July 6, 2001
12:36 pm I am sex, money, power tatoos�I am a solo party-goer�I am tough sweetness and sweet toughness and tough sweetness�I am fifteen phone numbers in two weeks�I am anonymous email girl�I am anonymous�I am loose jeans and bright yellow, cloth belts�I am tricking myself, still, in to thinking I�m over it�I am movie dates and hiking dates and more hiking dates�I am the sea lion, otter and walrus show and swimming in the pacific ocean for the first time�I am the huge waves and my own regression as I become 12 years old again, diving and surfacing, gasping from the shock of the cold and the excitement of being thrown around in the salt water�I am the comfort of being around certain people who I know I�ll always be close to, no matter how long it�s been�I am dancing with myself and so drunk that I think the mirror on the dance floor is another room�I am the surf culture and the tiny, tan Barbie girls that sashay across the boardwalk�I am not as hurt when I see you, yet not as numb as I�d like to be�I am the ease of weekend trips to California�I am the rush of airports and the overwhelming feeling that I can go anywhere�I am the arrival gate and the catch in my throat when I see anyone get off the plane and run in to the arms of a significant other or family member�I am tears at the strangest things and always wanting to call my parents before my flight takes off�I am my walkman, my bottle of water, my book and a bag of resses pieces�I am keeping my bags on the floor and between my legs when I go to the bathroom�I am always on the lookout for a familiar face or a miscellaneous star hurrying to make a flight�I am the 4th of july and three parties and work the next day�I am swimming naked while having a conversation with a guy I hardly know�I am veggie burgers with no bun, homemade salsa and blue boy pale ale�I am whiskey cherries and tee shirts that read �fuck bush��I am water balloons and really wanting to talk to the girl that keeps disappearing�I am prone to crushes and hoping that this time she�s single�I am thinking, really thinking, about calling and asking her out�I am wondering how one goes about that�I am �getting bold in my old age��
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