10:00 am I am falling into a pattern of unrequited-ness…I'm not sure if it's because it's safe for me to have serious crushes on people in relationships (or straight girls, or "famous" people I'll probably never meet), or if I feel like I want a "challenge," or what…I'm pretty sure it's not the latter…I don't typically pursue anyone I don't think I can get…What I mean is, I typically don't pursue anyone…but I do get crushes - a lot…usually crushes on people I'm not "supposed" to get crushes on…this time, though, I feel like doing something about it…I won't, but I sometimes wish I were one of those kind of people who makes moves, even when it's not smart… or, just the kind of person who makes moves…I suppose it's not good to force things…and maybe more important for me to think about why I'm crushing so much, than it is for me to think about doing something about it…I don't know…I'm not sure if I even want anyone in my life in that way…but then I see a couple being all cute with each other, and I start to want that…I mean, it's sickening how much everything is geared towards couples…every movie, every song, every ad on TV- they are all about togetherness, all about "falling in love," all about finding that person who's just right…it's hard to ignore all of that…that and the constant pressure put on you by friends and family to meet someone…it's like, if you're single, everyone you know is actively trying to hook you up with one of their friends…I'm a little tired of it…I'm a little tired of being pressured into being with someone…it's too common for people to be together by default-to start dating, or stay together just so that they won't have to be alone…but, really, why does being with someone make you feel secure? having a "partner" isn't a guarantee that you won't be alone… or that you won't feel alone, even when you're together…I've seen people ignore glaring incompatibilities in their relationships just so that they won't have to deal with breaking up and being alone…what is wrong with us? It's all absolutely crazy…yet it makes sense…it makes sense to "partner-off"…after all, since we were little we have always been told to use the "buddy system"…we've had to choose partners since we were four, why would we stop now? so, anyway, I'm not sure if I'm writing all of this because I'm bitter and sick of having togetherness shoved down my throat, or because, against my will, I want that "together" feeling again…I don't' think I'm bitter, but maybe that I think it's ridiculous that it's not socially okay to be single…and happy having crushes from afar…
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