05/25/01
2:30 pm today is my best friend from 6th grade�s birthday�I don�t know how I remember that, but I do�I guess it�s pretty hard to forget something that such a big deal was made of back then�I mean, the elaborate birthday parties, the �who�s invited� and �who�s not,� the bringing treats to school�and what was with that? I mean, I have to bring treats for everyone else on my birthday? It seems a bit backwards�and you had to be careful, because if you brought the wrong thing, or if your mom messed up the brownies, you were in the doghouse for the day�once, I�ll never forget this, my mom tried a �special� recipe for the st. patricks day party in my classroom (she was a �room mom��every year, I think)�she made green brownies�they were mint flavored�I got the most horrible, most immediate headache I�ve ever gotten after eating one of those things�to this day, I curse my mother for her headache brownies�god, the things that happen when you are little�not all the things, of course, but the ones that don�t go away after almost 20 years�did anyone else ever collect worms? Like, when it was raining? I would wait for the ground to get good and wet, and the water to be running in mini-streams against the curbs that had everyone�s addresses painted on them�and then I�d get a bucket, fill it half way with mud from the sandbox (we always had more mud than sand in our sandbox) and I�d be on my way around the neighborhood plucking earth worms from the puddles�sometimes, I�d convince one of my more squeamish girl friends to come with me, and I�d use the worms as a weapon in making her my slave (god, the implications now)��do that or I�ll put a worm on you!��I was so cruel�it didn�t work so well on the boys, but I had other tricks for them�I�m not quite sure how I got away with some of the things I did�or when, specifically, I lost my power�because now, even when I try to be sneaky, someone is always on to me, and I never get my way�I want to be 7 again�I want to be tough and confident and unafraid�(sneaky and manipulative, well, I�m fine without those two things)�I want to be full of energy and questions�I want my parents to be proud of me�because I can read at a 5th grade level as a 1st grader�because I memorized my multiplication tables faster than everyone in the class�because I made it on the �A� co-ed basketball team, and can punt a football further than any 6th grade boy�those things used to seem so huge, so important�sports try-outs, spelling-bees, who won kick-ball or four-square at recess�even relationships�I think I had like 12 boyfriends in the third grade alone�mike, matt, mark, brian #1, brian #2, scott, tate, justin, tony,eric #1, eric #2 and joe�in that order�I was a mack�I have no idea where it came from, or where it went�I think I was bordering on cocky�that obnoxious, I-can-do-anything-I-want sort of child�until 5th grade�until I got boobs and blood and an inferiority complex�then everything changed�and, now, I sometimes try to pull out that outspoken, bold, daring child�and, sometimes, she comes out on her own�
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