1:18 pm I've been thinking a lot lately…about this past year…and I have come to the conclusion that it has been my worst one so far…the year 2000 pretty much sucked for me…I'm trying to remember a worse year, but I really can't…perhaps it's because this one is fresh, and the wounds are still open…or, and this is more likely, this really was the worst year of my life…that sounds so dramatic, but I'm serious…when it rains, it pours, right? Let's just make a list…this isn't going to be any fun, but I think I need to get it all down on paper…in list form, of course…hummmmm…first there was the break-up of a two and a half year relationship…that sucked and I can think of a lot more eloquent adjectives to use but I'm not going to take the time-it just sucked…then I found out that my girlfriend (well, ex of one month) was seeing someone else…and, that very weekend, I was raped by some guy that I let sleep on my couch…the weekend after that, I graduated from college, said goodbye to my friends and all that…but, I missed the ceremony to make it back to my hometown just in time to watch my grandmother die from cancer…wow… and that was just may and june…see, I can write all of it down like it didn't really happen to me…thinking about it, reliving it, is like watching a movie…it's like watching all of these things happen to someone else…and I don't share it with people in order for them to feel sorry for me…I share it (and when I say "it" I mean all of it-not one of those things is inextricable from the next-it's all rolled into a huge ball of suckiness-again, pardon my eloquence) because it had had a huge, gigantic impact on the way I now live my life, the way I now feel, the way I now interact, the person I now am…things didn't get too much better after may and june…I spent the july at my parent's, not talking about "it" and trying not to think about it all the time…I also had no plans as to where I was going to live, who I was going to live with, what I was going to be doing…it was crazy, and I was all over the place…the easiest thing for me to do was to ignore it…ignore it all…and I was successful…things in chicago weren't working out, it didn't look like I was going to be living there after all…so, kind of by default, I moved to iowa city…I had a house with three people I barely knew, and thought it'd be easy to find a full-time job…I had a degree from northwesetern, I mean, I figured it'd count for something…but, you know what, it didn't…it's all kind of funny, really…the people in iowa city didn't care…hell, they thought northwestern was northwestern college in orange city, iowa…I mean-COME ON…it was frustrating…to say the least…but, I found a decent job and started working at the beginning of september…since then, well, the job hasn't become wonderful and my salary hasn't gone up, but things are, on the whole, a lot better…I don't want to be such a downer…bad things happened to me, yes…bad things happen to everyone, right? a lot worse things have happened to people…to be totally honest, I think I came away from this whole messy year pretty well…I have some amazing friends who I know had a hard time sticking with me, but who did it anyway…and, even though I don't get along with my mom all too well, my parents have been great…so, writing this all out has been therapeutic in a way…therapy is found in strange places, right? so, thanks for letting me vent…it's all good now…hey, it's almost 2001… back to ramblings
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