05/25/01
8:39 am i am chubs...i am a long way from a firm stomach...i am a tiny jiggle in my upper arm...i am the roundness of my hips and the wideness of my thighs...i am curvy and swearvy and a little too soft...i am trying to love it all, the imperfections, the bulges, the dimples, but secretly just wanting a really tight ass...(not as in "uptight," as in tight, free from flab and bouncy, very unattractive skin)...i am feeling bigger by the day...i am starting to hate that i even care, which makes me feel guilty, which in turn makes me feel fat again...i am pictures of last year and how tiny i really was...i am having no idea how i got that small...i am not deliberately wanting to do it again, yet needing to get back to a certain shape that's healthy and allows me to be seen in a swimsuit...i am swimsuits and how horrible they are...i am night swimming in my pool and the clear, stary sky...i am going to get over this dumb, pointless, body image thing...i am fine...back to "i am"
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