9:05 pm the weirdest thing just happened...i came home after work, talked to my parents, and then spent two hours watching cheesy high school and college dramas on TV...the things is-they really got to me...i'm sitting here now, trying to see through these unexplainable tears, listening to "troubled mind" by catie curtis...they played this song on one of the shows, and, i don't know, i just had to listen to it again since it's, well, it's one of my favorite catie songs ever...the characters were saying goodbye to each other for the summer...one of them graduated...i don't know...i can't handle watching graduations, even if they happen in some overly-dramatic televison program...i'm not sure if it's because of last year's college graduation, which is surrounded by very difficult, very painful memories...or if it's because i get weepy when ever i think about such huge transitions, those times in our lives when we have to say, "hey, that was it, and it's over"...maybe i'm still affected by those specific times in my life, especially the one last year...how could i not be, i suppose...or, maybe, i'm just a bit overwhelmed right now, and coming home tonight to an empty apartment for the first time gave me a chance to finally realize wha thas happened in the past two weeks...and my crying right now is not exactly out of sadness, or loss, or missing someone...it's more like i'm remembering last year, realizing where i am right now, and just so incredibly grateful that i'm here...but, contrary to how i thought i'd feel about having my space all to myself, i'm lonely...i guess it's when i'm feeling like this that i really want to talk to someone...but, at the same time, i know that i'm feeling these things because i'm alone and have time to think...i have time to reflect because there is no one around demanding my attention, or diverting it, anyway...and i'm glad...constantly being around people can throw me into denial, and keep me from thinking about things that i know i should be thinking about...right now, i think i'll go for a walk, look at the incredible arizona night sky, listen to some more catie, and realize how tiny, yet how huge, my life really is...