(I�ve had this pseudo �day dream� since I was quite young. it seems to me (with way too much analysis) that I�m trying to get out of �making my own destiny.� or some such shit. like I�m waiting for someone to come along who�s going to make everything all right, when really that�s not someone else�s job. even knowing that, I can�t keep the image from popping up from time to time.)
sometimes. when I�m outside walking in the morning, or after work, trying to keep my balance in the slip-slide of sand and rock. sometimes I imagine a car. a blue car with out-of-state plates and a familiar driver. I imagine a car. ::slowing:: ::slowing:: ::slowing:: and then pulling over. gently, as not to blow a cloud of dust in my direction. with the window down, the driver will say �get in.� or something to that effect. and I�ll know that the driver of that car can see in me something. something simple. yet great. something that no one else has been able to see before. something I�m not even sure exists. she�ll have deep crinkles around her eyes, and freckles on her nose, and clear, unwavering eyes, and soft hands. and I�ll know, suddenly, what it is I�m supposed to do.
I�ll open the door. manage a slow, sad smile. and get in.