11:45 a.m. it's all so weird…how we go through "stages" in friendships…I have noticed, lately, that there are so many people who I have felt so close to at one point or another in my life who I don't communicate with at all today…there were such intense friendships that I thought, at the time, were integral to my life, that I don't usually remember to miss…it's like we're constantly put in situations where we feel the need to "bond" with someone else, and really, the only thing that's important in that bond is that you don't break it…I'm not exactly sure what I'm saying here…
I've been having really weird dreams lately…the other night, I dreamt that I had cancer in my left breast, and that they had to remove it (the whole breast)…they pointed a laser at me, and ::poof:: the breast was gone…it didn't hurt, and I was left with, in my opinion, a beautiful scar in the shape of a crescent moon…I was very proud, in my dream, and didn't want to wear a shirt ever again…so, I didn't…I walked out of the hospital topless, I went to work topless, I went out at night topless (not as in "topless dancer" topless, but, you know what I mean)… it was very empowering…
Last night I dreamt that I was on a trip with two couples…and it was no fun…it was a third-wheel's worst nightmare…everywhere I looked, people were making out…I'm wondering if I really do have serious issues with togetherness…well, with other people being in relationships and me not being in one…but, if I do have a problem with that, it must be very much a subconscious feeling…because I really don't want to be in a relationship…or, maybe I'm just trying to convince myself of that so that I'm not bitter…bitterness sucks…
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