behind. Hoshi looked at her new home. The temperature was in the mid 70’s with a slight breeze from the west.

“This planet has two seasons – fall and spring. Its year consists of sixteen earth standard months. Right now, it looks like the end of fall.” Malcolm informed Hoshi, taking measurements of the surrounding area on his PADD. Kamaria had slept through the landing and was still asleep in the shuttle.

Hoshi took the PADD out of Malcolm’s busy hands and leaned in to kiss him. The kiss contained their love and passion for one another with a new element – regret for what they had left behind. Malcolm kissed his way along her jaw and down her neck. Hoshi’s hands ran through his hair as heat pooled in her soul.

The gentle breeze that greeted them turned into a gusty wind, blowing dust and leaves around the lovers. The wind searched, realizing the two lovers were not who called to it. It focused on the being inside the shuttle, rocking it back and forth much to the horror of her parents. Kamaria woke and screamed in terror as the essence on the wind greeted her.



Captain Archer walked through the corridors on his way to engineering to check on warp and impulse status. He had told Trip not to rush, giving Malcolm and Hoshi the time they needed to get beyond their sensors. “Trip, how are the repairs coming?” Archer called out as he walked into Trip’s domain.

“Capin’, I’ve got my teams working on the fused plasma injectors. That will take another day or two,” Trip looked up from the task at hand.

“Don’t you think fusing the plasma injectors was a little over the top?” Archer murmured so no one but Trip could hear him.

“You said to cause repairable damage, damage that was believable and would allow them long enough to get away. Trust me, causing any damage to my sweetheart… well it was for a good cause.” Trip sighed.

“Have they landed safely?” Archer asked looking over his shoulder to make sure no one had approached him and Trip.

“Yep.” Trip stated sadly, hating the fact that he had lost two good friends.

“I know it’s been rough Trip, but it really was for the best. If only those Starfleet jackasses…” Archer stopped, getting hold of his anger.

“It won’t take Malcolm long to figure out we knew about his plan when he finds the additional locator beacon,” Trip grimaced as he pulled on a power panel to loosen it.

“Does it really matter that Malcolm knows. The important thing is that their escape be believable to Starfleet when we make the report. I just hope they have a good life and Starfleet doesn’t try anything else asinine.” Archer nodded to his friend as he left engineering.



“I’ve hurt you again! I didn’t mean to do it!” Kamaria sobbed hysterically against her father’s shoulder.

“Kamaria, what are you talking about?” Malcolm asked softly, rubbing his face into the silky softness of his daughter’s hair, happy to be holding her in his arms.

Hoshi squeezed the father and daughter as she trembled. Both she and Malcolm had witnessed the wind shake the shuttle pod with their daughter in it and eventually lift it off the ground, all the while listening to the piercing screams of their daughter. “Hush baby. You didn’t hurt us. Everything’s going to be okay. You just had a bad dream, sweetheart.”

Kamaria sniffled and trembled in her father’s arms. “He said I was an abomination, that I was wrong for what I have done to you. I changed your fates.”

“Kamaria, it was just bad dream, luv.” Malcolm told his daughter.

Just then, a rustle in the bush caught their attention. Malcolm tensed, ready to defend his family. A curious quadruped sprang from the bushes, just as startled by the humans as he was by them. The dog-like creature shrank back in fear. He had felt the little girl’s fright and ran to comfort her. Now he felt her father’s aggression toward him.

“Wait Malcolm,” Hoshi moved toward the ‘dog’ with increasing curiosity. “Come here fella.” Hoshi stuck out her hand.

“Hoshi stop!” Malcolm cautioned too late as the animal jumped in Hoshi’s arms and started rubbing his moist nose against her body in greeting.

Kamaria saw the reminder of Porthos in her mother’s arms and giggled. “I wanna hold him.”

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea after all…” Malcolm stopped arguing as Hoshi handed the animal to their daughter.

“Kamaria be careful.” Hoshi said as she passed the animal to her daughter.

“It’s okay, mommy. His name is Bales. He heard me screaming and wanted to help me.” Kamaria told her parents like it was an everyday occurrence.

Fear moved up Malcolm’s back. The thought that this planet was uninhabitable for a reason had never crossed his mind. Had he endangered Hoshi and Kamaria further be bringing them here? Malcolm felt his daughter’s hand grasp his.

“Everything’s going to be okay daddy. Bales will take care of me now.” Kamaria tried to alleviate her father’s unease.

“Why don’t we set up camp? The sun is setting and we need to get a fire started.” Hoshi picked her daughter up and walked back into the shuttle to collect some of their things for an overnight stay. Tomorrow they would scout for a more permanent place to make their home.



The laughter from her daughter and the yapping of a dog woke her. She opened her eyes and saw a bright spring day welcome her. Malcolm stirred next to her, confusion marring his expression. Blooms from the trees floated on the air, their fragrance a mixture of jasmine, roses and gardenias.

“Hi Mommy! Hi Daddy! I’m so glad you are awake! I wanted to say goodbye before I left.” Kamaria ran up to her parents with hope and sadness in her eyes.

“What are you talking about, honey? Where are you going?” Hoshi asked with a sinking feeling in her gut. Panic set in.

“Get away from Bales, Kamaria,” Malcolm ordered as the impact of what Kamaria said sunk in.

“Thank you for trying to save me, Daddy.” Kamaria cupped his cheek and gave him a kiss. “I have to hurt you and Mommy just one more time. I have to leave. If I don’t leave I will continue to hurt you. It has to end now.”

“NO!” Hoshi cried, becoming frantic at what was being said.

“Mommy, please don’t cry. I’m not alone this time.” Kamaria sniffled with melancholy, her hand reaching out to comfort her mother. With a hand on both of her parents, she leaned in and kissed both of them. “Thank you so much for my life, but I can’t interfere in your lives anymore. I love you both.”

Malcolm held on to Hoshi as the watched their daughter walk into the forest, never to return to them again.



Hoshi woke with tears streaking down her face at the same time Malcolm woke. Hoshi jerked Kamaria in her arms trying to wake her to no avail, her wails of grief disturbing the peaceful forest. Malcolm stood by quietly with signs of his grief dripping across his cheeks. He kneeled down to embrace his family; to offer solace to the woman he loved. They wept together over the prone body of their daughter and her pet. A gentle breeze moved toward them offering solace.

“Don’t cry mommy. I’m not gone.” The voice on the wind whispered.

Malcolm and Hoshi looked around startled at the sound of their daughter’s voice.

“I was wrong to change your futures. It was selfish of me. I’m not alone now. Be at peace and know that I will always love you.” Their daughter’s voice spoke softly on the edge of the diminishing breeze as it wafted over Hoshi and Malcolm, leaving them to comfort one another.



“Captain, We’re being hailed,” Ensign Collins informed Archer. “It’s shuttle pod one!” Everybody looked surprised. There had been no official comment of Malcolm and Hoshi’s whereabouts or the missing shuttle. Rumors and speculation were abounding.

“Put it on screen.”

Malcolm appeared on the screen, relief flooding his features. Hoshi was asleep in the background. “Sir…”

Archer could see the strain on his tactical officer’s face. “What’s your location, Malcolm? Our long-range sensors are still offline. Trip informs me warp and impulse will be up by the end of the day. How are your supplies? Can you hold out that long?”

“Y-Yes sir.” Malcolm stated and submitted the coordinates.



“How are they?” Archer directed the question toward Dr. Phlox as he stared through the window to the decon room.

“Why don’t you ask them yourself?” Phlox replied. “They’re clear and ready to resume their normal duties.”

“Malcolm, what happened? Where’s Kamaria?” Archer stopped as he saw the devastation on Malcolm and Hoshi’s faces.

“She’s gone sir. She d-died.” Malcolm choked on the words. Hoshi wept silently by his side as Malcolm composed himself. “Sir, I am ready to face the consequences for my actions. I coerced Hoshi…”

“As far as I am concerned, you were under the influence of Kamaria and incapable of making your own decisions. Isn’t that right, Doctor? Aren’t their brain chemicals off?” Archer nudged Phlox.

“I did notice several discrepancies in their dopamine levels. This inability of the dopamine to reach their frontal lobes would cause a loss in the ability to reason.” Phlox rambled on about Hoshi and Malcolm’s inability to reason for themselves due to their dopamine levels and started writing the report for Starfleet.

“Sir, the damage to…” Malcolm was intent on claiming all responsibility.

“Malcolm, Trip and I knew about your plan all along. We knew we couldn’t help you in an official capacity so we broke a few rules unofficially… I am so sorry about your daughter.” Archer put a comforting hand on both Malcolm and Hoshi’s shoulder.

“She didn’t want to hurt us anymore. She said our future had been changed because of her. She…” Hoshi sobbed. It had only been two days since Kamaria passed and the grief was still fresh.

“I’ll inform Starfleet Command that they can call of its dogs. Malcolm, you and Hoshi take as much time as you need. When you all are ready, let me know.” Archer walked out to let the couple grieve together.



Days turned in to weeks, and those weeks turned into a month. Malcolm took solace in his work and Hoshi in hers. Starfleet had been disappointment, to say the least, over the loss of Kamaria, but didn’t follow through with any official investigation buying into the reports from Phlox and Archer. Hoshi was back at her station going through her daily routines. Malcolm had taken to spending more and more time in the armory, feeling like it was anything but ship shape. Their mourning would always be part of them but was becoming less painful as time passed. That which bound them together was gone and Hoshi had started to feel the loss of Malcolm’s presence in her daily life like a knife in her soul.

For the first time in her life, Hoshi felt like she had a hole in her heart. The events over the last few months seemed like a dream. She had never envisioned herself as a mother so soon. Sure she wanted children but she had planned for her children at a set time in her life, after her career had wound down. Most peculiar of the events over these last few months was Malcolm’s behavior. It puzzled her. She realized now she knew very little about him, just the rumors buzzing around the ship. She knew he wasn’t close to his family, but that was the only personal item she knew as fact. Everything else was speculation and rumor.

Hoshi was shocked at his reaction when he found out about Kamaria, but even more shocked when he did a complete turnaround and started professing his love to her. That had taken her totally by surprise because until that moment she hadn’t realized she had fallen in love with him too. She knew she was attracted to him; after all, she is a woman with healthy appetites. At first, Hoshi had been drawn to the intensity of his eyes – the color, the depth the glances she would occasionally catch directed toward her. Then as she had gotten to know more about Malcolm, she became enamored with his quiet demeanor.

Now that Kamaria was gone, the bond they shared was gone. She had done enough harm to Malcolm. It was time she stopped being selfish and moved on with her life.



Malcolm had been willing to give up everything for Hoshi and Kamaria – everything he had ever worked for even his way of life. But now the potential of their family was nothing but a memory. Hoshi and he realized with Kamaria gone there was no longer any reason to carry out their self-imposed exile. Malcolm had pushed the decision quickly as he hoped Enterprise was still in communications range. They only had five days of life support functions left in the shuttle. If they were unable to raise Enterprise by the time they were two days out, they would need to turn around.

Hoshi had withdrawn into herself during the two days in the shuttle. Malcolm offered what little comfort he could but he was mourning as well. He felt guilt over their daughter’s death. He never should have brought them to the planet. He had endangered all of them. It was his fault Hoshi was in pain. She would have been better off without him. Even now she would be better off without him.

“Bloody feckin’ hell!” Malcolm yelled as the phase inductor he has working with slipped and fell to the ground. Now he would have to climb down and retrieve it.

“Easy there Malcolm! I got it, “ Trip informed his friend. “What’s that matter with ya?”

“This – this.” He motioned all around him in frustration. “I had no idea things had gotten so far out of hand here. It’s disgraceful.” He raked a hand through his hair.

“Malcolm, when was the last time you ate?” Trip held the tool up to Malcolm.

“I-I think I had breakfast,” Malcolm paused as his stomach grumbled from neglect.

“Just as I thought,” Trip withdrew the tool from Malcolm’s grasp. “It’s time you stopped and got somethin’ to eat.” Malcolm started to protest. “That’s an order, Lieutenant.”

Malcolm climbed down and glared at his friend and walked out intent on following orders, not just from his superior officer, but from his stomach as well.

Trip followed him out. “Besides, it ain’t like things could get much worse in ther’.”

Malcolm walked into the mess hall and saw Captain Archer standing by the door to the Captain’s mess. “Sir.” Malcolm nodded an acknowledgement.

“Malcolm, I’ve been expecting you.” Archer greeted him cheerily. “Please join me.”

“Sir?” Malcolm sounded perplexed as he walked up to Archer.

“Actually, Hoshi is in there waiting for you.” Archer’s voice conceded with a note of concern. “Trip and I noticed that you and she … well you need to work things out. I know things have been rough between the two of you since Kamaria’s death, but this has got to stop.”

“Sir…”

“Before you go spouting off about fraternization, don’t. You all are not in the same department so it is not frowned upon… just as long as it doesn’t affect your performances.” Archer stopped the younger man by putting his arm over the door. “She loves you Malcolm… she has before Kamaria ever came along.”

“I know sir.” Malcolm nodded and pushed his way through.

Hoshi stood as Malcolm entered. She took his breath away. Her hair was down and she was dressed in a loosely flowing red dress. Malcolm, being deprived of her nearness for the last two weeks crossed the floor in three strides and wrapped her in his arms, kissing her with a fierce passion. He lifted her onto the table, thrust her knees apart and situated himself between them. Malcolm ran his hands up her legs and Hoshi pulled herself away from his kiss panting. “I don’t think this is what Captain Archer had in mind when he invited us to his mess.”

“You’re right,” Malcolm laughed into her neck, breathing deeply to calm himself down. “I love you Hoshi.”

“I know.” Hoshi smiled and held on tight. “Perhaps we should take this to someplace more private,” Hoshi stated suggestively.

“Just let me grab a quick bite and I would more than happy to follow you anywhere.” Malcolm conceded happily.

“Perhaps I could tie you up again,” Hoshi, grinned wickedly.

“Or I you.” Malcolm smiled into her mouth as he moved in for another kiss.

Their love would be like the wind constantly moving, sometimes a gentle breeze at other times a fierce gale, but it would carry on forever.

FIN

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