09/14/01
8:44 am I am scared. I am distracted. I am unable to motivate myself to do much other than suck up all the horrible news I can. I am wishing it were still Monday. I am faceless names and unknown faces and knowing that I don�t really know what it�s like to be missing someone. I am all-day tears. I am deep, deep sorrow. I am having a hard time with people�s anger, with their outrage. I am not understanding. I am unable to find a place in my head that knows how to sort through all of this. I am unable to focus on work. I am missing my family. I am missing my friends. I am feeling very, very alone. I am, in a way, wanting to be closer to all of it than I am. I am, in a way, so glad that I�m on the other side of the country. I am a false sense of security. I am so many things taken for granted. I am suffering all over the world. I am feeling hopeless, and like this may never end. I am wanting to listen to good music, sit outside, be in the middle of a community. I am "amazing grace" and catious patriotism. I am kind of needing to go to church. I am fearful that we'll be merely reactive, and not think this thing through. I am the complexity of terrorism. I am these horrors that have never, never been real to me before. I am moments of profound resignation. I am selfish, and wanting to be comforted, to have a person who will hold my hand and tell me it's all going to be okay. I am wishing I were five. I am wishing we all were five.
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